A Dangerous Game
by reig
Summary: Kate Beckett is a hired assassin whose target is New York Times bestselling author Richard Castle. But when her chase to catch him begins to make her fall for his charming ways, whose side will she choose, Castle's or her employer's?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! This is my very first Castle fanfiction and I'm kind of nervous about it, but I hope you guys will like it. I'm not completely new to writing since I have written a couple of fanfictions for The mentalist so if you like that show too and you're interested you could check them out! :) (Yeah, self-promoting, I know I know… eww..sorry...)  
I've never written a story for this show, even though I'm shamelessly in love with it and this pairing from the first time I saw it, because I think this show has the best writers in real life a fandom can wish for and they did absolutely everything I would have written about. So there was really nothing left for me. I have seen some pretty great ideas here on the site but obviously I didn't want to copy anybody so I just waited until the perfect idea appeared. And it did, only not in my head but on my computer in the form of a tumblr post which I thought to be an amazing idea. It belongs to ****_Diana _****who has been so nice and allowed me to write a story about it. You can see her original post here :  
****_www. mulderly. tumblr post/37733678737_**

**Also just today I've found a breathtaking video on youtube from the same post, made by ****_Half0utLoud_**** and it doesn't exactly follow how I want to write this story but I thing you definitely should watch it if you're interested! You can find it on youtube dot com if you paste this:  
****_/watch? feature=player_ embedded&v=SEI1Q91VZ7Q_**

**Now, I'm done with the endless rambling and thank you if you've been patient enough to read all of this. I truly hope you will like the story and I really can't wait to hear your opinion! :)**

**Just one more thing, I'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes, my native language is not English but I'm really trying to avoid any errors. Thanks for the understanding! :)**

_Disclaimer: As much as it saddens me I don't own Castle…_

_Chapter 1_

Kate Beckett aimed her rifle at her target as he exited his workplace in Lower Manhattan and pulled the trigger.

The shot echoed through the abandoned loft and she turned her head away so that she didn't have to see the elderly man collapsing on the ground. Dead.

She knew he couldn't survive it, her shot was always sharp. One bullet, right into their chest that was her usual M.O.

She pulled the elastic out of her bun and ran a hand through her long brown curls. As she stood up she was careful not to look out on the street where she could already hear ambulances approaching. There is probably a crowd gathered around the body and she would have to try and disappear as soon as possible. Before the cops arrived. And they would be all over the place when they figured out who the victim was.

Kate sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. She knew she shouldn't have been thinking about her targets and usually she could shut all feelings out and do her job, in which she was so good. But this case was different, because he was a detective. She hated killing cops, they always reminded her of her training officer.

She packed her equipment quickly with practiced movements and she was at the stairs in two minutes. She ran up to the roof and cautious not to be seen from street level she made her way to the fire escape and climbed down on the other side of the building. The small bag containing the rifle hung from her shoulder and when she hopped on the pavement she zipped her jacket and put on a beanie. She had to look unsuspicious.

This was no new thing for her, she did this after every job. It was routine.

Then she threw herself into the evening flow of the road, never looking back.

* * *

When she got off the subway she realized she had to do some grocery shopping so she stopped at the corner shop. The cashier at the counter greeted her with a friendly smile, recognizing Kate as a regular. Her name was Louisa and Kate couldn't help but wonder what she would do if someone hired her to kill Louisa next. Would she do it? Or would she let someone else do it?

Beckett gripped her bag harder and focused on the shelves in front of her.

Her fridge was empty so she needed food. Also she felt like having a hot bath so she searched for a relaxing shampoo and some bath salt.

When she was standing in line a young boy brushed against her bag and she put it on her other shoulder protectively. She didn't want anybody to find out what was hiding in her casual looking brown bag.

She paid for the goods and with a modest but warm smile wished Louisa a good night.

As she was walking up the stairs to her apartment her phone rang, signing that she had a new text message. It was from the bank, saying that her payment had arrived on her account.

When she entered her home she put the groceries on the kitchen counter and walked to the stereo to put on some music. Days like that she needed music to take her mind off things. Then she went to her bathroom and turned on the tap. She slowly undressed and pouring some of the fragrant bath salt into the tub she sank into the welcoming warmness of the water and let her problems and troubled thoughts melt away.

* * *

Richard Castle stepped off stage and rubbed his eyes with one hand, a bit teary from the harsh reflectors that lighted the podium where he stood the last half an hour. He wanted to sit down for a bit and have a drink. Look for Alexis and see if she's all right. But he couldn't because as soon as he set a foot on the ground he was surrounded by crazily yelling women and felt their hands all over him, everyone wanting to touch him even if only for a second.

„Hi, Mr. Castle I'm your hugest fan! I've read all your books!" a ginger shrieked into his ear.

„Mr. Castle, could you sign this please?"

„Could you sign my copy?"

„Would you sign my chest, Mr. Castle?"

He felt them closing up on him, pushing various objects his way. Books, posters of him, pieces of paper, underwear…. He pulled out a pen and signed what he could.

„Thank you for coming! I really appreciate your support!" he murmured again and again, smiling to flashing cameras, while hugging fans.

After long minutes his publisher Gina took pity on him and came to his rescue. She sauntered to him with graceful steps, a sweet smile on her face and when she got to him she took him by the arm and told the whining fans that the writer needed to talk to his agent.

„God, thank you so much!" he breathed as soon as they were out of earshot. He spotted his daughter sitting at a table, and he took a look around to see his mother chatting with a bunch of men.

„You have ten minutes then you have an interview with a magazine!" Gina chirped and patting his shoulder let him alone with Alexis.

„Hey Dad, you're already finished?" she asked with a surprised smile closing her book.

„Nope, Gina only gave me ten minutes to blow off the steam!" he shook his head and sank into a chair. „How are you holding up?" he asked from her with concern in his tone.

„I'm all right, I have my book and grams was here with me until a few minutes ago!" Alexis told him and pulling a bottle of water out of her bag she handed it to her father.

„Thanks pumpkin, you're my guardian angel!" he grinned gratefully and drank half of the bottle. Then he looked over her shoulder and he frowned. „Damn…" he muttered as his blond publisher walked towards them. „It wasn't ten minutes!" he told her when she stopped beside the table.

„Oh Ricky, don't be grumpy!" she giggled cheerfully but her eyes were warning. „This is Pamela, she words for _The New York Times_!" she introduced the tall, attractive woman who was standing at her side.

„Hi, it's nice to meet you!" he put on his charming grin and stood up to shake the journalist's hand. „This is my daughter Alexis!" he motioned towards the girl who just waved at Pamela. „Maybe we could find a quieter place for that interview, right?" he offered and led the woman away from the table.

After a twenty minutes long interview Pamela said goodbye with fluttering eyelashes and a bright smile, telling him that if he ever felt like having a drink with as she referred to herself, "a friend" he could feel free to give her a call.

He walked her to the exit like a gentleman, even gave her a light kiss on the cheek then checked his watch to see that it was already past eleven.

Castle looked around the club to see that many of the guests were long gone, the fans disappeared too. He searched for Alexis and found her at the same table, so immersed in her book that she didn't notice the drunk couples dancing a few feet from her.

"Hey sweetie, don't you want to go home?" he asked, stepping up to her.

For a moment she stayed motionless, finishing the sentence she was reading then she turned her eyes to him.

"You're done for the night?" she asked hopefully and he nodded.

"Yeah, let's get you home!" he smiled at her as they gathered their coats.

Even though she was already a grown up woman he saw her as his little girl, which sometimes annoyed her but he couldn't help it.

He went around the bar one more time, saying good byes and collecting several disapproving looks from both Gina and Paula for leaving _so early_. Then they wished goodnight to Marta who claimed to be full of energy and in need of a wild dancing.

Then twenty minutes later he finally got out of the building and could get in the car to take his sleepy daughter home.

* * *

"Hey Dad, have you read the paper?" Alexis asked as he walked into the kitchen after hours of writing in his study. He couldn't believe that even though his latest book had just been published his agent kept nagging at him for the next one, demanding more and more chapters.

"Nope, what's new?" he asked over his shoulder as he opened the fridge and searched for some ice cream.

"Looking for this?" His daughter asked and when he spun around he saw the bowl of ice cream in her hand, a playful grin adorning her face.

"Yeah..." he nodded and pulling out a spoon he joined her at the counter.

"The new novel already sells like hotcakes, people love it!" she cheered and pushed the newspaper towards him. Castle took a look at the cover and saw his own name in bolded fonts next to a picture of the latest Derrick Storm book.

"Wonderful, Gina will be pleased..." he muttered and took a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

"Speaking of... I think she had already called... like four times!" she said, jumping up and coming back with his phone in her hand.

Castle tapped the screen and saw the five missed calls, all from his ex-wife.

"Great!" he growled and put the phone on the counter. "Do you have plans for today, pumpkin?" he looked at his daughter.

"No. I was hoping to meet up with some friends but everybody's got a thing..." she sighed then shrugged.

"Then what do you say we go get some lunch then go to the movies and watch _The Hobbit _?" he asked with sparkling eyes and Alexis rolled her eyes.

"Sure, it sounds nice!" she agreed and Castle punched up into the air triumphantly. "Don't be such a child, dad!" she laughed and he stuck his tongue out at her.

So an hour later they left the loft and hit the streets of Manhattan with the intent of walking to their favorite restaurant a couple of blocks down. Alexis was telling her father about school and how everyone in her class kept talking about going abroad to study.

"I mean, seriously Dad, even Stacey goes to Scotland!" she said throwing her hands in the air helplessly. "Why don't you want me to go to Oxford? It's a great university, really prestigious…" she told him.

"Darling, you know I don't care about those things. All I'm saying is that it might be better for both of us if we didn't have a sea between us in case we wanted to meet!" he shrugged defensively. He just couldn't imagine not seeing his little girl for a whole semester.

"Yeah, I know. That's why I'm really thinking about Columbia. They say there is a good psychology department." She said as they crossed Lafayette street.

Castle watched their reflection in the windows of shops, thinking about how his daughter grew up so fast when he noticed something weird. He wasn't sure it was really a _thing_ and he wanted to make sure so he stopped and put his hand on Alexis's shoulder to stop her too.

"Wait a minute pumpkin, I want to turn left here…" he motioned to a street and his daughter raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"But why dad, I thought we were going to Paolo's…" she told him and he nodded.

"Yeah we are, I just wanted to check out the…" he looked along the street looking for some excuse and saw a sign of a bookstore. "…the bookstore right there!" he told her, pointing at the red building at about the middle of the street.

"The bookstore?" she asked with a confused expression but followed him nevertheless when he started walking in the direction of said building.

"Yes, I ..uh… want to buy a book. It will be… a gift for somebody!" he said, scowling at himself for making up such a lame story. He was making up stories for a living, he was supposed to lie better than that, right?  
Castle looked at one of the windows they were passing by and saw the same man he saw before. He was keeping his distance but following them. Castle turned his head back slightly, careful not to be suspicious. The man was wearing a blue hoodie and he had brown hair. He didn't look like a psychopath.

"Dad, what's going on?" Alexis asked as he simply walked by the bookstore. "I thought you wanted to buy a book!" she pointed back at the sign.

"No, I've changed my mind. Let's go this way!" he said and ushered her out of the small street to a more crowded one.

He checked the man out in every window, even pulled out his phone once to use it as a mirror and now Castle was sure. That man was following them.

On the one hand it was creeping him out. Why would anybody be stalking him? But on the other hand, it was starting to get exciting. Like a strange kind of a spy game. If it wasn't for Alexis jogging at his side, asking worried questions he would have definitely enjoyed this.

"All right Alexis, don't freak out but I think there's a man following us..." he murmured to her after they got out of a pharmacy without buying anything.

"Are you sure?" she asked turning her head back.

"Wait, no! Don't look!" he caught her arm and pulled her with himself as he strolled to a street vendor.

"Which one?" she questioned, glancing back at the sidewalk from beside a magazine.

"The man with the blue hoodie!" he whisper yelled.

"Dad, he's not following us. He's just a passerby." she shook her head and put the paper down.

"I'm telling you. He's been after us since LaFayette street!" he told her but she rolled her eyes.

"Dad, we barely walked 5 blocks. He might just have business this way..." she said but then to both of their huge surprise the man in the blue sweater quickened his steps and soon he was pushing his way between people until he was standing in front of them. He had a wide grin plastered on his face and he started to rummage in his backpack. Castle tugged Alexis behind himself defensively and ignored that annoyed little sound of protest that she made.

"Mr. Castle?" the man said as he looked up again and he pulled an object out of his bag.

"Yeah?" Castle said, now completely unsure of this situation.

"Could you please sign this for me?" the man handed him a copy of the new Derrick Storm novel and he just stared at it wordlessly.

A few seconds passed by as Castle took in the new information all the while keeping his eyes on the book. A fan, of course. Not some kind of sick stalker, only a fan. He was also extremely relieved and a bit disappointed.

"Yes...Yes of course!" he tore himself out of his shock and took a pen out of his coat. "Who should I make it out to?" he asked, putting on his most charming smile.

"Hilary." the man said and Castle's unbelieving eyes shot up at him instantly. "Oh, it's for my girlfriend..." the man added with a blush rising on his face. He ran his fingers through his hair and grinned.

Castle nodded and opened the cover of the book. He pondered for a moment, not quite sure what to write then uncapped his pen and wrote down a few sentences.

_Dear Hilary,_

_I was starting to lose hope in true love but then your boyfriend chased me four blocks down the street to get this book signed. I think he's a keeper..._

_All the best,_

_Richard Castle_

He gave the book back then squeezed Alexis's elbow and after saying a quick bye they continued their walk. When Castle looked back over his shoulder he could see the man still standing there, the open book in his hands and a happy grin lighting up his face.

**So, this was the first chapter, I hope you like the story so far... I'd love to hear your thoughts about it so pretty please write me a review! It would totally make my day! :) Also, I could really use some reassuring that you guys are interested in the story or not… So please? If only just a few words!  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it!  
****I'll try to update soon and I can't wait to hear what you guys think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys! First of all I would like to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you! I mean, I was literally overwhelmed by the amount of alerts and the reviews you wrote! I was so happy, so really thank you! You are awesome! :) Also, I would like to thank the ones who wrote a review as a Guest, I couldn't reply to you, but I hope you know your words are appreciated!  
I wanted to tell you that in this story, Kate isn't a fan of Castle's books (yet) and even though I would like to keep most of her personality traits there will be some changes too! That's all... :)  
I'm glad you are interested in this story and I hope you will like the rest of it too! **

_Disclaimer: All the rights belong to ABC and the wonderful Andrew Marlowe…_

_Chapter 2_

A week later Kate was sitting on her couch with a book in her lap, her fingers curling around a strand of hair that she had been twirling nervously while reading.

She couldn't help but jump a little when the ringing of her cell phone broke the comfortable silence of her apartment. She looked up from her book and let a smirk dance across her lips as she swayed her head unbelievingly. Sometimes she could get so immersed in a story that she didn't even know what was happening around her.

She put the novel down and reached for her phone which was on the far end of the coffee table. She looked at the unknown number and cleared her throat before answering.

"Hallo?" she picked up and leaned back on the couch.

"Kate Beckett?" a low, unrecognisable voice asked from the other end of the line and Kate had no doubt that it was a work call.

"Yes." she said simply and waited for the caller to continue.

"I have an assignment for you. The target is Richard Castle."

"I'm sorry, but I don't really take jobs over the phone..." she said hesitantly. "How can I be sure that I can trust you?"

"Oh you can be sure Ms. Beckett as half of your quite high payment is being delivered to your apartment just about now..." he voice laughed humorlessly. "The rest of the information will be in the package."

A knock sounded from her front door and Kate stood up with a confused expression.

"Where can I reach you?" she asked.

"You'll know..." the voice said then the call ended. Kate scowled at her phone but before she could do anything another knock echoed through her loft.

"I'm coming!" she yelled and hopped up from the couch, leaving her cell on the pillow.

She rushed to the door to see a pizza delivery boy with a box in his hand.

"Ms. Beckett?" he asked politely and she nodded.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't order anything..." she shook her head and refused to take the box.

"The bill has already been taken care of, so just take it!" the boy shrugged and Kate grabbed the box, still not really understanding what was going on.

"Okay, thanks." she said and closed the door.

She looked at the box and the mysterious caller's voice replayed in her head. He said the information would be delivered...

She wasn't taking it seriously until then, but as she stood in the hallway she realized it might have been a real assignment he was talking about.

Kate put the box on the dining table and slowly, carefully opened it. Just as the caller had promised it was packed with money and a blue folder was placed on top of it. She reached for it and opened the folder to find a picture of a good-looking, middle aged man.

_Richard Castle_, she remembered the name from the call and as she turned the page she saw the same name typed on the top of a rather short data sheet.

Kate raised her eyebrow as she ran through the few things about him but it was so little knowledge that she went to her computer and decided to do a search on the man.

He was a writer, a quite successful one that is. He had a daughter, an adorable looking ginger. He… Kate stopped right there. No emotional attachment, no more knowledge than absolutely necessary. That was her thing, that was what she did. It was a job and she was good at it. She was great, one of the bests. But she was human after all she couldn't afford to know her targets. That would be just too painful, totally self-destructive.

So she closed the browser immediately and even pushed her chair back from the desk, like she was caught doing something naughty. Something she wasn't supposed to do… She grabbed the folder and opened it again, looking for his address which she fortunately found on the sheet under his age and weight.

Kate snorted at all the information listed there since there was barely anything that she really needed to put him down. Then she went back to the package which she left on the table and out of curiosity began to count the money. Her eyes kept getting wider and wider as she put the cash out on the table. It was a lot. A lot of money. It wasn't like she was poor, she had a really good salary, she was a sought assassin. But this money, it got even her attention. And it was only half of the whole payment.

"Someone wants this man dead really badly…" she muttered to herself while packing everything back into the box. It was late and she wanted to get a good night's sleep before starting this new job. Tomorrow she would get started…

* * *

Castle put his glass down and looked around the poker table. His senses were sharp even though he drank two glasses of scotch and he saw the way how some of the players were looking at him. Eyeing him above their cards. He had seen that stare before, it had caused him trouble sometimes. It was his cue to go… So he stood up and started to collect his chips.

"All right, it's getting quite late and I have a novel to write so good night gentlemen!" he said and flashed a bright grin before turning his back on the table and heading for the exit.

He redeemed his coins and with a thick pack of bank notes in his pocket he made his way out of the bar.

It wasn't just an excuse to leave though, he really had to write tonight because it was the last night he had with Alexis away and he could always concentrate more when his daughter wasn't around. It was just too easy to think how much better it would be to play laser tag with her instead of writing when she was in the loft.

So he quickly hailed a cab and went home. His mother was in the living room watching Tv and she greeted him with the raise of her cocktail glass.

"Good evening, mother!" he nodded as he walked into the kitchen to pour himself some water. He got a bottle of mineral water out of the fridge and headed to his study when Martha stopped the film she was watching and called after him.

"Richard? Alexis called, she's going to be home tomorrow at 9 am. She wishes you a good night!" she said with an affectionate smile.

"What? She called? When?" Castle asked in a high pitched voice and went back to the living room. "I missed it because of a stupid poker game?" he said disappointment laced in his tone.

"Yes, just around 8. And she said she didn't want to bother you on your 'mission'!" Martha said doing little air quotes with her hands.

"Ha-ha, very funny, mother! I'll let you know that just tonight on my 'mission' I won 4 thousand dollars… So, a little respect please!" he told her and she just swayed her head.

"Be careful, darling!" she said but her attention wasn't on him anymore. She turned the Tv back on and Castle continued his way to his study.

He plopped down into his chair and sighed before reaching into his pocket and retrieving the money. He threw it on the desk and pushed the lid of the laptop open.

He thought for a moment and read through the last few paragraphs before starting to type. He had a scene in his mind with Derrick Storm meeting a sassy waitress in a dark club about whom he later finds out that she's an undercover agent. Or maybe she could be an immigrant from Bolivia trying to get on by bartending in that club. He wasn't sure which one yet...

It took him two hours to finish the chapter and by the time he got up from his desk it was almost midnight. He stood up and stretched his back deciding that he needed something to drink. He went to search for that bottle of water and as he crossed the living room he noticed his mother fast asleep on the couch. The television still on, some stupid night show on and he reached for the remote control to switch it off. Then he took the blanket from the back of an armchair and gently covered her with it. She shifted and let out a contented sigh at the warmness and Castle smiled at his mother. She could be a handful but he loved her and even though sometimes he teased her about never moving out of his loft he had to admit it to himself he wouldn't have it any other way…

He beeping of his cell phone interrupted his peaceful thoughts and he rushed to the kitchen counter to check it, hoping that the sharp sound didn't wake Martha. He grabbed the phone and saw the text message from his agent slash ex-wife. He groaned as he opened it and pursed his lips with a disgruntled scoff when he read that Gina had arranged another book signing event for him. He would have been okay with the whole thing, getting used to it by now, even expecting a series of those since he just came out with a brand new book but the signing was in two days. He planned to spend that day with Alexis, it would have been their first Saturday together since a very long time. She had exams and she went out shopping with her friends and he had been writing like a fool for the last month and they didn't really have time for each other and Castle missed it. He missed their father-daughter time together…

But now it had to wait because Gina would definitely not accept that as a decent reason for delaying the book signing.

He grimaced and put the phone back on the counter. He was exhausted and decided that it was time to call it a day and have a long, hot shower before going to sleep.

* * *

The next morning he could barely get out of bed and when he glanced at his clock he saw in horror that it was already half past 8. He wanted to welcome Alexis as she got out of the car and he had a feeling he shouldn't do it in his pajama pants or just boxers and a robe.  
He hurried into his bathroom and washed his face. The cold water managed to wake him up a little and he jogged out to the kitchen to make himself a coffee.

"Good morning, Richard!" he heard the voice of his mother and he waved at her with a confused smile.

"Morning Mother! What are you doing up at such an early hour of the day?" he asked and she rolled her eyes.

"Well unlike you Richard, some of us has work to do during the days…" she told him teasingly.

"You hurt me Mother! We both know I work as well during the day!" he said and rushed on to the coffee machine. "Would you like a coffee?" he asked as he pushed some buttons, not really looking what he was making.

"No thank you, I will make myself a green tea…" she said and sauntered to the sink with the kettle in her hand.

"Whatever you'd like… I'm going to get dressed now! Could you tell me what time it is?" he asked loudly over his shoulder as he crossed the living room to get to his bedroom. His mother looked at her wrist while she turned the kettle on.

"It's quarter to nine, darling!" she shouted after him and she could hear the thump of his bedroom door.

Castle went to his closet and without caring what he would be wearing he pulled out the first shirt and pair of jeans he could get his hands on. He hastily put them on and stumbled back out into the kitchen, buttoning his shirt as he rounded the counter.

He grabbed his coffee and took a huge sip of it, only to spit it back into the cup a second later. As soon as his mouth was empty he sucked in quick breaths and fanned his lips.

"It's hot!" he croaked to his mother who was watching the scene with a raised eyebrow and an amused face.

Then he looked at the clock and with a huff he put the cup down.

"Never mind, I'll have that coffee later." he muttered and raced towards the front door.

He had about seven minutes until Alexis arrived and he wanted to make sure that he would be standing there, waiting for her. He stepped to the elevator and pushed the caller button multiple times. He tapped his feet to the floor impatiently, looking at the screen above the doors every other second. He was just about to give up and take the stairs when he heard the familiar dinging. He stepped in and sighed as it started. Everything seemed so slow when he was in a hurry. The doors weren't closing fast enough and the elevator wasn't going fast enough... And to top it all, it had to stop on almost every floor. He sort of regretted living in the penthouse loft by the time he arrived on the ground floor.

He walked as quickly as he could without running and burst out the elegant front doors of the building.

Castle ran his eyes over the street and the pavement letting out a breathe of relief when he saw that Alexis wasn't there yet. He resisted the urge to cheer loudly and just stood on the spot, putting his hands on his hips. A few moments passed by and he realized that his posture wasn't really cool and nonchalant so he crossed his arms over his chest instead.

Satisfied, he waited for the car to arrive, scanning the street intently. After a few minutes he settled on watching the sidewalk with interest, regarding people who went past him, everyone minding their own business, not one of them noticing that he was even there.

A woman walked by him pushing a strolled in front of her, a tiny baby hand visible under the shade of the stroller. A guy in his twenties flew down the street with a roller and Castle followed him with his eyes, thinking that he should really get one of that too. It would be so much fun to go by roller everywhere...

A man with a briefcase hurried towards the pedestrian crossing and a young brunette, who seemed to be his assistant, jogged beside him, trying to keep up with him but failing when the wind swept under her scarf and she had to stop to rearrange it around her neck.

Castle watched as she clumsily pushed the material back under her jacket and suddenly he had a strange feeling. He looked around and even though he still couldn't find anybody who acknowledged his presence he felt like somebody was watching him. He turned around, roaming his eyes over the street and the shops but nobody was looking at him.

The sunlight reflected sharply on something but as he snapped his head upwards to see what it was he found out with a still racing heart that it was only a window being opened.

He sighed, trying to repress the feeling but he couldn't help and glance around half nervously, half curiously every once in a while.

Much to his relief a few minutes later a dark sedan stopped in front of the building and the driver got out to open the back door for no other than Alexis.

With a cry of happiness he skipped to the car and helped his daughter out, enveloping her in a bone crushing embrace when she finally stood next to him.

"Hey sweetheart! Ah, I missed you so much!" he murmured into her flaming red hair and felt her giggle into his chest.

"I missed you too Dad!" she told him with an amused expression on her face when he let her pull away. The driver set her suitcase next to them and she turned to him with a wide smile. "Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day!" she told him and extended her hand for him to shake.

"The same to you, Miss Castle!" he replied warmly and shook her head with a small smile. "You're one lucky man that you've got this lovely lady..." he then told Rick who grinned brightly.

"Don't I know it..." he nodded and grabbed Alexis's luggage in one hand and put the other around her shoulders. "Come on pumpkin, let's go up!" he ushered her to the front door and they headed for the elevator while Alexis started to tell Castle all about her week and a half with her mother.

**And this was the second chapter. What do you think? Did you like it? I would love to hear your thoughts about it, so please write me a review! Every single word you write makes my days brighter! :)  
I really hope you liked it, and thank you for reading and reviewing!  
Next coming up the beginning of 'the hunt' and some complications…  
****I can promise and update in about a week but I will try my best to update sooner! :)  
****Until then, xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everybody! Here is the new chapter, and I know it had taken me ages but my only excuse is I didn't really know how to end it so I just kept writing and writing and this is sort of longer than the previous ones...So, I hope you will forgive me! :)**

**Also, wow guys! Thank you so much for all the feedback on last chapter! I was seriously over the moon when I read your reviews and saw the alerts... So really thank you! Your words and thoughts are real inspiration! And to those of you who read and don't review, thanks for reading and I really hope you like the story! Although, to be fair I'd prefer you writing a few words as well... ;)**

**All right, on to the chapter! Hope you'll enjoy it!**

_Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't own this amazing show..._

_Chapter 3_

Kate Beckett woke with a startle the next morning. She had a horrible dream about a bus hitting Richard Castle's adorable daughter with Kate trying to save her but failing in the last moment. She woke up drenched in sweat and tears threatening to escape her eyes.

She shook her head as she slowly got out of her bed, cursing her brain that was unable to forget the image of the girl even though she only saw the picture of her for a moment. Kate had to kill her father today and the last thing she needed was a dream full of the girl's desperate screams…

She took a long shower, trying to get rid of the images from her dream. It was more or less helpful and as she dressed she felt a bit more confident. It was just another job, she could do it without getting guilty. She just had to stop thinking about that girl... She had to stop thinking about Richard Castle as someone's father, a person. He was a target, no more.

She made herself a coffee and her eyes found the box that arrived yesterday. With a big breath she opened it and reached for the folder inside. She scanned the information again, trying to memorize all of it in case she would need it. But of course she wouldn't. Why would she need his hair color or his weight when she was going to shot him with one bullet straight to his heart? It was easy and fast, just what she needed.

She went back to her bedroom and stepped on the floorboard under which she kept her sniper rifle. She carefully removed it then put the wood back in place. She put the rifle on her bed and started to disassemble it piece by piece. When she was done she pulled her backpack out from under her bed and packed all of the pieces in it.

She looked at her watch and saw that it was ten past eight. She needed about half an hour to get to the place where he lived so she got ready and left her apartment.

She rode down the old elevator with a couple who were shooting dreamy looks at each other all the way down and Kate couldn't wait to escape from the lift. She rushed through the entry hall and burst out the door into the early day crowd on the street. People going to work, mothers pulling their kids after them because they were already late from school, and old ladies walking lazily on the side.

Kate quickly managed to blend in and she turned left at the end of the road to get to the closest metro station. It was rather close but also very stuffed, she didn't like using the subway when she was carrying a bigger weapon but she kind of didn't have any other choice.

She only had to wait a few minutes and when she got on the metro she stood next to the door. She put her backpack between her feet and looked out the window, watching as stations flew by. The blur of people and lights and signs giving her a comfortable feeling but also making her super aware of the rifle at her feet.

As soon as the car stopped at Canal street she was out of it and making her way to the escalator. She slalomed between a class of children to cross the street and walked swiftly towards Richard Castle's building.

It was a beautiful, tall building with huge glass windows at the top floors. She eyed the house across the street and found the fire escape on the side of it. The metallic ladder ended in a narrow alley. She would use that to get to the roof and there she would look for a spot that had the best view of Castle's loft.

Kate was glad that the alley was dark and empty, this way she didn't really have to worry about being seen. She adjusted her backpack before she started to climb then she quickly made her way up, floor by floor. She was careful and quiet and when she was at the middle of the fire escape she stopped on a landing and glanced back down at the street. No one even noticed that she was up there so she took a breath and continued her upwards without hesitation.

When she stepped onto the roof she stretched her back and let out a sigh. She walked around and watched Castle's house, fixing her eyes on the penthouse loft which was his home. Then she set up her vantage point, putting together the rifle and pulling the binoculars out of her bag. Although there was a small telescope attached to her weapon she always preferred the bigger and technically more developed one that showed a better and detailed picture. She scanned the building across the street and searched for any signs of people in Castle's loft. He must have been at home, right? It was only quarter to nine. Kate imagined Richard Castle to be lazy and careless, sleeping till noon to be able to go to fancy parties at night.

She finally spotted a moving form in one of the windows, in a room that seemed like a living room. It was a tall, thin redhead moving around with familiar ease. Kate's eyebrow shot up as she ran the infos about Castle through her head again... There wasn't anything about a wife in his file. So should this woman be his girlfriend then? Or just the lucky lady of last night? But no, she seemed way to carefree and comfortable. She looked like somebody who was home...

Without letting any judgment seep into her mind Kate zoomed in a bit and an understanding hum left her throat when she saw that the woman was at least fifteen years older than Castle. That meant she had to be his mother!

Beckett watched her face for a minute thinking about why the hell was the woman so familiar to her... But then chased the thought away instantly, thinking that she certainly didn't need to be thinking about that before she shot her son. She didn't want to have another nightmare with Richard Castle's relatives in it.

So she moved her binoculars to the next room, which had smaller windows and Kate guessed it was some kind of an office. Might be where all those worldwide loved, famous novels were written. Suddenly a form moved swiftly through the picture and she zoomed out to see a bigger image. The person, of whom she had only seen a blur a moment ago, was a man. A man in his early forties, tall, broad shouldered with brown hair. He seemed like he was in a big rush. It couldn't be else but the one and only Richard Castle.

She took in his appearance curiously, wondering why would anyone want him dead. His hair was standing at all directions and he was just buttoning up a dark blue shirt as he sped towards the kitchen. He looked innocent, almost childlike. He reached for a mug and took a sip then grimaced and spit it back. Kate couldn't help but grin at his widened eyes and pout as he tried to cool his mouth. She guessed his morning coffee must have been too hot.

Beckett knew it was the perfect time to do it, one move of her finger on the trigger and it would be over but she couldn't bring herself to take that move. It was only a moment of hesitation and Kate didn't know if it was because his mother was in the room too and she couldn't stand the thought of her seeing her only son collapsing on the floor in a pool of blood or because she couldn't figure out why somebody wanted him dead. Or maybe because for the first time she sort of enjoyed getting an insight to someone's life. She watched them like a movie, with Castle's silly and clumsy hurrying movements and his mother's dramatic gestures as she talked. Kate found herself intrigued…  
But she knew that by the time she got a grip on her sudden feelings and moved to adjust the rifle, forgetting or at least repressing her thoughts about his mother seeing him die, she was too late. To Beckett's chagrin the man was jogging out of her eyesight and soon his mother disappeared from the kitchen too. She waited a few minutes, hoping that he would come back, even glad that his mother was out of sight since it would be easier to pull the trigger like that but he never appeared. Kate huffed in annoyance and decided she would just wait for him to get back. At some point he had to drink that coffee after all…

She looked down at the street curiously, watching as people went by unbeknownst of her up on the roof with a weapon that could kill any one of them. She stared at them blankly deep in her thoughts about the mystery around her newest assignment until she saw a movement from the corner of her eye. Someone was in Castle's living room again and she reached for the trigger with a relieved sigh only to find out that it was his mother. She had a stack of papers in her arms and she flicked her red hair over her shoulder as she stood in front of a mirror. Kate regarded her for a minute and suddenly she realized why she was so familiar to her. She was Martha Rogers, the actress on Broadway. Kate used to go to her plays with her parents on every other Friday night. They would eat dinner then watch the play and after that they used to walk along the streets, enjoying the night. Sometimes Kate brought one of her friends of a boyfriend with them… But that was long ago, and she had a melancholic feeling in her heart from thinking about it.

She averted her eyes and got back to gazing down on the street when she suddenly noticed Castle down there. She moved behind her weapon once more and targeted him, the small cross on the lens of the telescope right on where his heart was supposed to be. She waited one more second for a runner to pass by him then she couldn't keep a quiet laugh inside when she noticed his posture. He had his hands on his hips and he looked like a superhero. She grinned as she put her finger on the trigger and bit her lip when he seemed to realize the same thing and quickly changed it. Instead he crossed his arms over his chest and Kate rolled her eyes since his arm was right where she wanted to shoot at. A woman with a stroller went by him and she decided to wait until they were around the corner, just not having the heart to cause that poor mother a heart attack by killing someone so close to her…

When her attention got back to Castle he was peering around, observing the people on the street. She took a breath and half pulled the trigger, only waiting for a moment to make sure that nobody would run accidentally in front of him and get the bullet meant for him. Just as she was about to shoot Castle turned his head nervously around and Kate's eyes widened. She was sure she wasn't visible from the street but still she had a feeling Castle was going to look at her any minute. He was looking around wildly, searching for something or someone. Beckett knew she had to pull the trigger when his eyes snapped to the building she was on top of. He couldn't notice her!

She got ready but without any warning a car stopped right in front of his building. His eyes settled on the door and a beam lighted up his face as somebody started to get out.

"Crap!" she muttered and pulled away from the rifle. She grabbed the binoculars again and watched as a young red haired girl got out of the car and was pulled into Castle's arms.

Kate was surprised to see that his daughter was older than on the pictures from the internet. She was slim and her hair flew around her head in the slight breeze. They hugged for a moment and Kate had a chance to take in his face. His eyes were sparkling and he had small wrinkles around them caused by a bright smile on his lips. He was rather handsome and the way he was looking at his daughter made him even more irresistible.

Beckett growled, uncomfortable from the growing feeling of uncertainty inside her stomach. She couldn't kill him in front of his daughter. She couldn't cause that poor girl this kind of horror. Not when she knew how the mere fact that her father was dead would affect her life. Not when she knew from experience how much it hurt to lose one of your parents. And even worse to see the corpse...

The fact that she was one of the bests in the job wasn't important as Kate realized that she wasn't cruel enough to kill Castle when his daughter or any of his relatives for that matter were around. She couldn't bear the thought that they would have to watch the life slip out of him in seconds. It was a too big loss.

She knew it all too well. That's what made her an assassin...

It happened thirteen years ago when her mother was murdered. It was a cold winter night and Kate could never forget the chilly air that ran along the street as she hurried towards the restaurant. Her father was already there and he greeted her with an affectionate peck on the cheek and a warm hug. They settled down and started talking, knowing full well that Johanna tended to be late because of work. However, Kate couldn't dismiss the weird anxiety pulling at her gut, making her squirm and glance to the entrance every other minute. But her mom never showed up. Her father still thought it was all about work, he made a joke that he couldn't compete with a bunch of criminal files but Kate was on the edge. She pulled out her phone and dialed her mom only to hear the sound of her voicemail.

By the time they got home she was sweating and nervous. When she saw the detective at the door she knew. She knew it couldn't mean any good and she decided to shut it all out. It was easier not to understand. She could only grasp a few words. Gang violence. Mugging gone wrong. Do everything we can. Sorry for your loss...

Same old clichés. Kate didn't need any of it. She saw the shock on her father's face and the childish hopefulness with which Jim snapped his head towards the door every time something moved. Still hoping that she would come bursting through the front door, laugh at them and tell them that it was all right.

Of course it didn't happen. And when the detective left Jim had no better idea than to pour himself a shot of whiskey and try coping with it. To drink himself to oblivion.

Kate just sat in her old room with her knees pulled up to her chest. It was dark around her and she felt like she was alone in the world. Silent tears ran down her cheeks and she kept asking _why_. Why her mother? Why them? Why now? Why couldn't someone help her? Why did they kill her? Why were the cops not investigating this? Why didn't they catch the killer?

She sat on her bed, musing and feeling her world shatter around her. The pieces floating away, her old life disappearing as if it never existed.

All of a sudden she was a new Kate. She was tougher and cooler. She had locked up her feelings safely behind her new walls. She grew up. She changed. Because the old Kate couldn't have handled this situation.

From that day she was obsessed with Johanna's murder. She tried to track her mother's steps and get the answer for her questions. It wasn't an easy job but Kate found out that she was really good at it. She could convince anyone to share the information she needed with her and she could do her thing without anybody noticing her if she wanted to stay unseen. She broke into the storage room of a precinct to steal the files from her mom's case. When she saw the pictures from the crime scene though she threw up. It made her insides flame with anger and it drove her further into chasing whoever was responsible for the murder. She wanted justice for her mother and she wanted revenge for herself. She couldn't look at those pictures without feeling dizzy and nauseous again.

Staying under the radar and never rushing anything she got to the man who actually killed Johanna. It was her first job as an assassin even if at the time it wasn't like that at all. She was driven by pure anger and grief. It was the first life she took. She didn't even think about it twice when she pulled the trigger of the gun she bought from a guy in a club.

With hard and both physically and mentally exhausting work she finally managed to get to the man who ordered the murder of her mother and so many other innocent people. Kate killed him from a distance, the first time she used a rifle. Her shot had been sharp and lethal.

During her search she had gotten into a world she didn't even know existed and she found it easy to fit in. The shadowy clubs and doubtful people who she got to know somehow shared the kind of pain she was going through. Some of them even understood it. But most of all, they never asked questions. There was a way of solving things in that world and for that they didn't need to know who she was, or where she came from. She was successful and she got what she wanted.

Kate realized she could turn this new found revelation to her advantage and she started to toy with the idea of becoming someone of that world. A spy, a dealer, an assassin…

She ended up with the latter, going to a training where she had learnt how to properly use any kind of weapon and getting some combat training from a retired detective.

She became the best and she never looked back until reality hit her again. Her father who had used alcohol to forget his pains had become an addict and he hit rock bottom.

Kate's carefully built walls seemed to crack at the thought of her own father's suffering. She realized how selfish she had been, only thinking about her own pain and never thinking about what would happen to her father. She was too immersed in her grief and revenge to notice him. The new life she had didn't have any emotional attachments though. She couldn't think about anybody she loved while on a chase. She couldn't do it with the risk of losing someone. So she shut everybody out and no matter how hard it was she lived lonely. Of course, she had some fleeting romances with guys she met here and there. They didn't mean anything, they were fun and that's what Kate was searching for.

However, when she heard about her father's troubles she wavered. She loved her father, oh how she loved him. But it was too painful to be with him, to talk with him like in old times. That would remind her of her mother too much.

Kate realized that what she had been doing, building a new life and hiding in the shadows was exactly what Jim done too with the alcohol. And now she had to help him!

So she went to him and took him to a rehab. He was protesting with all he had, demanding she answered his questions but Kate had none of it. And from then on she visited him once in a while, always taking care not to be suspicious and never staying too much. But over the years they managed to recreate some of their relationship. Jim had no idea what Kate did for a living but he never asked questions because he had to find out in the beginning that he wouldn't get anwers. It wasn't ideal, but it was something. It was more than Kate had hoped for when she decided to become an assassin. At the age of twentythree that was her only human relationship with real emotions beyond it. And even though that sounded empty and miserable that was her way of coping...

She was thirtytwo now and things had barely changed. She had a few distant friends, no one particular, nobody really close. But she didn't really miss those feelings since she had learnt that having a loved one was a weakness. And being an assassin she couldn't afford having more than one...

So as she crouched on that roof, watching as the happy father-daughter duo made their ways inside she felt bad. She couldn't pull that trigger because she couldn't take the father away from that girl. Especially not when she was right there next to him...

She was mad at herself because she was the best, it was her job, she had to do it. And she was also helpless because this has never happened with her before. She had never had second thoughts about her targets. She was especially good in that, keeping her distance and building walls to protect herself. But somehow Richard Castle and his redheads got to her. And as Kate accidentally got a tiny look into their lives her doubts began to surface. Why would anybody want him killed? And more importantly, would she be able to do it?

**And this was it! What do you think? I'm really curious about your thoughts and opinions about Kate's backstory and how she watched the Castles... I can't wait to hear from you guys, so pretty please write a review! I'd love to hear what you thought about this chapter! Just know that all your words are treasure to me! :)**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Next chapter will be up in a week and I promise I will try to be faster this time, but sometimes I have terrible writers' block at the worst times...!**

**Anyways until then, xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the amazing feedback on last chapter! Although I was really happy about the reviews and I would like to thank again those of you who took their time to write me a few words and make my day better, I would also like to shout out a huge thanks for everyone who put me or the story on any kind of alert! I can't really reply to those, but I hope you guys know that it means a lot to me to see that you are interested! :)  
Now, onto the new chapter! I really thought this wouldn't be ready to post today but I got down to it and finished it, so I hope you will like it! :)  
Mistakes are mine and I apologize for every one of them! I try to check for errors, but I'm not perfect either… :)**

_Disclaimer: Sadly I have no hope to own this wonderful show…_

_Chapter 4_

She stormed into her apartment, throwing her bag on the floor and marching to the kitchen. She ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep calming breath. Her helpless frustration was turning to anger.

She pushed the lid of the delivery box open and rummaged through it with trembling hands. The man on the phone said she would know where to reach him. So there had to be some clue in that box...

She piled the money on the table next to the folder with Castle's information. She resisted the urge to growl when all the money was out of the box and there was still nothing. The package was empty. She opened the folder and flipped through the pages, scanning the sheets with the observative eyes of a professional.

After a few minutes an idea struck in her head. She reached for the cardboard box and started to tear it apart. Carefully she turned every side of it and at last she found what she was looking for. At neatly folded corner she spotted a series of tiny numbers. She let a satisfied smile spread on her lips as she took a closer look at the phone number that was scrawled on the paper.

Kate pulled out her cell and dialed the number, listening as it rang out. She clung to her phone hopefully, waiting for somebody to pick it up. She felt a desperate need to get rid of the slowly growing guilt in herself urgently. She had never had this problem before, until now she managed to stay untouched by her targets. But somehow, Richard Castle got to her, he awoke a new emotion in her that demanded reasons and answers. She couldn't help the urge to spare his life and like that she couldn't do her job. He got under her skin without even talking to her. How he did it was a mystery to her but Kate wanted it to end.

"Hallo?" sounded a voice and Kate let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"It's Kate Beckett. I have some questions..." she said and took the following silence as a cue to go on. "Why? Why do you want this man killed?" she asked.

"We've had some misunderstandings..." the man said with a dark chuckle.

"Is this about money?" she asked, wanting to find a logic behind it.

"That too. Also pride and reputation..." he replied seriously. Kate still didn't really understand what this was about, but at least she knew that Castle wasn't in some kind of a dark business. "Why? You can't do it? Because I wanted the best, but it seems like you're not the one..." he said tentatively and it snapped a switch in Kate.

"Of course I can do it! I will! I just wanted to know how dangerous he is..." she said almost defensively, but her voice was firm enough that the man couldn't have doubts about her certainty.

"Good luck then!" he said and Kate hung up without saying another word.

She slammed her cell phone down on the table then winced and reached for it instantly, checking if it was all right. It had taken her too much to get this phone all safe and untraceable to ruin it like that.

She stood beside the table for a moment and stared into the air in front of her, her thoughts running a thousand mile per hour as she tried to figure out her next move.

She had to kill him. And she had to do it when he was alone. Or at least without his family. So Kate rushed to her computer and turned it on. She drummed with her fingers on the desktop and rested her other hand on the mouse as she bit her bottom lip. When it was on she typed in a few search words and quickly found his official website. She had to let out a grunt when she saw the head of the page with charmingly grinning pictures of him. It all seemed way to egotistic to be true. She ignored everything though and clicked on upcoming events to see where the fans could meet the author next. She mentally congratulated herself when she saw that his next book signing would be tomorrow.

Kate decided that it would the perfect opportunity since Castle probably didn't drag his mother and daughter to book signings with him and in the crowd of squealing women Kate would have the chance to stay unnoticed. She only had to wait until everybody was gone and then she could do her job.

* * *

Castle stirred his coffee with a spoon that soon after landed in the sink with a thud. He grimaced thinking about Alexis's disappointed face when he told her he had to go to a book signing that day. They spent last night with her telling him everything about her stay with Meredith in Los Angeles and him complaining about Gina and boasting about the amount of writing he had done while she was away. When he mentioned the obligatory signing her face immediately fell and even though being Alexis, she tried her best to cover it up he saw her expression. He told her how sorry he was and she reassured him that it was all right, even offered to come with him but Rick declined knowing how much his daughter disliked these events when she was little. He had to bring her with himself when she was too young to be left alone and she was always dying from boredom. She never wanted him to feel bad about dragging her along though, so she put on her nicest smile and tried to occupy herself. Always mature and selfless, that was his girl!

So Castle had to wake up on time and go to his book signing alone. He took a bite of his toast and heard the sound of feet tapping on the stairs. He turned to see Alexis coming down the stairs with a soft, sleepy smile on her lips.

"Good Mornin' Dad!" she murmured as she strolled to him and leaning up she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Morning sweetie!" he hugged her briefly then put his toast down on the counter. Alexis shot him an unimpressed look and he shrugged. "You want some?" he asked, nodding towards the couple slices of bread next to the toaster.

"Yupp!" she nodded and moved to the cabinet to retrieve two plates.

Castle put the bread into the toaster then turned back to her.

"So what are you doing up? I thought you would be exhausted after a whole week with your mom!" he teased and Alexis rolled her eyes.

"I am. I just wanted to make sure you still don't want me to come with you... Also, yesterday I forgot to give you something!" she said with a coy smile.

"No, just stay home and relax! And what did you forgot?" he asked and grew a bit suspicious when she hurried to the hall and he heard her rustling in her handbag. "Pumpkin?" he called after her.

She reappeared in the kitchen with a plastic bag in her hand and she handed it to him with a sparkle in her eyes.

"What is this?" he asked, glancing at the bag but not into it.

"Open it!" she instructed and at her excited voice Castle felt his own pulse speed up. He eagerly pulled the bag open and squealed in delight when he saw what was inside.

"You didn't..." he chuckled at Alexis as he reached for the item.

"Maybe I did..." she shrugged all the while grinning at him happily.

"Oh My God! This is so _awesome_!" he cried out giddily as he held the pack of socks in front of him, admiring the patters of them. "You got me Star Wars themed socks!" he murmured and he seemed seriously touched. He regarded the socks with contentment in his eyes then he grinned up at Alexis. "You are the best daughter ever!" he told her and she laughed.

"You're welcome! I just thought you could use a Yoda printed sock today..." she said and reached for the toast that had just got ready.

"You're right! I'm putting them on right now!" he agreed with wide eyes and he started to pull off his socks madly.

"Dad, at least sit down! You're going to fall..." Alexis laughed at his swaying form and he reached out to grab the counter with one hand while he peeled his simple brown sock he was wearing off with the other.

When he was ready he turned his feet from side to side to see all of it properly, grinning at the figures on his socks.

"Now I'm ready for today!" he announced and Alexis nodded with a serious face. She spread some jam on her toast and took a huge bite before sitting down at the counter. Castle also got back to his half finished breakfast.

"How long will this signing take?" she asked between bites and Castle held up a finger for her to wait until he chewed and swallowed.

"I don't really know. It starts at half past eight and I guess it won't take longer than a few hours. God, I hope it won't take longer!" he said and downed the remains of his coffee.

"Half past eight?" she asked back and he nodded with the mug still at his mouth. "I don't want to stress you Dad, but you're going to be late!" she said, pointing at the clock.

Castle glanced at it quickly and saw that she was right, it was already quarter past eight.

"Oh shit!" he put his mug down and ran for his coat. "Thanks Pumpkin, I love you!" he said as he hurried back into the kitchen to press a kiss to her forehead.

"Love you too, bye Dad!" she said as he made his way to the front door. "Have a nice day!" she called after him when he ran out the door.

* * *

The next morning Kate woke early and went out for a run in the park. The cool morning air helped to freshen up and clear her mind and she told herself that last day was just a stupid, irrational faltering in her chase. It was just a moment of weakness and she would get over it. She felt strong and emotionless again, Richard Castle had no power over her feelings. She would be able to shoot him without feeling one bit guilty.

When she got back to her apartment she took a shower and grabbed her Glock from her nightstand. She couldn't show up on a public book signing with a rifle and she decided that watching him from afar and shooting him from a distance wasn't going to work this time. She would have to wait until he left the bookstore and catch him in an alley. She shuddered from the thought, from how much it had reminded her of her mother. But she would have to do it. One way or another, Richard Castle had to die. That was her job and she would prescind from all the doubts and emotions she had… She was the best, and judging by the words of her employer she had to prove it. This was her chance to prove that indeed she was the best of all!

She put the gun into the waistband of her jeans at her back and she felt the reassuring pressure of the weapon as she put on a jacket.

Kate grabbed an apple and her phone as she walked out of her home. She jogged down the back stairs and adjusted her gun once more before she stepped out onto the street.

The sun was shining with an almost blinding strength and she had to narrow her eyes to see. She took off in the direction of the bookstore where Castle held his signing. It wasn't too far from there and Kate thought it was useless to go with the underground since it would take almost the same time as walking. She bit into her apple and maneuvered between people with swift strides.

In twenty minutes she was at the book store and her face fell as she noticed the sinuous queue in the shop. Kate couldn't believe how could anybody wait in line for hours to get a book signed. For her it was always about the book itself, the plot and the characters and never about who signed it and what they wrote to her.

She groaned when she noticed that there didn't really seem to be any men in the queue. It was so ridiculous, the tons of giggling women who bought his books, only wanting to meet the author.

She entered the shop and could barely move from the women waiting in line.

Kate let out a grunt as she pressed herself past them. The women looked at her with hostile eyes when they thought she was trying to make her way to Castle but she didn't care about them. She turned into an aisle which was under the crime section sign. She saw the big table in the middle with Castle's books on it and she made her way to it. Simply out of curiosity she picked up a book and turned it in her hand. _Wind between the shells_ was its title. The cover design was dark, grey and blue and on the front there was a single bullet in the sand. She flicked it open and smirked at the grinning face of the author on the cover. He looked like a self-centered, arrogant jackass and even though Kate never judged by first impression it seemed much easier to murder him if she though of him as a jerk.

She turned a few pages and got to the first chapter. With a critical but intrigued raise of her eyebrow her eyes ran over the words. She leaned back and sat down on the edge of the table with the book still in her hands. She would just see how he wrote, just a few pages!

_The clouds were dark above Agent Christopher Wind as he crossed the street to the run-down military building. He looked up at the facade and thought of all the long years he had spent in there. The cool breeze from the ocean hit his face and he inhaled slowly._

_He entered the building and it felt like he had never left. The receptionist greeted him as an old friend and he waved back, running his eyes over the small entry hall. There was a broad staircase opposite the front door and a corridor to the left which Wind knew led to the conference hall. The windows were covered with dark brown curtains and a small sofa and an armchair was standing next to a coffee table. _

_Wind made his way to the stairs and walked up, taking one deliberate step at the time. He only suspected what was waiting for him upstairs and he needed the time to get ready._

_He strolled down a narrow corridor and stopped in front of a door on his left. It was a plain brown wooden door, but Wind's heart sped up as he gazed at it._

_He took a deep breath and straightened his light blue shirt. Then he raised his fist and knocked twice. The knock echoed through the room on the other side of the door and he was grateful that it sounded rather confident._

_"Come in!" he heard the familiar voice and he pressed down on the handle._

_The room was in a dim light and he saw three silhouettes at the window. He stepped inside and one of them, the only one he knew turned towards him. _

_"Agent Wind, welcome! It's good to see you!" Captain Robert Malt greeted him and there was a sad, nostalgic expression on his wrinkled face that made Christopher worried._

_The other two had turned to watch them as well, and Wind looked at the strangers. _

_"These are Agent Gray and Lieutenant Hassel." the captain introduced them and the men shook hands. "They came to inform me of a rather uncomfortable situation that needs to be dealt with absolute discretion and professionalism. That is where you come into the picture Wind. I've known you for a while and I trust you with this case." he continued and Christopher watched as the light glinted on the few white hairs on his head. It was weird to see the captain getting old, in his mind's eye he would always be the brave soldier by whose side Wind had fought in Iraque._

_"What is it, sir?" he inquired, his insides clenching with anxienty._

_"There has been a murder." one of the guests spoke. His voice was deep and flat, he didn't show any emotions. As Wind turned his eyes on him Agent Gray held his stare. He was tall, black and bold. He could have been considered friendly had it not been for the coldness in his eyes._

_"Where?" Wind asked, now turning away from his old captain towards the two men._

_"In one of our training camps." came the answer from the other man, Lieutenant Hassel. He looked tensed, his arms crossed across his chest, his lips in a line._

_"You've proved to have good instincts Wind and you know a bit about detective work! I need you to investigate this!" Captain Malt told him and Wind thought it over for a minute while the rest of the room stayed silent._

_"Who's the victim?" he asked the final, most important question and saw as the three glanced together nervously. The captain stepped to his desk and retrieved a folder but neither of them spoke. Lieutenant Hassel ran his fingers through his light blond crew cut. "Who?" Wind asked again, his stomach tightening._

_Captain Malt handed him an envelope from the folder and Wind couldn't help but gulp as he reached for it. There must have been a reason why these tough soldiers were so reluctant to let him know who the victim was, and Wind wasn't sure he was ready to face it. But he had to nevertheless._

_"It's Victoria Downey." Agent Gray said and for once his emotionless tone held a hint of apology._

_Wind felt the air knocked out of him as he opened the envelope with trembling fingers and pulled out a picure. His head went spinning, his vision blurred and he couldn't breathe normally as his eyes fell on the face he hadn't seen for so long. And now won't ever see again. Her beautiful brown hair was tousled, there were nasty bruises around her eyes and her lips were bloody. And her eyes, her amazing green eyes were half closed, staring into infinity without life in them. He couldn't look at the rest of the picture, his eyes remained fixed on the face of his old partner._

Someone cleared their throat next to Kate and she jumped slightly at the sound. She looked up from the book she was so immersed in and realized that she was sitting right in the middle of the aisle, her legs blocking the way. She smiled apologetically at the woman who tried to get past and she pushed herself up from the table. Her mind was blank and all she could see was the scene Castle's words painted in front of her.

With the book still in her hand she walked to the end of the aisle to check how the queue looked. She pursed her lips in annoyance when she saw that it was even longer now, if that was possible. She had to wait until he was finished, but she also couldn't stay here for too long.

But then her eyes found the book in her hand and she squeezed them shut before deciding. It wouldn't hurt if she kept herself engaged while he was signing, and she couldn't affort losing sight of him so she might as well sit in one of the armchairs in the back of the shop and read a bit more...

So Kate took the book and plopped down in one of the fotels, crossing her legs and shifting a little so that the gun at her back wasn't pressing into her hips. She opened the book again and continued reading, getting so engrossed in the story that in the matter of minutes she completely forgot where and who she was...

**And this was it! What do you think?  
Christopher Wind and all that story is sort of mine… Because I didn't want to bother with a real Castle quote from one of his books and that wouldn't even fit into the timeline I've imagined, so… I thought, why not make up a new character? I hope you didn't mind it…  
I absolutely can't wait to hear your thoughts about this chapter, so please write me a couple of words in a review! I would really need to hear your opinion about it because I sort of wasn't really sure about some parts of this and I'm a bit nervous…*blush*  
As always, thank you for reading and even bigger thanks if you review! :)  
Next chapter will be up in a week! I can't promise a sooner update because I know I will have a hell of a week but I'll do my best!  
Until then, xxx **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, I know I know I'm a terrible person and I'm super late with this chapter but I couldn't finish this part for yesterday… So I really hope you will forgive me!  
Thank you all for your lovely feedback on last chapter, I'm overwhelmed every time I see your reviews and alerts! They totally mean the world to me! :) For those who reviewed as a Guest, thank you and I'm really sorry I can't reply to your review, I hope you know you are all dearly appreciated! :) Also thanks to those who read but don't review! I hope you are enjoying the story…  
Here is the new chapter, I sometimes had a hard time writing it, I hope it won't show…:)**

_Disclaimer: I wish I owned Castle…_

_Chapter 5_

"I'm sorry, miss! It's closing hour..." a polite and shy voice cut through the haze of the story that surrounded her and Kate tore her eyes away from the novel in her hand. She looked up at the middle aged man who stood before her with a small smile on his face. "We would like to close the shop!" he repeated when he saw the utter confusion in her eyes.

"What? What time it is?" she gasped, her eyes wide in shock. She tried to stand up but found out she couldn't, her legs which she had somehow tucked under herself while reading felt heavy as iron.

"It's five past six o'clock, miss." the seller told her as he slowly helped her stand up.

Kate checked the gun at her back, letting out a relieved sigh when she felt that it was still securely in her waistband.

"I'm so sorry! I...uh...I." she stammered and her head was still a bit blank. She looked at the book in her hand, about half of the last chapter was still a mystery to her and to be honest she couldn't wait to find out what would happen. But as she stared at the title her eyes shifted to the author and suddenly it occured to her that she was here because of a reason other than reading. "Oh no. Shit!" she hissed and turned to the store owner. "I gotta run, I really am sorry! I'll come back to buy the book...uh, later!" she handed it to him quickly and headed for the exit, glancing once more at the table where Castle had been seated just a few hours ago. Now the queue was all gone and the only remainder of his signing were the books piled up on the desk he was signing at and the empty coffee cup that rested on the edge of the table.

Kate cursed her brain for even allowing herself to touch his book. She should have known that it would lead to no good.

She burst out of the door and the chilly afternoon air washed away all that was left of the cozy warmness of the shop. She turned right and started for the nearby coffee shop.

The smell of coffee filled her nostrils as she entered and Kate inhaled deeply, still clearing her mind. She went to the counter and placed her order then waited for her name to be called. She didn't want to sit down, she felt too active. She wanted to run, scream to fight the unfairness of the world.

She was starting to get really worried about this job. It upset her to be feeling so unsteady. She was no longer in complete control and it made her angry at Castle. How on earth could he get under her skin without even properly meeting her? Kate now wanted him dead, she wished this job could be just over. That her sudden weakness would be gone and she could get back to her regular life.

If only he wouldn't find ways to distract her. To make him more interesting for her. Interesting, different, precious... That was his writing. Kate hadn't felt this drawn in by a book in years. It was quite amazing and that scared her. Could she really believe that he was an arrogant egotistical idiot when his words were so beautifully heartbreaking? They got to her, cut through the walls she had built up and spoke to her soul. They were honest and strong and enchanting. They reminded Kate of her mother.

She had to get this job done and get as far away from his family and books as she could. They were dangerous for her and Kate was mad at him for putting her in this situation.

She got her beverage and eagerly took a sip as she exited the shop. It was starting to darken around her but she kept walking the streets restlessly, clutching to her take out cup and willing her mind to stop thinking about Richard Castle and his freaking words.

The next morning she woke super early and packed a bag with all kinds of stuff she would need for surveillance. She sighed while she stuffed her gun into the backpack too. She hated surveillance, it was the most boring way. But it seemed like nothing else would work with Castle. She had to watch him, wait for him to leave his loft alone then follow him until she could corner him somewhere. Then she would have to kill him face to face. She hated the thought of it with all her heart, but she also couldn't stand her reputation getting harmed.

It was just a job, he was just a target nothing more! That was what she kept telling herself. He was just a job, no other than the others she had already finished. He was no different, no better... Just a target!

She took the subway to his building and when she was standing in front of it she looked around. She couldn't just stand there and wait for him, she would have to find a hiding place. Luckily she spotted a café just a few blocks down on the opposite side of the road. That would be fine, she could sit at a table next to the window all day. She had a book with her and from there she would have a great sight of the entrance of his house.

She entered the shop and searched for the best table then put her bag onto the bench next to herself and waited for a waitress to come over to her. She ordered a latte and a croissant then pulled out her book and while opening it she glanced at Castle's building. A doorman stood inside the huge glass door but she couldn't see anybody else coming in or out. It was still rather early and everybody must have been still asleep Kate decided and shoot the young girl an appreciative smile when she put a mug of steaming coffee and a fresh croissant down in front of her.

„Thank you!" she said and smelled the latte with a delighted hum.

She scanned the page and suddenly her mind wondered back to the words she had been so lost yesterday. His words surrounded her, the story playing out in front of her like the best move she had ever seen. She wanted to know the end of it, but she knew she couldn't go back and buy that book. She couldn't even get near his books ever again… She would have to discipline herself and stay away. Stay as far away from anything connected to Castle as it was possible.

Kate read her book for hours, only glancing up to check on the entrance of the house on the other side of the street. She had done it almost automatically and perfectly unsuspiciously. It was a skill that she had perfected over the years of working as an assassin, she knew just when to look up so that nobody would notice it.

She was sort of losing hope that Castle would leave his loft that day when she finally spotted a broad shouldered figure coming out of the front door. She lowered her hand with the book and focused her eyes on him. She regarded as he sauntered down the street slowly, his steps a bit bearish and she felt a smile tug at her lips. He was adorable…. No, Kate! NO! She stopped herself… Richard Castle, her next target was not at all adorable. Nothing positive… He was just that, a target. An idiot, arrogant, swell-headed target!

She closed the book and tossed some cash on the table before she slid out of the booth and headed for the exit. She quickly got out of the café and welcomed the cool wind on her face. Castle was still walking peacefully down the street and as Kate roamed her eyes over the shops she realized that his predicted destination must be the grocery store on the next corner. She put her backpack on and rushed after him, almost getting hit by a taxi as she crossed the road.

Meanwhile, Castle got to the shop and entered without realizing that he was being followed. Kate slowed her steps down and considered her options. She could go in after him, but she couldn't get the job done in there… Maybe she should just wait for him outside the shop. But when she got there an undeniable force pulled her inside and by the time she knew Kate was in the shop as well. She eyed the supermarket and saw him at the deep-frozen products. He had his back to her and Kate hid behind a shelf of biscuits from where she could watch him without being seen. Castle was looking at ice creams and when he finally chose one he went on to get some chocolate and candy. Kate was rolling her eyes behind her shelf when much to her horror he turned in her direction and she could have sworn that he looked right between her eyes before he took a step towards the chips and biscuits aisle. She managed to sprint into the next aisle before he shuffled into hers and Kate let out a long sigh. When she saw him turning back and starting his way to the cashier she took a step back from the shelf and run her fingers through her hair. She was about to make her way to the exit and wait for him two blocks down when she ran into somebody as she walked out of the aisle.

"Oh, I'm really sorry!" she apologized instantly, crouching down to pick up the goods that the other person dropped when they crashed. She couldn't believe how stupid mistakes she made since she got this job. They were the most unprofessional mistakes that only a rookie would do… But yet here she was, doing them. Here she was following her target into a shop where she crashes into someone. Way to go Kate… So much for staying unnoticed! And she already lost sight of Castle.

Kate collected the couple of things on the floor, fretting about her wandering, rather disturbed brain when she became aware of the items in her hand. Two bars of chocolate and a bag of marshmallows.

"It's all right!" said the voice of a man and she looked at the feet of the person standing in front of her with racing heart. Kate stood up with wide eyes and pushed the stuff into Castle's hand before turning on her heel and hurrying out of the shop.

Was it even possible to be more unlucky? She couldn't really imagine, but all she knew that his blue eyes were burned in her mind for ever. She would never forget the deep cadence of his soft voice and the small amused smirk that took over his face.

She had to get him out of her head, but it was getting worse and worse every time she tried to kill him.

Kate knew that she reached the critical point. There was only one thing left to do and even though she was sort of sick of the thought she knew that this was the only solution left. She needed a quick and lethal way out without any opportunity of a mistake. She couldn't go wrong this time because she already felt she was way too deep into this. But she needed to prove that she could do it!

* * *

Castle closed the door of his loft with his foot while he carried a grocery bag in his arms. It was packed with sweets and unhealthy food. He knew that Alexis would give him 'the look' when she got home from her day out with her friends but he couldn't help it. He was in a serious writers' block and sometimes chocolate and ice cream helped him.

He put the bag down on the counter and started to unload it when he felt his pocket vibrate. Or more correctly his phone in his pocket. He fished it out with two fingers and after looking at the screen he picked up.

"Ahoy, CaptainCastle hears you!" he said in a funny pirate voice, his face splitting into a huge grin.

"Very funny Rick!" he heard the absolutely not amused voice of Gina and made a face of annoyance. "I'm calling about work…" she informed him harshly.

"Wouldn't hope for anything else, dear Gina!" he teased her and plopped down onto one of the barstools.

"You should really grow up sometime Richard!" she told him and he snorted.

"Spoilsport! There is no fun in growing up…" he whined exaggeratedly to make her more huffy.

"Rick!" she snapped at him and Castle decided to push at her buttons just a bit more, just for his own entertainment.

"What? You wanted to say something, didn't you?" he asked in an impatient voice as if he needed to remind her for the umpteenth time.

"Yes!" she hissed then took a deep breath to compose herself. "You have an appearance at the _Rhythm _tomorrow night! Everyone who counts will be there, and guess who's got an invitation!" she said cheerfully.

"That's great Gina!" he said but his voice lacked any happiness. "And what kind of an event this will be?"

"Some sort of fundraiser..." she said rather uncertainly.

"And why do I have to go?" he asked with a sigh.

"Because we want publicity for _Wind between the shells _! You'll go there, smile, shake hands and be your charming self. Richard you know it's part of your job..." she said.

"Yeah, I know. Can I take Alexis?" he asked, already suspecting the answer.

"No Rick, that wouldn't look so good...This will be a nightclub, not a place where you take your daughter. Please!" she pleaded with him and he pursed his lips together annoyedly.

"Fine. I'll be there!" he agreed and after saying goodbye he hung up.

He groaned and opened a pack of marshmallows. Now he needed the comfort food...

He went into his office with the bag of soft cadies in his hand and collapsed into his swivel chair. He threw a couple of marshmallows into his mouth and closed his eyes as it melted. New ideas, he had to make up a new story for Christopher Wind...

His mind stayed embarrassingly blank though and he was crazy frustrated in the matter of minutes. The more he tried to come up with an idea the more his brain seemed useless. And every time he decided to strain his mind a bit because hell, he was an author of a series of bestsellers he could at least write an outline, Castle ended up with lazy, meaningless thoughts. When he realized he had been gazing at his desktop for almost five minutes again Castle let out a resigned huff and bowed his head until his forehead rested on the table. Maybe he wouldn't get any writing done that day after all…

* * *

Kate couldn't sleep that night. All she could thing about was his sparkling eyes and his voice. His alluring words that could tell her just any story and she would gladly believe it. That warm, contagious smile that appeared on his face when he saw his daughter.

She couldn't get him out of her mind and it was driving her absolutely mad. More so that now she knew what she had to do to get him, and what she was about to do was both a bit tempting and disgusting.

Laying in her bed she turned and tossed all night and got up as the first rays of sunlight appeared on her ceiling. She literally jumped out of bed and snuggled into her couch for a half an hour before starting her day. She tried listening to music, making breakfast and reading but she couldn't get rid of him. She knew that there was only one way to get him out of her system.  
Nope, that wasn't true… There were two ways. But one of them was so unthinkable in her situation that Kate couldn't even allow herself to consider it as an option. She had to kill him, that was it.

So as soon as she thought it was appropriate she picked up her phone and searched for the phone number of Castle's agency on the internet.

She was quite surprised how little security there was because only with a couple of lies about being a journalist for a fancy tabloid she managed to get all the information about his whereabouts. She talked to an assistant of some kind at Black Pawn and he told her that Castle will be attending a fundraiser that night.

Kate swiftly ran the thought through her head, pondering about it then decided that it would do! The sooner the better, and she really couldn't sit around and wait any longer.

Kate had a guess that it was going to take more than a few lies to get in at the party but such a simple thing like that couldn't stop her. She usually didn't like lying but if it was neccessary she could lie like reading it from a book. It was another skill she had developed since she worked in this business.

She looked at her clock and sighed, it was only 9 am. She had an entire day ahead her and she didn't know what to do to keep him out of her head...

Kate paced her apartment aimlessly until she arrived in her bathroom and her eyes fell on the growing pile of laundry. With a determined expression she kneeled on the ground and began to sort her clothes out. Lingerie, dark clothes, colorful clothes... One by one she put them all in their own group around her on the bathroom floor. But just around the fifth or sixth item her mind began to get bored with being occupied by only one thing and she started thinking about her plans for that night. She chose a dress and she imagined walking in the club and searching for him in the crowd. She could feel her heart beat speed up as she saw him in her mind's eye, dressed in a dark blue button-down and elegant trousers. She would walk up to him, their eyes connecting as she got closer, blue staring into green...

Kate threw a checked shirt back down on the floor with a defeated moan and stood up. This wasn't working, she needed a more efficient distraction.

She was standing next to her bathtub helplessly, trying really hard not to think about Castle at all when she heard her phone ring. She almost ran to get it, entirely way too grateful for the call that brought just a minute of freedom from her thoughts. But when she glanced at the caller she frowned, pausing before answering.

She wanted distraction, but not this kind. It was dangerous to talk to him while she was in an operation but Kate simply couldn't resist the urge and decided that it could hardly get any worse anyways... So she cleared her throat, pushing all negative thoughts into the back of her mind for both of their sakes, and pressed the answer button.

"Hey Dad!"

**So this was it… I can't wait to hear what you think so pretty please write me a couple words in a review! I'm dying to know your opinion! :)  
This chapter wasn't going to end like this, but this idea came to my head and I didn't want to just skip ahead to the night at the bar… So I did this, I hope you like the idea! :)  
Thank you so much for reading and an even bigger thanks if you take your sweet time to review! :)  
Next chapter will be up in a week, hopefully sooner because I already have the whole chapter in my head it only needs to be typed! So let's hope that I'll have time… Can't promise anything though…  
Until then, xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! First of all, I was really sad that some of you didn't like last chapter, or thought of it as a filler. But I would like to say a huge thank you for telling me your opinion because it is really important for me! So thanks for reviewing! And also to those of you who wrote positive things, you kept my day brighter so thanks for keeping me above the water! :)  
Here is the new chapter, I truly hope you will like it because I kind of enjoyed writing it! :)**

_Disclaimer: As much as I'd like to, I don't own it…_

_Chapter 6_

Thirty minutes later Beckett was hurrying out her front door, choosing to ride the elevator down.

She and her father had set up a lunch date and she could only hope that it wouldn't get her in any more trouble. But he sounded rather excited and said he had something to tell her, and Kate just couldn't say no to his offer. Their relationship was still fragile, standing on shaky legs and she wasn't sure a rejection would do them any good. Anyway, it was far too dear for her to risk it. And even though she knew that being around her father during a job was just as risky she agreed to meet him. She seemed to take all the wrong steps, piling mistake on mistake since she got this assignment so this was pretty much the smallest thing. Her father never called her like this, it was always her who initiated their meetings so it must have been really important for him. Kate didn't want him to believe that she didn't care.

So there she was, stepping out of the elevator in a casual jeans and hoodie combination with only some cash and a cell in her pocket, hoping that at least this lunch would divert her mind from Castle.

But two hours later she had to find out that her hopes were pointless, she couldn't concentrate on her father and she felt awful by the time they said their goodbyes. Jim swore that it was all right, that he had a great time with her but Kate couldn't turn a blind eye on the fact that she barely even reacted to the news of her father's new job as the deputy of the district attorney. Even though it was huge! The best thing that happened to her dad since… Well, since her mom died.

She entered her apartment with a coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other. She had been thinking about her outfit for that night all the way home and now she immediately made her way to her closet. She pushed shirts and jeans aside and dug out the few evening gowns she had. She spread them out on her bed and took a step back to regard them. After a moment she rolled her eyes at herself, she was being ridiculous, acting like a teenage girl getting ready for prom night.

She did manage to pick out a dress though and bringing it with herself, she went into the bathroom to take a long bath and wash her hair.

The assistant from Black Pawn said that the event would start at seven and she wanted to get there by six to map the place. She had to know it better than the back of her hand if she wanted to lure Castle away from the crowds and then disappear.

With her hair in a loose bun and her dress folded neatly in a bag she left her home at five in the afternoon. Her make-up was light enough to go unnoticed and she put some mascara and lipstick into her clutch. Her smallest gun and a thigh holster were hiding under the dress in the bag.

She caught a cab instead of taking the subway and when she told the driver she was heading to the _Rhythm _he shot her a curious look with a knowing smirk. She was confused but didn't comment it, all she knew about this club was that it was rather new and said to be extravagant. Only when the car stopped at the entrance did she understand the look. The club was in a tall building with huge neon lights practically screaming its name. There was sort of a red carped on the pavement leading to the entrance and by the time she arrived there was a huge queue in front of it.

Kate thanked the driver, paid and got out with her bag on her arm. She looked along the long line of people wanting to get in tonight and narrowed her eyes.

She would absolutely not get in line! One, that wasn't her style and two, she didn't have the time. So she glanced around before heading the other way, circling the corner of the building. The other side of it was much less glamorous and she saw the staff entrance just at the end of the short street that she turned into. She evaluated her options and decided to take her chance and try to slip into the building there…

Kate was lucky as the door was half open and she couldn't see anybody nearby. There was a truck a few meters down the street but the driver was smoking a cigarette, leaning on the driver side door, not even looking in her way…

Kate tiptoed to the door quietly, moving like a nocturnal wild cat then gracefully slid inside with one swift movement. She felt powerful and uncatchable, like a ghost… She was once again in her element and that made her incredibly confident and relieved at the same time! Tonight, nothing could stop her. Nothing at all!

* * *

Castle adjusted his tie over his light brown shirt and grimaced at his reflection in the mirror. He so didn't want to go to this fundraiser, but he also knew that if he didn't show up Gina andPaula would join forces and slowly, torturously kill him. So he had no other choice than to put on a handsome smile and shake hands with everybody…

He made his way out to the living room where his daughter was busy reading a book.

"How do I look?" he asked, waiting for her to take his appearance in and decide if he looked good enough to go or if he had to go back to his room and change. This was their usual ritual before every one of these parties...

"You look great dad, I'm proud of you for the tie... You often screw it up with the tie, but now you chose correctly!" Alexis grinned at him from the couch and Castle made a flattered face, fanning his face with his hand as if he was flushed from the compliment.

"Thanks sweetie, it took me ten minutes to pick it out so it better be perfect!" he smiled as well and headed to the kitchen. "You sure you don't want me to sneak you in?" he asked and she chuckled. He made it sound like a badass ninja thing...

"Nope, I don't mind that I can't come. I wouldn't want to anyways..." she admitted and watched him, waiting for the reaction she knew he'd have.

"Since when?" he asked with raised eyebrows and a completely confused voice. Alexis used to love these parties ever since she was a little girl. She loved that she could buy a dress and dress up nicely, she loved that there were many people and that everybody danced and chatted. What happened?

"Well, I kind of have...other plans." the end of her sentence was just a murmur and she averted her eyes self consciously.

"What?" he asked and turned to her.

"I have a date..." she told him and his eyes widened.

"Really? Who is the guy?" he asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"His name is Greg and I've met him on advanced french!" she said while standing up from the couch.

"You take advanced french?" he asked incredulously.

"Oui Monsieur!" Alexis laughed at his shocked expression. "So, you don't... Mind that I have a date?" she asked cautiously, stepping closer to the kitchen where he stood froze to the spot.

"Wha..? No! I mean, it surprised me. I-I mean... It didn't, but you know, just all of a sudden you tell me something like that and I have to remind myself how old you are! I guess I'll just have to get used to it..." he shrugged and looking down he tugged on his tie.

"Don't mess with it!" Alexis warned and walking up to him she fastened it more firmly on his neck. "Thank you dad, for making it easy for me!" she added in a murmur and pecked his cheek before she took a step back. "There you go, ready for the party!" she grinned.

Just in that moment the doorman phoned to tell Castle that his car was waiting downstairs.

"Thanks Pumpkin, I love you!" he told his daughter after hanging up and hugged her briefly. "Have a wonderful time!" he said over his shoulder as he went for his coat.

"You too!" she told him as he exited the loft and she closed the door behind him.

Castle got into the car and gave the driver the address Gina messaged him ten minutes ago. Then he settled back and squirmed a little in his seat to find a spot where his elegant trousers were the less uncomfortable.

The driver talked on his cell and Castle watched the familiar neighborhood fly by.

He was at the club in less than fifteen minutes and as he glanced at the huge sign above the entrance he sighed.

He got out of the car and headed for the door. He gave his name to the man standing there and he was allowed inside with a polite nod. The party had started at seven but he was purposefully an hour late. He figured if he showed up later he would have to spend less time there… The room was already crowded and he heard a general chattering noise floating around, mixing with the quiet music the band on the stage played. The lights were dim and gave the vast room a rather elegant atmosphere.  
Castle navigated towards the bar with the hope of a good scotch before he had to engage in small talk with anyone. He felt a small wave of victory when he reached the counter and put on his most charming smile to get the attention of the bartender.

"Good evening, what can I get you?" the young man asked politely, raising his voice so that Castle could hear him easily over the music.

"A scotch on the rocks, please!" he ordered and the bartender reached for a glass with a nod.

Castle let his eyes wander over the people, looking for a familiar face and at the same time hoping that he wouldn't meet someone who he didn't want to spend time with. At a round table beside the small dance floor he could see Angela Robbins, a freelance journalist who liked to write the most scandalous and juicy lies which she liked to call stories and sell them to the tabloid who paid the most for them. He would certainly avoid that area for the rest of the night. He spotted a few fellow crime writers sitting at a table next to the bar, looking immersed in whatever their conversation was about. Castle decided to go by and say hello later, but at the moment he wasn't in the mood to discuss his writing. Or in his case, the recent lack of it. He hated writers' block!

His drink arrived and he perched himself on one of the stools, taking a sip and eyeing the room. He also wanted to avoid women in general that night because he didn't want to deal with the possibility of an awkward morning after. Besides, he promised Alexis he would take her to the movies next day...

His face lit up when he recognized the Mayor at the other end of the room, surrounded by people who wanted to have a word with him. Rick waved at him when the Mayor turned his head towards the bar and he greeted him with a smile. Castle shot him his best sympathetic look but the Mayor just shrugged subtly, only sending the sign to Castle.

Rick was starting to get comfortable, putting his elbows on the counter and taking another sip of his quickly disappearing drink when he felt it. The same weird feeling that he had felt a couple of days ago on the street. The feeling of being watched.

And even though on an event like this it wouldn't have been too unusual for someone to notice him and maybe stare at him, he was used to that. But this was different. This wasn't the usual awareness that somebody was looking at him, this was a tingling, tightening feeling in his stomach, the all of a sudden fastening of his heartbeat. He turned his eyes around the room, looking for anybody who would watch him, the feeling unnerving, making him twitchy. He squirmed in his seat and drank the remains of his scotch, hoping that the alcohol would ease his mind.

It didn't help that he had scanned to room at least three times already and he couldn't find a single person who was looking at him. Everybody was having a great time, dancing and talking and flirting and drinking, nobody glancing his way.

He would have found it amusing if he wasn't feeling so panicky. He would have tried to get inspiration from these people, look for characters in the way they talked or walked, listen in to some of the conversations for ideas but he couldn't put his anxiety aside. It came up again and again, nagging at him until he started eyeing the room with no success.

And just when he was about to give up and consider himself paranoic he saw her. She was standing almost perfectly opposite him, on the other side of the dance floor, half hidden by a group of men in tuxedos. Their eyes connected and the time stopped for him. Her smoky eyes were an unnamable color which made his breath hitch in his lungs. They were tough and mysterious and determined mixed with just the hint of tenderness deep inside them. He was gazing without any thought in his head, admiring her overwhelming beauty when one of her eyebrows slowly, elegantly moved upwards. Her expression became amused and somehow challenging and Castle tore his eyes away from hers. He looked her up and down, his heart racing as his eyes traveled her slender form. From her incredibly high heels, up her long legs to her scandalously short, black dress which hugged her curves perfectly. Her stunning brown hair was in a masterly made loose bun at the back of her head, a couple of curly strands hanging around her face.

A dancing pair moved into his view of her and Castle felt the trance break, the bubble that separated them from the rest of the room suddenly breaking.

When the couple danced out of the way she was nowhere to be seen and he gasped in surprise, doubting his own state of mind. He couldn't have imagined her, right?

Castle searched the dance floor and the crowds surrounding but couldn't find her anywhere. He hung his head disappointedly and stared into his glass, thinking about a refill before he started the obligatory rounds of small talk when he noticed a form in the corner of his vision. She was swaying lightly to the rhythm of the music, her waist and legs moving gracefully as she approached him at the bar.

"Hello there, lonely!" she greeted him and elbowed on the counter next to him.

He repressed a groan before waving to the bartender for another drink and turning to her.

"Hi Monique!" he grinned at the woman in front of him, leaning in to kiss her cheek ever so briefly. Monique McDowell was a young Broadway actress who had been dancing around him ever since he went to one of her plays with his mother. She was rather pretty and funny but she couldn't keep her distance. Castle didn't like pushy women and anyways, he was simply not interested in her. He had told her this a few times already and he didn't know how could he do it again without hurting her pride.

"Why are you sulking here all alone? Come and join us at a table! We are having so much fun, but of course it would be unquestionably better with you!" she chirped and touched his arm.

"I'm good thanks... I'm just..." he stammered, looking around desperately, trying to find a way out. Any excuse to save himself from this woman who would cling on him all night.

"Are you with someone? Are you waiting for them?" Monique asked curiously with a bit of jealousy in her voice which annoyed Castle to no end.

The waiter put the fresh glass of scotch in front of him and Castle eagerly took a big sip, earning himself some more time to answer. He searched his mind for any chance to escape but he couldn't focus on anything else but the mysterious woman he saw only two minutes ago. He saw Monique's expectant face and realized that he had been holding the liquor in his mouth for more time than it was necessary. He swallowed and cleared his throat, just about to lie something big to get himself out of this situation when somebody saved him.

"Oh Rick, please tell me that's not your second drink already!" a woman spoke from directly behind him and he didn't recognize her voice even though she spoke to him like they had been old friends.

A hand rested on his shoulder and he turned in his seat to look at the speaker. His eyes found her and immediately went wide with shock.

It was _her. _The mystery woman herself, standing beside him, her delicate hand on his shoulder squeezed lightly as if to say 'just go with it'! Not that he even considered not going with it… Instead he gulped and tried not to pay attention to her closeness.

"What? No, absolutely not!" he shook his head playfully, his lie obvious.

"Come on! I'm only about ten minutes late…" she chided him with affection shining from her eyes and for a moment Castle was lost in them. They looked even more breathtaking now that she was standing right next to him. Greenish brown with lovely gold freckles.

"I'm sorry, but Monique here is my witness. I've only ordered it a second ago!" he told her with a shrug then turned his head back to the shocked woman on his other side.

Monique stared at the mystery woman with confusion and mild jealousy in her eyes, but Castle couldn't care less. _She _had her hand on his shoulder, _she _was standing so close to him he could smell her toe curlingly delicious scent and suddenly Monique's presence was rather negligible.

"All right… I guess I will pretend you ordered the second for me then!" the woman smiled sweetly at him and reached past him to get the glass. His breathing stopped entirely as he saw her smile and the fact that her arm was grazing his chest as she grabbed the drink wasn't helping either…

"I…uh… I'm just… I think I'll just head back to… to the others!" Monique stuttered and motioned for the table where she had been seated before.

"Of course, it was nice seeing you Monique!" Castle grinned at her charmingly but didn't even wait for her to turn and walk away, he spun on his barstool to face the mystery woman instantly. He didn't want to waste any time while she was this close to him. She was absolutely gorgeous, her every move so effortless and feather light. The way her hair framed her face made him want to reach out and twirl the loose strands around one of his fingers. Her lips were full and inviting and when she flashed her enticing smile the whole room lit up. She was radiant and he felt the need to know more about her!

"I truly don't know how to thank you for saving my life!" he finally said with a soft smile.

* * *

Kate felt a pang of guilt at his words. He shouldn't thank her. The only reason she came to his rescue was because she needed to separate him from other people to get her job done. It was a professional act, nothing more.

It certainly had nothing to do with the fact that she might have been a bit jealous when that woman came to him and he greeted her with that beam of his. _Nothing at all!_

Her heart was racing from the moment their eyes met above the dance floor and she was trying to calm down but it was difficult when she was standing this close to him. His clear, blue eyes were boring into hers, making her feel he was seeing into her soul.

She felt insecure again. She wanted to take a step back, but she knew it wasn't allowable in the operation she was doing. She had to get close to him, as near as possible without really letting him close to herself. But why was it so hard? She wanted to feel protected by her walls, but he seemed to crack them with a simple look at her.

His stare made her feel powerful and weak at the same time. It made her skin tingle and her stomach lift up into her chest.

She had to get this done soon! Before she lost all control…

"You're welcome!" she told him, making an effort to smile back without letting him know what his grin did to her.

"Do you think… maybe… Uhm, may I have this dance?" he asked and it made Kate content and frankly a bit giddy to see his blush. She thought it over quickly and decided that it would even be good for her, it would fit into her plans. It was totally _not _because she wanted to dance with him. It was _not _the desire to feel his solid body, his strong arms around herself. _It was not!_

"Yes. I'm Lola!" she nodded and struck her hand out for him to shake, introducing herself with one of the names she sometimes used. Lying easily because that was something she was used to doing. But for the first time in years, it made her feel sick to look someone in the eye and lie.

**And this was it! What do you think? Was it good? Or bad?  
Please tell me your opinions, I'm dying to know your thoughts of this chapter! I really hope you liked it though…:)  
Thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope you know it means absolutely the world to me!  
About Recoil… Wow, it was quite a fine episode, wasn't it? And I've been thinking, and decided that Johanna would be so proud of Kate… What do you think?  
Next chapter, as usual, in about a week!  
Until then, xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi guys! First of all, thank you so much! I mean, seriously the feedback on last chapter made me so happy! I'm grateful to have all of you, thanks also to those of you who left a review as a guest and all of you who put the story or me on alerts! It means a lot!  
This chapter is quite eventful, and may I add… rather T rated in my opinion! I just realized it's all in Kate's POV! I guess there will be more of Castle's thoughts in next chapter then. Also, I didn't plan on this to be so long, or rather I planned many other things to happen in this chapter as well, but things kind of got out of hand at some point... I really hope you will like it, though! :)  
Sorry for the possible mistakes!**

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Castle…_

_Chapter 7_

"It's so nice to meet you! I'm Rick, but I suppose you already know that!" he grinned at her and Kate chuckled. It was a bit forced but judging by the way his eyes gleamed he didn't notice it.

"I'm pretty sure that everybody knows who you are Mr. Castle!" she batted her eyelashes at him as he led her to the dance floor with a gentle hand her lower back. His touch gave her chills.

"Well, I'm flattered... But honestly sometimes I wish they didn't." Castle admitted and slowly spun her into his arms. His body was strong and steady against hers for a moment before he started to move to the beat of the slow music.

"I'm sure you love it..." she said knowingly, putting her chin on his shoulder.

"Of course I like the freedom of it, but it gets tiring as hell to have your picture in every tabloid. To have expectations as how to live your life..." he told her and Kate pulled back her head with interest in her eyes. He wasn't a smug, arrogant ass. He wasn't blinded by the spotlight and the glamour, he saw beyond it all and accepted it as a necessary chagrin to his lifestyle.

She was amazed at first then soon became agitated that her every reason against him was falling. It was getting more and more difficult to stay distant from his charm, she was grasping at straws but so far every one of them proved to be wrong.

Castle's hand was warm at her waist and Kate did everything in her power to stick to her plan but he was quite distracting.

"So what about you...? What does a pretty lady like you do here?" he murmured into her ear and she smirked as she thought about her answer.

"It's work related." she said and it wasn't even a lie.

The music changed to a slower, more dreamy melody and she decided it was time to make her move. If she didn't act soon, he would make her change her mind. And she couldn't afford to listen to her emotions...

She took a tiny step closer to him, nestling to his chest tightly. His arms closed around her and she wound her arms around his neck, their bodies pressing together.

Her heart was beating so fast Kate was afraid he could feel it where their chests met.

She played with the strands of hairs at the base of his skull and heard his sharp intake of breath, smiling satisfiedly into his neck. No matter how much of an effect he had on her, he was just a man and she had a bigger one on him. She felt her quickly weakening power return and her heart calm down. It was work, just as other cases. She could do it because he was no different!

She started her slow torture, pressing her hips more into his, taking delight in the sound of his gasp, the squeeze of his fingers on her back. She let her breath slide across the skin of his neck, knowing how it must feel for him. She worked hard to shut out the sensations his body created in hers, focusing fully on the operation she was trying to accomplish.

Her fingers moved to tangle softly in his hair, stroking his head as she moved her body against him just a little bit more intensely, sensually than it was needed.

"Lola..." his hoarse voice sounded right beside her ear and she shivered unintentionally. His tone was a bit hesitant but no less lustful.

Kate feared for a moment that he would reject her seduction, that he would take a step back because now she really didn't know what to think of him. He was unpredictable, a quality which she usually found challenging in men but rather disturbing in targets.

"Yeah...?" she murmured back in the most sultry voice she could muster up, her lips barely touching his ear as she spoke, causing delicious sparkles between them.

Her heart started to beat faster again as she worried her bottom lip between her teeth. What if he told her no? What if he found her too pushy for his liking?

She stopped these thoughts, realizing that they sounded way too personal for it to be just a concern about her work. She wasn't trying to impress him, she was trying to seduce him. As a part of her mission. Lethal seduction.

Kate almost chuckled at this but managed to keep it together. Her heart sank though, when he did in fact loosen his grip around her waist and take a small step back. His eyes were questioning as he searched for hers and she held his stare, raising an eyebrow just like when their eyes connected for the first time less than an hour ago.

His blue eyes were a darker shade than before, shimmering with desire and Kate decided that she wouldn't let him ruin her plan. It just couldn't backfire at her again… She would be the boss, take the step and he wouldn't have any other choice.

"Come on!" she trailed her hand down his chest as she reached for his hand. She saw his pupils dilate even more and she bit her lips to keep from smirking.

"Where are we going?" he stammered when she started to pull him through the crowd towards a door at the back of the room. Kate had entered there, she knew where it would lead them. To a wonderfully empty and deserted corridor, just the perfect place for what she was planning…

"You'll see in a minute!" she told him over her shoulder, grasping his hand tightly so he truly didn't stand a chance at escaping.

The music turned faster and louder and Kate thought the timing couldn't have been more perfect. They were a few feet away from the door and she felt oddly calm and cool. She had him wrapped around her little finger and that made her feel unstoppable and energetic.

They reached the door and she pushed at the handle, opening the exit and dragging Castle in behind her before closing the door properly, resisting the urge to only kick it shut with her heel. That would possibly attract attention, this was much more quiet and unnoticeable. Just what she was going for.

"What are we doing here, Lola?" Castle's voice sounded in the semi darkness and she let out a chuckle. If only he knew…

"What do you think?" she murmured as she stepped into him, backing him up against the opposite wall. The corridor was rather narrow and long with only one other entrance to it which wasn't visible from where they were. The one she used to get in from the street. It must have been closed as well because there was no light coming from that part of the corridor. They were alone. He was at her mercy and she wouldn't spare his life. She couldn't…

"Well…" he started and their eyes met in the darkness. His stare was heated and a bit unsure. She didn't give him time to think anymore. She put her hands on his chest and pushed him, his back and probably his head too, hitting the wall. "Woah!" he gasped and she smirked. He still thought it was something else, didn't he? Yeah, poor Castle, she couldn't really blame him for being so clueless, so naive. She was kind of grateful for it, he made her job so much easier with it. At least he made her job easier with this one thing, because everything he did seemed to make it more difficult.

However, when she felt his warm hands on her waist, pulling her roughly to himself she startled. He leaned on the wall and his arms circled around her middle, his face already so close that she could feel his hot breath on her cheeks. Her thoughts slipped away from her, his actions clouding her mind in a swirling, dark haze of lust and heat and want. Without her permission her hands slid up until her fingers were tangled in his hair and she felt one of Castle's hand run up her side to cup her face.

"My God, you're so beautiful!" he whispered and she felt shiver run up and down her spine. How could he say something like that with such feeling? How could she let him do this to her when she was supposed to kill him? She had to take a step back, she had to act now when the perfect opportunity was right in front of her. He was vulnerable and clueless, she had the power. It would be only one swift movement and he would be gone. The job done. Mission accomplished. That was how she worked. She would feel terrible and damned afterwards, mostly after killing _him._ Because he had gotten too freaking close to her, almost broke her walls of protection. But she had to do it. And she had to do it now, while they were completely alone. Nobody knew he was with her. Nobody but that stupid bimbo out there. Hopefully when they find Castle's body, that woman won't remember her. And after all, even if she did remember seeing a woman with Castle, she didn't know Kate's name and Kate was careful not to be seen by any cameras. They would never find out who she was.

Because that was her job. She knew what she was getting into when she started it, and she signed up for it. With all of its downsides and inconveniences. Like in a marriage. _For better, for worse._ This was definitely the worse part…

But she would be strong. She would make her stand. Because she had to think rationally and see through all of this mess.

Kate tensed her muscles to take a step back from Castle, when she felt the oh so gentle stroke of his finger against her cheek. He must have not noticed her inner battle and her attempt to move away because he pulled her face closer to his. And just then, she made the mistake of looking into his eyes. The fire dancing in them made her tingle all over, the flames spreading from his eyes to hers, making her blood boil. The dark blue of his irises carrying an irresistible heat that drew her in, his stare seductive and inviting. And with that one mesmerizing look something snapped inside of her.

_Damn it!,_ she thought and lunged forward, crashing her lips onto his.  
Their mouths melted together, tongues battling for dominance, sliding against each other. Kate involuntarily let out a low moan of pleasure as he explored her mouth, his arm tightening around her, bringing her flush against his body. She lightly nibbled his bottom lip and a growl echoed through his chest, making Kate hot and hungry. She grabbed his hair and tilted his head so she had better access to his mouth.

They were feverish and passionate and with a swift movementCastle spun them around so he was pressing Kate into the wall.

"Oh God!" she gasped as his lips found the soft skin of her neck, his tongue darting out to taste her pulse point. The man certainly knew what to do!

Her legs were trembling and her arm around his neck was the only thing that kept her in a standing position. Her head rolled back, a sigh leaving her throat as his mouth traveled down towards her cleavage.

His body was strong and hard, pinning her to the concrete at her back and her head was spinning from desire.

When his head came back up for another kiss she leaned forward and attacked his jaw with her lips. A surprised husky growl escaped him and she felt him crowding her even more.

His hands started to wander over her body, going lower and lower. He palmed her ass, stroking it gently and his fingers moved to tug the edge of her dress up.

That was what snapped her out of the thick fog of need. Her mind cleared out in a matter of seconds and even though her blood pressure was still high in the sky, the sound thumping in her ear she became aware of the cool corridor and the gun under her dress to which Castle's hands were way too close at that moment. Her lips didn't stop their ministration but her brain was back on its earlier track again. She cursed herself for getting distracted again, for practically throwing herself at him.

With a quick move, matching the one he did a couple of minutes before, she shoved him up against the wall again and heard his yelp as she grabbed his hands and pulled them away from her dress. She could literally feel his gaze on herself but she ignored the goose bumps it caused. She reached down with a practiced move and grabbed the handle of the small gun.

She pulled it out and felt Castle's hands fall to his sides in shock as she pressed it into his middle.

"What are...? You...? We..?" he stuttered, his voice still rough and hoarse. Kate tried not to think about how sexy that sounded.

"I'm sorry Castle!" she murmured truthfully, avoiding his eyes. She absolutely couldn't look him in the eye and pull that trigger.

She could feel the way he tensed up, could almost hear as the wheels in his brain were turning, putting it all together. She knew it wouldn't take him too long to figure it out. He was a mystery novelist after all...

"You...?" he gaped and she heard him swallow. She still refused to look up at him, staring at his heaving chest while she released the safety lock on the gun. "Please... Why are you doing this?" he asked, his voice so broken that Kate felt her heart skip a beat.

"It's my job." she told him dryly and could almost see as his eyes widened.

"You...?" he repeated himself and she let out a chuckle.

"Yeah, you wouldn't have thought, right?" she asked, but knew that it was a bad idea to keep on talking to him. She should just get over with it. It would be less painful for both of them. Also, the time was flying and she couldn't know for sure how long that corridor would be empty.

Her fingers found the trigger and hovered there, turning the barrel so that her shot would be sharp. A quick and deadly bullet.

She swallowed, still tasting him on her lips, her heart racing in her chest. Her mind was blank on the surface but underneath the silence her thoughts were flying. Doubts and regrets running through her head but she ignored them, focusing on the task at hand.

She urged herself to pull that trigger. End this frustrating game. She kept telling herself that he was just a target, that it was just a case. But deep inside, she knew it wasn't. She knew she couldn't fool herself. Not for long at least… He stopped being just a target the moment she set eyes on his book. The moment she was so incredibly stupid and almost read an entire novel of his in one sitting. And he stopped being just like any other man the second their eyes met for the first time. The moment he touched her. She was lost the instant his lips connected to hers in a dangerously delicious kiss.

She could deny all she wanted, she could pretend it meant nothing. She could lie until the end of time and claim that she had the power, because she did. But he had just as much of a power over her heart…

It was a mess. A beautiful, tangled mess.

Kate knew she had no choice. She got herself into this mess and she had to end it. She had to kill him because even if she chose to let him go, nothing would stay the same as before. Her employee would hire another assassin who wouldn't be so stupid to let him too close to them. They would kill him anyways. So she might as well just pull that trigger and save him some suffering. What would it help if she let him go? She could hide and wait until it settled. He wouldn't ever tell anybody, she could see it in his eyes. He would keep her secret, but her reputation would be damaged. Possibly beyond repair.

Her reputation was the only important thing for her since her mother died. She made it her own, personal mission to be the best, for Johanna. Because she promised her mother that she would make it to the top. That she wouldn't ever give up! It didn't matter that at the time, she was talking about law.

She couldn't afford to throw it all away, all the work and suffering she was already through just because of a man.

She had to choose her priority and she knew it was her job. Nothing guaranteed that what she felt with Castle could lead to any good. Anything real. But her work, it was stable. It was there, and she was good at it. There wasn't really a question…

It had always been about this ever since her mom died. Emotions or work? And she always chose work. That was the price she paid for being the best. And she never had any regrets about it until now. But she rationally knew that she had to stuck to the well tried choice. Work.

She took a deep breath and calmed down her crazy thoughts just as she heard a tiny noise from the end of the corridor.

_Crap!_, she thought as her head snapped in the direction of the other entrance and she saw the narrow ray of light appearing.

"I'm really sorry!" she heard Castle's murmur but before she could fully turn back to him to question his weird apology, mostly in his situation with her gun between his ribs, she felt his hands come up and push her away from him forcefully. She stumbled back, his actions catching her by surprise exactly in that once second she fell out of her concentration. She felt the opposite wall at her back and heard the footsteps of Castle, running away from her. The sound of two people talking approached in the corridor, and just then she knew her chance was over. She couldn't shoot after him, even though she knew she would probably hit him, she couldn't get away soon enough.

Anger flared up freshly in her as she pushed herself away from the wall and standing in the middle of the corridor with gun in her hand glared after him. He wouldn't get away from her!

**And this was it… What do you think? I truly can't wait to hear your opinion about it so please please leave me a review! I would love to read your thoughts about it! :)  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Hope you liked the chapter…  
Next chapter, hopefully in a week! I'll do my best, but I have literature and grammar exams this week and I'm not sure how much time I will have. But… I will try to write as much as possible! :)  
Until then, xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi guys! Thank you so much for all the feedback on last chapter! I can't say enough how much it means to me… Seriously, all the reviews and alerts… they make me all giddy and cheerful! :)  
This chapter is a tricky one. I truly believed I wouldn't be able to get it done today, but I managed and I'm really glad. I hope you guys will like it! It's entirely in Castle's POV and it's mostly about his thoughts while he's on the run… Anyways, I don't need to write that down here, you can just read it! ;)  
Please enjoy!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own this fantastic show, but no complaints here… Even thought I would be the happiest person on Earth if I did, they do a pretty good job as well…_

_Chapter 8_

Taking advantage of the slight distraction the unexpected noise caused the woman, Castle pushed her away from himself and made a run for the door through which they escaped from the party. He was running high on adrenaline from the moment he put his arms around her on the dance floor, his heartbeat fastening by the moment and when he felt the gun pressed into his body the so called 'fight or fly' reflex seemed to take over his mind.

His thoughts were racing, looking for a way out, searching for explanation. Why would anybody want to kill him? Why would anybody hire a professional murderer to do it?

He couldn't come up with an answer but he knew he didn't have time to ponder about it. Although, he had no idea who she was, he could tell from one look in her eyes that she wouldn't give up. Her gorgeous eyes were fierce, confident and determined. Flaming with passion. She was a real fighter and she wouldn't stop until she caught him. So he had to be faster and smarter.

But first of all, he had to leave this party without anybody noticing that something was horribly wrong. He knew she wouldn't pull her gun out in the middle of a crowd that was why she lured him into that corridor, so he slowed his pace when he entered the room. Driven by a sudden idea he pulled out his phone and started a fake conversation.

"What? Alexis sweetie, calm down!" he said, pushing past people in his way to the main exit. "Yeah, I'll be right there!" he said hoping that this would explain his hasty leaving. He had no time to say a proper goodbye to the host and he knew if word got to Gina she will kill him with her bare hands for it, but at the moment he had a real assassin after himself, ready to kill him without a second thought.

Castle didn't look back to see if she followed him until he got to the door. There he paused for a second to glance back at the room, his eyes roaming over the crowd. He spotted her immediately, Lola-or whatever her real name was- was standing just beside the door that led to the corridor, an annoyed look on her face making it obvious that she didn't appreciate his escape.

Too bad he would be nowhere near by the time she made her way through the people!

Castle continued, his strides long, trying to put as much distance between himself and that dangerous woman as possible. There was something about her that made him think of her over and over again, something interesting, something that made her face appear in his mind even though he tried to get rid of it. He kept pushing it to the back of his mind, deciding to wonder about it later.

He finally got out of the building and was momentarily blinded by the flash of cameras that welcomed him. He tried to put on his best grin as he rushed down the street.

He had to get away, far and fast. His mind ran through options as he was jogging down streets, descending the first stairs to the underground he can find. Harsh lights hurt his eyes but he didn't care, his head turning around looking for the best destination to hide. The best shelter…  
What would he do if it was one of his books, if he was Derrick Storm or Christopher Wind? He would get rid of his phone, and his credit card. He would leave the country, or at least the state. He would hide until it settled down. Whatever it was. But neither of his characters had to count with a daughter and a mother who would be worried for him. He couldn't just fly when it was more than obvious that Alexis was the apple of his eye. If anybody really wanted to hurt him, they would hurt Alexis. He had to protect her, he had to get this woman as far away from her as he could. Even if that meant he had be put himself in harm's way.

He dodged through the passengers, muttering apologies, glancing behind himself every once in a while fearing that she would be right behind him. He was hesitating between the lane to Bronx and Brooklyn when he noticed her reflection in the glass of a newspaper stand. She let her light brown curls down and now they were framing her beautiful face elegantly. Her eyes were determined and mortal as she stood on the third step of the stairs. She must have had a change of clothes with her because she was wearing dark jeans under her jacket. Castle had a hard time imagining how she could have changed so fast but he diverted his thoughts from the attire she was wearing on the party. It was too distracting…

"Shit!" he murmured in an inaudible voice and hid behind the booth. He guessed from the way she kept looking around in the crowd she hadn't noticed him yet, but it was only a matter of seconds. He had to get on a metro and disappear. The platform of the underground going to the Bronx was closer to him and taking one last look at her form he threw himself into the crowd, hoping to get on the metro unnoticed if he mingled with the people.

Castle got on the underground just as the doors started to close. He let out a sigh of relief and smiled amicably at the old lady who sat in front of him. His smile however, froze on his lips as he noticed the assassin get in the same car only on the other door. She had her green eyes on him, piercing him with a fiery stare. She didn't make any move to get closer to him, but as Castle ran his eyes over her, he saw that her hands were in her pocket, causing a slightly bigger bulge than it was usual. _The gun,_ he thought with dread seeping into his thoughts.

He knew he couldn't run heedlessly away as soon as the metro stopped at the next station but it was incredibly hard to stay put. He had to figure out where to go and how to shake her off. He had to calm his crazily racing thoughts to be able to make rational choices.

But he couldn't get rid of the image of Alexis crying when she got the call from the police that he was dead. The image of his daughter being the next target. He had to keep her safe!

_Don't be hysterical, Rick!, _he chided himself and tried to stop the nervous drumming of his feet. He fisted and unclenched his hands at his sides several times before looking out at the next stop. People rushing by, following their daily routine, not having a clue that someone barely 10 yards from them was a target of a murderer. That somebody was a professional assassin.

_Yeah, much better way of thinking!,_ he thought and shut his eyes to stop his flying mind. He had to focus. He was a crime novelist, he was good at making up stories that included chases and killers and escaping and he knew how to turn things over so that his main character could get his way.

He looked over at the woman again, their eyes meeting briefly over the other passengers. Her stare was rough and there was a flaming anger in it but he saw a hint of doubt or sorrow deep down them that he couldn't quite explain.

Just then the doors started to slide closed and Castle got an idea. He ignored the burning urge to look back at the assassin one more time and waited, his eyes fixed on the floor, only regarding the door from the corner of his them. He waited, knowing that if he missed the perfect opportunity he would soon be dead. The risk was high but he had no other choice. His blood was running through his veins madly and his hands started to sweat when he pushed himself away from the opposite door of the metro car and strode towards the closing ones, praying to God or whatever higher power there was for his plan to work out. Time seemed to slow down for that one terrible moment when he approached the door, his eyes firmly on the gap between the two doors, trying to guess if he would make it or bump into the closed doors.

Then suddenly he was there and he turned his body to be able to jump out. In the next second he heard the doors shut closed. Castle felt relief overflood him and fought the impulse to do a happy dance. He turned back just in time to see the metro leave the station and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the mystery woman in the window, her beautiful face cold, emotionless but her eyes furious.

He watched as she disappeared from sight, hoping that he never saw her again and wishing that she would appear on the next corner with a sassy smirk on her lips, telling him that it was all a tasteless joke. That he could have the chance to meet her and get to know more about her because even though he only met her, there was something in her eyes that suggested a story. And being the writer he was, Castle could never resist a good story. Mostly not if it belonged to such an extraordinary creature as this woman.

But his instincts told him that it was far from over. He quickly made his way to the stairs and as he climbed he pulled out his phone.

He dialed a number, hoping that the owner would pick up and could help him.

It rang as Castle reached street level and he looked around trying to figure out where he was. He didn't watch the signs when he hopped off the metro and now he had to realize he wasn't in the best neighborhood imaginable.

"Great" he muttered and paused at the top of the stairs. The ringing stopped when the person on the other end of the line picked up.

"Hallo?" Castle heard the cautious but firm voice he used to know so well.

"Esposito!" he cheered into the phone, trying to sound more excited than fearful.

"Castle? Is that you?" the man asked, his tone unbelieving.

"Yes, bro! How are you?" he asked, hoping to lighten the topic he was about to bring up.

"Good, I haven't heard from you in ages! What's up with you?" Esposito chuckled and Rick felt a pang of regret in his chest. He used to come to the 12th precinct to meet up with Esposito and his partner Ryan sometimes, it was a sort of research he did. But after a while his visits became more and more rare and recently he hadn't even talked with the guys, who he was proud to call his friends, on the phone. If he survived this mess, he would make that right!

"Fine...Well, no it's actually not quite all right!" he admitted. A guy in a black sweater sitting across the pavement on a step shot him a rather aggressive look so he decided he would walk a little not to be suspicious.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Esposito questioned, his voice all of a sudden alarmed and concerned and Castle felt even worse for neglecting his friends.

"I...uh, I have a little situation and…uh, I sort of need to ask you a favor." he stuttered, a bit afraid to tell Esposito the mess he got into and a bit embarrassed to ask anything of him.

"What situation?" his friend asked back, switching into cop mode immediately. Castle could almost see in his mind's eye as the detective stopped whatever he was doing and readied a pen and his notebook to scribble down the main infos about Castle's upcoming statement.

"I... That's a bit difficult and I don't really have time to explain. But I promise I will tell you Espo, as soon as this is over! Right now, I need you to send someone to watch my building, to ensure Alexis's safety... I need to know she's safe and I know I can trust you with that!" he said and as his own words registered in his mind he realized the seriousness of the situation. Alexis was in danger, his little girl's life was in danger. And all he could do about it was to stay away from her. He felt like the world had just turned upside down around him and he was stuck in a dark place where he had run, run away to keep his loved ones safe.

"Castle, what's going on?" Esposito asked, his tone concerned.

"Please Espo, I can't talk right now..." Castle pleaded with the detective. He needed to hear that someone would watch out for his daughter. He didn't know where this would lead him, he didn't know what he was going to do, but he couldn't start it until he knew that whoever was behind it couldn't get to Alexis. He would fight for his last breath and if the people who wanted him dead did their research, they would know that his weak points were his redheads. His mother and Alexis. So he had to make sure that they were all right, no matter what happened to him. The urgency in his voice must have got to the cop because he gave up the questioning and agreed.

"Yeah don't worry, man! I'll send the best guy to keep an eye on her. If I have some time, I will go there myself." Esposito assured him and Castle felt some of his anxiety subside. At least his family would be safe. "And Castle? Take care, all right?" he added and Rick felt warm gratitude spread in him.

"Thank you Javier! And I will, don't worry about me!" he said.

"Okay, and if you need help you know how to reach me!" Esposito said before they hung up.

Castle put the phone back into his pocket and walked along the narrow street, looking for a street sign. He was somewhere between Manhattan and the Bronx, that much he knew. After a couple of blocks he turned left and found himself in a sort of open-air market. All kinds of vendors yelled above his head, urging the people to buy vegetables, materials, jewelry or sweets. It was loud, crowded and overwhelming.

He paused, looking around, his head instantly dizzy from the colorful craziness that surrounded him. He tried to find a way out, but collided with people and only found more booths with more merchandise.

He slid between two tables, full of bakeries when he caught sight of a lock of golden brown hair. His heart sank as he searched the crowd for the person it belonged to. It was _her._ He didn't know how she did it, but she was there, turning in a circle, visibly looking for someone. Him.

He panicked, hiding behind a booth that sold curtains. How could she get there so fast? Where was he anyways?

She would find him soon, and he couldn't wait for her there. He had to stay on the move, maybe then it would be harder for her to catch him. At least he had to try that…

Castle headed towards where he suspected the end of the street, dodging people, jumping out of the way of running children and hiding every time he saw her in the crowd. He breathed out in relief when he finally managed to leave the market and could move faster. He walked down a main road and glancing at a passing car's window he checked out the pavement behind him. That's when he saw that she was following him.

"Shit!" he muttered and quickened his steps. He turned right, hoping to find a bus stop or an underground station but he had no such luck. Instead he found himself in an alley with tall, windowless walls on both sides. It felt like the street was shrinking and the walls were moving towards him as he rushed along, hurrying towards the first chance to turn out of the alley. His breathing was ragged and he felt sweat form on his forehead, but he didn't slow down, only kept going. He peeked over his shoulder and his lungs closed up when he saw the shadow that was approaching the alley. She was after him. The narrow street was completely abandoned, nobody would see or hear if she pulled her gun out and shot him. One bulled, straight to his chest. Or is she wanted to torture him, she would shoot one in his leg, then into his stomach… He knew how to cause high amount of pain to a person, he did his research. And Castle was sure this woman knew how to do it as well.

His mouth way dry and he had a hard time swallowing around the lump in his throat when he noticed a door on his right. It was an overly run-down building which he would have never even considered to enter, but he had no other choice. He had to disappear from that alley before she rounded the corner and saw him there. He pushed at the door, praying that it wouldn't be locked because then he was stuck. He had nowhere to hide in that alley, and he certainly couldn't reach the next street so quickly. This door was his only chance.

He held his breath as his hands flattened against the metal, the painting rolling off the door in tiny bits around his pam. He put some more pressure on it, looking above his shoulder with horror in his thoughts.

Finally the door gave way and he almost exclaimed in joy. He opened it just so he could slip inside then he turned towards the place he entered. It seemed like a deserted warehouse, a spacious and shadowy room. Dust ascended from the ground and made it hard to see the whole place. He listened for a few seconds but didn't hear anything. It was blissfully empty.

He started to walk slowly, cautiously further, avoiding the objects that looked like huge wooden boxes and pallets on his way.

He got to the middle of the place, turning around to see if there was any other exit. Maybe there was a door leading to a main road that he could use to escape. Though it was too pretty to even believe in it… There were some long but narrow windows near the roof from where very little sunlight filtered in, they were the only source of light in the whole building though. Strong, broad beams supported the roof but Castle couldn't see a ladder which he could have used to get up there.

To his left there were rows of the pallets with containers on them. Tanks lined up next to a wall were also there. He could make out the silhouette of a lift truck.

There was no other way out. But maybe, maybe if he waited long enough she would just pass the door. Thinking that it was closed anyway, thinking that he didn't even notice it in his wild frenzy of escape. So if only he could just be patient, stay there, this forlorn building would give him shelter…

Just as these thoughts crossed his head he heard a soft creak and he knew he was lost. The creak of the door. The same door he opened just a couple of minutes before. She had found it too and of course she didn't pass by it. She knew exactly that he would have tried to enter because it was his only chance. His eyes were fixed on the spot where he suspected she would appear as soon as she came close enough that the dust allowed him to see her. She was quiet, if he didn't hear the squeak of the door he would have thought he was alone. But now that he knew that she was there, he could feel her presence. A cold pressure that weighted on his chest, making his blood race in his veins.

She didn't notice him instantly and he had the chance to study her before she realized where he was. She was moving gracefully, like a cat and he was unintentionally in awe by her. She was amazing, deadly but amazing. She knew he was in there, there was no doubt in the way she moved around. She was taking step after step with the confidence of knowing what you will find. She knew he would go into that alley, find the door and get inside. And that was when it occurred to him that she knew it all along. She had practically guided him into that street, shepherded him. And now he was cornered…

It would have been useless to run or try to hide now, and Castle knew it. He had to face his fate and hope that with his death this whole thing would be over. That at least Alexis and his mother would be safe if he died now.

He knew the second she caught sight of him, standing frozen in the middle of the room, staring at her wordlessly. She paused and raised her hand with the gun pointed at him. He met her eyes and took one last long look into them and was strangely relieved when she held his stare. He wanted to have it in his mind when he died. This connection gave him some sort of morbid calmness because he could see the same emotion swirling deep inside her eyes as before. It assured him that she was human that she had feelings. And it brought her closer to him. Looking into her eyes it was easy to imagine that it all would be fine. It almost convinced him that dying from her hand was quite a good thing comparing to what happened to many people. Not everybody could be killed by an angel after all.

Castle almost snorted at his own sentiment. He always fell for the worst of women. An assassin who was trying to kill him, yeah she wasn't really the best choice but he couldn't say he was surprised. She had that mystery and secret side in her that always drew him in. But he couldn't deny it any longer, from the moment her lips connected to his he was a goner.

His mouth opened on its own and what came out surprised both of them. He could see it in her eyes that it shocked her to the core, she wasn't expecting it and it made her step waver just for a moment. She was indeed human.

"Please don't make a mess. My daughter wouldn't survive it…" he murmured hoarsely.

But after that he just gazed into her eyes, seeing the walls she built up but also that there was someone behind those walls and he felt the longing to know that person. She was driven, passionate and confident. She was smart and witty and sexy and playful. She was beautiful. He hoped that one day she would be able to open up, let her walls down and be herself. He hoped that someday she would quit being an assassin and find peace for herself.

Then he closed his eyes, cutting the connection off, waiting for her to pull that trigger and end his life.

**And, this was it! What do you think? I absolutely can't wait to hear your thoughts about it so please leave me a review! :) It would mean the world and your opinion is practically what fuels me… If it's negative then it's making me want to write better and if it's positive then it's encouraging me to write quicker…;)  
And yes, I made Espo and Ryan Castle's friends and not Kate's ... I don't actually know why I did it, but it seemed like an interesting idea...  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! You guys are awesome! I totally love this fandom! ;)  
Oh, and if anybody would like to discuss how INCREDIBLE Target was… I'm one hundred percent up for it! :)  
Next chapter, probably as usual in a week, hopefully sooner!  
Until then, xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi Guys! Thank you all for the feedback on last chapter, I'm always happy to read your opinion. I tried to answer everyone one by one, but there was one anonymus review and I would like to answer them as well here.  
So, dear Guest, I know there is another story with the same plot out there and I also know that it's brilliant (I've checked it out as well!) and the only reason for that is that we both used the same synopsis as inspiration. It was mentioned at the very beginning of this story… The fact that we both used the Alexis-thing is probably because we are writing about the same Richard Castle whose only treasure is his daughter. (See: Target and Hunt ;) ) That might be the source of the resemblances, and even though I try really hard to be original I can't do anything if other writers have the same ideas as me… I really wanted to use this part of the plot in my mind, so that is why I put it in there. I'm pretty sure that Castle would think of Alexis in a situation like this, so I only tried to be true to the character. I would like to thank you though for being so polite! It really means a lot that you weren't just rudely telling me that I suck.. Or something like that. So thanks, and also for your thoughts on the story! :)  
Now, as for everyone else… Here comes the chapter that I was sure wouldn't be done for today. But it is, so I'm really happy. It didn't really end up as I planned it, some parts proved to be longer than I expected and we get a lot of thoughts in this one as well, but I promise there will be dialogue and action in the next chapter! :)  
I really hope you will like it!  
Sorry for the long author's note…:)**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, but I'm pretty satisfied with the way they do it as well…:)_

_Chapter 9_

Castle waited for the shot, the pain to curse through his body, the bullet to tear his skin apart and make a hole in his heart. He waited but it never came.

He counted to ten but didn't hear anything. No shots were fired, no steps were taken. There was complete silence.

He took a brief breath and blinked his eyes open in fear and confusion.

She was there, standing just where she was when he closed his eyes. Her posture was defeated and desperate though. Her hand which gripped the gun fell to her side and Rick's eyes widened.

She stared at him for another moment then took a step backwards and started to turn away.

"Wait!" Castle managed to croak out and she froze, her head turning back to glare at him.

"What do you want?" she asked sharply and he heard in her voice that she thought he was a total idiot.

"Where… Why didn't you pull the trigger? Where are you going?" he asked, his head suddenly full with the worst possibilities. Maybe she wanted to torture him some more. Maybe she found out a more painful way to kill him. Maybe she realized that it would destroy him if anybody hurt Alexis, maybe she will try to get to her before killing him…

"Because I can't, damn it!" she burst out and he was taken aback. He saw her eyes, which were so neutral just a couple of moments before, turn into the colorful fire of emotions. Flames of regret, guilt, helplessness and an odd passion mingling in them. It was breathtaking. He held his breath as he waited for her to continue, watching as she fought with herself, her fingers tensing on the gun. "It's my job and I'm supposed to be the best, but I can't do it… I just… I can't." she shook her head and run her hand through her hair, her curls falling around her face freely.

"I uh…" he thought of something to say, but couldn't find the words. "Thank you!" he finally said and took a tentative step towards her. For some inexplicable reason he felt the urge to go to her and try to console her. She looked so broken, so upset. Her eyes snapped up to him in the moment he moved and he was rooted to the spot.

"Just, go…" she breathed out weakly and Castle felt his heartbeat sped up again. That couldn't be right… Was she really letting him go? Was that a trick?

"What are you going to do?" he asked, not daring to move an inch.

"I don't know…" she rubbed her face with her hand and closed her eyes. She seemed like a totally different person and he could only stare at her slack jawed. "Just….Go!" she shouted at him, her voice cracking, angry and devastated.

He waited for one more minute then decided not to push his luck and started for the door only slowing down his steps as he passed by her, looking at her thoughtfully before he continued his exit hurriedly, all the way afraid that she might change her mind and shoot him.

He made it to the door safely though, and he glanced over his shoulder at her, taking her in, thinking that this would probably be the last time he ever see her. He wanted to remember her perfectly…

She stood there, shoulders down, staring into the air in front of her. Light brown curls cascading down her back, the gun loose in her grasp. He couldn't see her face properly, but her whole posture was radiating mystery. Mystery, and at that moment utter misery...

Castle's heart broke into million pieces at her sight.

But he couldn't stay any more. He was given a chance and he was no fool to throw it away. He tore his eyes away from her form and pushed the door open.

As he stepped out, the fresh air hit his face and he breathed it in, grateful to still have a life. He had the unsettling feeling in his gut that it was nowhere to be over, but at least he had some advantage now. He looked around, then hurried off in the same direction where he came into the alley.

* * *

Kate stood with her eyes squeezed shut tightly. Her head was spinning from the thoughts and emotions overflowing her. She felt dizzy and breathless and she heard the loud thud as the gun hit the ground.

Her heart was beating fast but she felt empty. Worn out.

She still saw him in her mind's eye, his miserable expression as he tried to be brave. The proud tilt in his head with which he raised his chin, facing death. It was ridiculous and adorable at the same time and Kate couldn't force herself to pull the trigger.

And when he mentioned his daughter, it was like a blow in the gut. A real low blow. He couldn't know it of course, he couldn't have a clue that in that moment Kate saw her own mother in front of her. She saw Johanna, standing in an alley, facing her attacker bravely, thinking about Jim and their little daughter. Maybe asking the killer to be quick and not to make a mess.

Then Kate saw his little girl when she got the news that her father was dead. Her sweet, innocent face turning pale and contorting in pain. The endless streams of tears running down her pink cheeks. The end of a life she knew…

Beckett knew what it felt like, she knew exactly what thoughts would be running through the girl's head and she just couldn't be the person who causes that much suffering for her. She couldn't look Castle in the eye and end his life.

He wasn't just a target anymore. She now saw him as human. As a father. As a man.

She felt the stinging in her eyes and the tears that threatened to escape. She swallowed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

She had absolutely no idea what was she going to do now… She knew she couldn't stay there, that sooner or later she had to move, but she was barely able to stand upright not to mention take a step.

She kept seeing his resigned, horrified eyes, the complete acceptance of death in them and it scared her. It brought an irresistible need to protect him. To bring back the carefree, childish happiness that seemed to belong to his blue eyes.

Kate forced her eyes open to get rid of the image of Castle peering pathetically at her in fearful awe. She squatted down to get the gun and pushed it back into her waistband as she stood up. She had to stay distant and unconcerned because she couldn't bear the thought of failure. She couldn't allow herself to think of the consequences of letting him go…

Because no matter how much she hoped, it didn't just mean to give him some more time. It didn't mean that she wouldn't shoot him there. It meant that she couldn't do it at all. She wasn't able to kill Richard Castle and no matter how hard she tried she wouldn't be able to turn things over now.

She exited the building and then the alley on the same route as him, crossing the open air market and looking around, her eyes searching for any sign of him. But of course, he was nowhere to be seen and she knew it before the thought formed in her head. He wasn't stupid after all, he was probably miles away now.

She rushed down the street towards the underground station where earlier he got off, and took a metro home.

It didn't take her an hour to get to her building but she couldn't bring herself to go inside. The air started to chill around her and she enjoyed the way it seemed to clear her mind, rescue her from her thoughts. She sank down on the step leading to her building's front door and stared in front of her. She concentrated on breathing in and out, slowly and carefully, thinking through her situation rationally.

She had to make it right somehow. She had to come up with a new plan, a more secure plan. Or she would loose all that she had now. Her reputation, her work, she could throw them all out into the trash.

The sound of her phone startled her a few minutes later and her heart pound in her chest with full force as she glanced at the screen and saw that it was an unknown caller. It was _him_. The man who hired her to kill Castle. She knew she couldn't answer it, she couldn't tell him that she refused to kill Castle. He would just hire someone else to do it, someone who wouldn't be so much of an idiot to get this close to their target.

Kate glared at the phone angrily for a few moments until it stopped ringing and then she put it into her pocket and stood up from the step. She didn't have much time left if they were already calling her. Probably wondering why Castle wasn't dead yet when she got the assignment four days ago. Four long days when usually her closing rate was about two days or less.

Closing rate. It sounded so insensitive, so impersonal and that only dawned on her now. She never realized that she used it about the end of lives. The death of people. They all were just targets, just jobs and she never once thought about the fact that they were all individuals with their own lives. Of course, it was her way of dealing with things, with this job, but suddenly it seemed so not like her. So not like the Kate she used to be… The Katie of her mother and father. How come she never realized that she became this monster? Who was she?

She shuddered as these thoughts ran through her mind while she climbed the back stairs quickly, two or three steps at a time. It was a train of thoughts she often ignored, not willing to go down that path, knowing that there was no turning back from the darkness of it. The darkness of what she became. She had to deal with these changes somehow and long ago, she decided that her way of coping would be denial. It wasn't really a decision she made, it was rather a lifestyle that suited her. She never thought about it deeply enough so that it could hurt. She never allowed herself to get close enough to anybody or anything that it could hurt her. The old Kate, the weak Kate was still down there somewhere inside her, keeping her grounded and sane, reminding her of her mother and keeping the tiny sparkle of love alive in her, making her feel like a human when her job forced her to act as something else. But she put on a shell to protect that fragile side of her, never letting anybody see it and after a time she herself doubted that it was even there. She seemed to forget about old Kate in the midst of a thrilling cat and mouse chase. At those times she gave in to being the cold blooded assassin and put being herself aside. It proved to be just what she needed until now. Until Castle came into the picture.

Castle, the silly, immature writer who managed to find the crack in her solid walls of defense in the matter of hours. Who managed to get to her only with his smile, his affection towards others, with his written words. Because he reminded Kate too much of her old self. Of her mother.

She had been too self confident, too sure of her walls to protect her. She never even considered the chance that there might be someone who saw through them. Someone who got through them...

Kate entered her apartment breathlessly and made her way straight to the bathroom, stripping her clothes on the way. She felt the dirt of that day sticking to her skin and she needed to get rid of it. She needed the hot shower to ease the weight of the day from her shoulders.

The warm spray of water flowing down her body loosened her tense muscles and she sighed contently. The steam surrounded her, settled on the wall of the shower and made it impossible to see the rest of the room. Kate closed her eyes and imagined that it was get safe bubble and she could easily let go and let her walls down in there. It was cozy and refreshing and such a welcomed feeling to forget her troubles for a couple of moments. She didn't even realize she had been crying until she started to sniffle. She huffily wiped her cheeks and reached out to close the tap.

She stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself, wondering how strange it was that only a week ago her life had been completely normal. And over this small amount of time everything turned upside down and her world was slowly falling to pieces, colliding around her. She felt a weird pull towards Richard Castle, an attraction that couldn't be denied because it interfered with her job.

She knew she couldn't kill him and that she had to admit it. But she also knew what that would mean for him. Another assassin, one who would most probably be quicker and maybe more cruel. Her employer would undoubtedly be pissed off and not even risk making a mistake again.  
It was possible she could say goodbye to her job once and for all…

She shuffled out of her bathroom, feeling spent and void. Her mind seemed a bit clearer though, she didn't have so many thoughts swirling inside her head and it was like she made her decision.

She should have known from the moment she started to feel something for him that it wouldn't work out any other way. That it would be this or nothing, but she was too stubborn and pushed until it was too much. She pushed herself to the edge then some more, and fell… And she only realized her mistake when she was already falling, when she hit the ground hard.

She made her choice about him the moment she didn't pull the trigger when she was watching him from the rooftop. She couldn't do it back then, and she could make up excuses for days and days but she wouldn't be able to do it at all. And even though that meant a harm to her reputation, the only thing she had worked for since her mom died, the only important thing for her, the aim to be the best being her way of coping, she knew that her mother wouldn't want her do kill Castle either. Kate knew that her mom would tell her to appreciate and try to experience her emotions that were so rare. Johanna would have recognized it from the start as something huge and would have told her to cherish it and to be brave enough to accept it. But her mom wasn't there anymore and Kate had to find this out on her own. She knew there was no middle path, she couldn't keep living her life like this and get to know Castle as well. She didn't even know for sure if he was truly interested in her. But as the saying went, the die was cast and she couldn't do anything now to vary it.

She only had one choice left. She had to find a way to protect him.

Kate made her way to her bedroom and let the towel sink to the floor when she was in front of her closet. She put on some casual clothes, a comfortable sweater and a top with a pair of jeans leggings. She pulled her wet hair up into a messy ponytail and slowly went out to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee when she heard the vibrating of her cell phone again. She went to check it and gulped as she saw the unknown number again.

Her employer was getting impatient.

It was bad news, really bad news. She had been expecting it, she knew it would happen soon if she couldn't get the job done as usual but now that it was happening it made her feel the reality of the situation. Her hard gained calmness disappeared as she waited for the ringing to stop and when it did she noticed something even more disturbing. Her screen stayed alight and she saw the little information box saying she had 13 missed calls. One tap on the screen verified her suspicion that it was all from him. Her stomach clenched and she tried to keep her breathing even.

"Damn it!" she hissed into the silence of her apartment. Her hand was trembling so she quickly put the phone down. She covered her face with her palms and leaned on the table.

It was all still for a few minutes, she stood without moving, her thoughts running free and her heart beating fast in her chest while she sorted things out and made up her mind.

Then without thinking it through twice she grabbed her jacket, her gun and her phone then ran out of the door, not looking back.

* * *

Castle was still shaking. He got home about two hours ago and since then he was trembling unstoppably. He tried to hide it, tried to cover it up, tried to take his mind off things. But it always came back to him. He saw the narrow alley, the empty warehouse, the gun pointed at him. He saw her face, her cold eyes watching him, her fingers moving an inch on the trigger, ready to shoot.

He felt like this whole situation was going to explode around him at any second now. He knew he wasn't so lucky so survive it like that, he couldn't escape so when would it come back crashing on him?

He was terrified of the effect it would have on Alexis. He was constantly afraid of her well being, even if he knew that she was just upstairs in her room. He couldn't help but go up there multiple times just to check on her. He had to stop because he could already see the suspicion in her eyes when he stuck his head into her room and waking her from her light sleep for the fifth time.

He drank two coffees to be able to stay awake for the night, then realized what a mistake it was when it only made him all riled up. He read a newspaper then when it wasn't successful he tried watching Tv only to switch it off in the matter of ten minutes. He couldn't focus on any show and instead of making his mind blank it made him think harder.

Who wanted him dead? Why? Why her? Who was she?

Questions that had no answer crowded his mind and he felt like he wasn't able to keep up to them. Images that made his stomach twist invaded his brain and he couldn't turn the stream off.

He was sitting in front of his computer, trying to write it out for half an hour now but all he managed to write was an odd making out scene between his main character and a shady but entrancing woman which reminded him entirely of the events of the party. He knew it was unusable but he couldn't bring himself to delete it.

He pushed himself away from the desk and sighed, running his hand through his hair. He felt his shirt clung to him, sweaty and dirty. He was in desperate need of a shower so he stood up and went into his bathroom and closed he door, hoping that the hot water would help him relax a bit.

He took his time, enjoying the water on his skin, letting it wash away his fears for a couple of moments. He brushed his hair, his fingers running over his skull over and over again, the feeling of the cold minty shampoo calming his crazy thoughts. When he was ready about twenty minutes later he put on pajama pants and a T-shirt, his usual nightwear. Maybe following his usual, familiar routine would ease his mind. But of course it didn't.

When he opened the door of the bathroom vapor rushed out into the coolness of his bedroom. He was about to lay on his bed when he heard the impatient and rude knock on the front door. His blood ran cold and he felt his lungs close up. He heard it again and tearing himself out of his frozen state he rushed out into the hall, afraid that Alexis would wake up and come down to check out who it was. He didn't know who was at the door, but he had a guess and he didn't want to risk anything…

The knocking sounded for the third and very soon after a fourth time before he got to the door and then there was silence. He paused, eyeing the door, considering that maybe it was just some kid messing with him, thinking that it was really funny. He felt the weight lift from his chest as he reached out and pulled the door open, but his heart skipped a beat when the corridor was revealed to his eyes.

"What the…?"

**Now, this was it. What do you think? Did you like it? Or not? Please write me a review and tell me your opinion about it… It would totally mean the whole world to me to know what you think about this story! Your words are a huge inspiration! :)  
I think it's not too hard to guess who is at the door but I thought it would be nice to leave it there. The next parts of the story should be posted together and I didn't have any more time to write this chapter longer…  
Thank you for reading and reviewing! I truly hope you liked it! :)  
Next chapter will be up as soon as I can get it down, which hopefully will be sooner than usual because I just finished my other story so I will have more time for this one! :)  
Until then, xxx**

**PS.: Hunt… I mean, seriously? Awesome! I was on the edge of my seat… This two-parter was an amazing performance from both Nathan and Molly, and I especially loved Beckett in the interrogation. It was priceless! :) I don't know how I will manage to wait 3 weeks now, though… **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey Guys! Thank you all for the feedback on last chapter, I was grinning crazily when I read the reviews and saw all the alerts. Seriously, you make me so happy! :)  
I really really hope you will like this chapter because it was sort of hard to write for me, but your feedback made it easier! :)**

_Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own it…_

_Chapter 10_

He was looking at _her_ with a gun in her hand, pointed right at him. Her eyes wide open, her cheeks flushed. His only thought was that Alexis was upstairs sleeping and that the sound of a shot would definitely wake her up. He couldn't help the images of his daughter running down the stairs and finding him in a pool of his own blood at the front door out of his mind. He tried to shut the door quickly, desperate to make her disappear from his home but she was faster and she snapped her free hand on the wood, her palm flat against the surface, keeping it open.

Suddenly she let her gun down and Castle didn't really know where to put it. He couldn't understand the change in her eyes as she looked at him either. Her previously cold, angry eyes turned worried, shy and determined. But above all, her whole posture screamed complete uncertainity.

"What are you doing here?" he asked and eyed her suspiciously.

"Can I...uh, come in?" she asked back and as the question registered in his brain Rick's jaw hit the ground. He stared at the woman with wide eyes like she just grew four heads.

"You what?" he gripped the edge of the door more tightly in case she wanted to force her way inside. But she just sighed with weary eyes.

"Please...?" she said and he was taken aback to hear her soft voice, almost pleading.

"Is this some kind of a trick? Because I won't buy it..." he shook his head, his pulse high in the sky.

"Castle, if I wanted you dead, you'd be dead by now!" she told him he had to give it to her, she made sense.

Putting all his common sense aside he gave a resigned huff and stepped back to let her in. She walked inside, her shoulders tensing again and Castle wondered if he just made the biggest mistake of his life with letting a trained assassin who almost killed him today into his loft. But then he didn't have more time to think about it because she was already in the living room and he was still standing next to the open door, gaping at her. He shut the door and hurried after her, his eyes only leaving her form for one moment to glance at the stairs. Alexis was sleeping upstairs, but any noise could wake her and he sure as hell didn't want her down there.

The woman was waiting for him between the living room and the kitchen and for a momentCastle considered asking her if she wanted something to drink. After all that would be the polite thing to do...

Before he could open his mouth though she spoke up, her eyes searching the room and his study through the half open door.

"Are you.. Alone?" she asked, her voice slightly higher than it was normal.

"What?" he raised his eyebrow but when she didn't give an explanation he sighed. "My daughter is upstairs. Sleeping." he told her reluctantly. "Why?"

"I was just… I needed to make sure that you're okay so I came here… I was watching your loft, but I couldn't see any movement, and.. and I thought…" she stammered and Castle swore he could see a little pink on her cheeks. Did this tough, cold hearted assassin just blush?

"You were doing what?" he asked.

"I was watching… from the roof of the opposite building. And there is a car one block down, it had taken me a couple of minutes to figure out that it's an unmarked police car but the guy was watching your building too conspicuously. That's when I realized that he was here to protect you, not to kill you…"

"Kill me? I thought you were hired for that! How many people are after me?" he shrieked then lowered his voice instantly.

"It's just me. Or at least it was. Now I can't be sure..." she told him and saw the confusion in his blue eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"It's possible that my employer hired someone else to do the job as well." she said quietly and her words were like a slap to him.

"What? Why?" he questioned, his head dizzy. In a course of a day he had two or three killers after himself. How on Earth had this happened?

"I..." she started then averted her eyes, staring at the floor.

"What?" he urged and without thinking it over took a step towards her.

"I can't do it, that's why he might have hired someone else if he figured out. And it's quite probable that he did considering that I haven't answered his calls all day and you're still alive. I usually work faster than that..." she said matter of factly.

Castle shivered from the way she said it. So emotionless, so neutral. She killed people for a living but she talked about it like it was normal, like she was a hairdresser.

"And what are you doing here then? Getting the job done?" he asked bitterly, his voice stronger than he expected, sounding braver than he felt. Though if the answer was yes then it wouldn't matter anyways, would it?

"No!" she breathed and walked to stand directly in front of him. Her eyes were shy as she looked up at him and for the first time he noticed her clothing. She was wearing a simple sweater under her open jacket and she wore some kind of a leggings and sneakers. Without the heels she was a head shorter than him. Then he realized that he was wearing his pajamas and he felt a slight wave of warmness creep up his neck. He didn't have time to wonder about it though because what she next said made his brain stop and do a double take. "I came to protect you." her tone was full of doubts and self consciousness and Castle was sure he had never seen her so beautiful. His fingers itched to reach out and smooth the skin of her cheek.

"And how do you plan to do that?" he asked and backed away from her to resist touching her. He rounded the couch and took a few paces in the living room.

"I'm not sure yet…" she admitted as she followed him. "I think the only way is to remove the source of the threat." She said and reached out to trace the edge of a table lamp absently. Castle was dumbfounded to hear how diplomatic that sounded paired with the stoic tone she used.

"Remove the threat?" he asked, not quite sure what she meant by that.

"I have to kill the man who hired me…" she told him coolly and a chill ran down his spine. How could she say it like that? Like it was no big deal? He couldn't help but think how many lives had she taken? How many people died by her hands and she didn't even care? She didn't even doubt what she did… It was really just a job, just like any job. He felt sick even just thinking about it.

How could this woman, who was standing in his living room looking totally broken and out of place, murder people with cold blood? How could this gorgeous creature have a job of killing?

It made him confused beyond understanding and the fact that he was attracted to her in the worst possible way didn't help a bit either…

He saw that there was a story, the mystery in her eyes deep down, behind all the emotions shown in them made him curious. There was a reason for all of this and he longed to know it. He longed to understand her so that the feelings he had for her wouldn't scare him so much.

He had only known her for a day and ever since she tried to kill him. Why didn't he care about that when she looked into his eyes, begging for him to believe her? Why did he feel like he had to protect her when he was the one who needed protection? Why did he want to save her?

It wasn't just that she was stunning, that wouldn't get to him like that… There was something extraordinary in her, something he couldn't quite grasp.

"Why are you doing this?" he muttered and rubbed his face with his hands.

"This is my job. That's what I do…" she said and he caught the glimpse of sadness in her eyes.

"Your job was to kill me…" he reminded her and instantly felt stupid. Did his need to know her story really overpower his life instincts?

"Yeah, well… that I can not do!" she shook her head and soft laughter escaped her mouth. Castle watched as her lips curled up and her eyes sparkled with genuine amusement for a second before it got clouded again. "I know that they will be sending someone else soon to do it, if they haven't done it already. There is only one way I can protect you…"

"And why are you trying to protect me?" he asked the million dollar question and searched her eyes.

"I don't know." She murmured and crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't know, but I know that I can't do my job because of it." She said and it was only half a lie. She couldn't do her job, but she could take an educated guess why she wanted to save him. He was so innocent and so caring. He had family and he had a good heart. And if that wasn't enough he was hot as hell and his kiss kept haunting her. She never knew it before, but she needed him. She needed him to keep her grounded, she needed him to remind her of who she was before it all went wrong. So freaking wrong.

"Who hired you?" Castle's voice broke Kate out of her thoughts and she paused for a moment, focusing her eyes on him.

"I..uh, I don't know." She said and saw the surprise on his face. She almost smirked at his naivety. She could imagine his theories about the world she was living in and she was afraid to break his heart with the ugly truth. "What Castle, what were you expecting?" she asked with a small shrug.

"I just… I thought you knew who paid you. I though you…"

"Castle, I'm an assassin. I don't ask for names or addresses. They paid in cash and only called me from a private number. I had a phone number but it was probably the number of a burner phone. I'm sure they don't even have it anymore…" she said and even she could hear a hint of helplessness in her own voice.

"All right, then… what do you know about the job? Why did they hire you?" Castle questioned and she finally allowed the smirk to escape her at his excited words. He sounded like he enjoyed it, like he was having the time of his life playing hide and seek and putting together this damned puzzle. He surely didn't seem this happy with himself that afternoon in the warehouse. She could never forget his terrified, crushed stare as she pointed her gun at him. His shattered posture, his resignation was a major feature in breaking her, in making her see clearly…

"Why are you so pleased with this?" she asked from him and took a step closer. She needed him to understand the seriousness of the situation.

"I'm not!" he protested. He didn't want to enjoy it, he knew what he could loose but he also couldn't help the fluttering in his stomach at the thought of getting an insight to this world. To how does it feel to be a target. It was an occupational hazard, his writer's imagination got the better of him. Also, seeing the adorable wrinkle above her right eye as she became annoyed with him was just too much to resist.

"Castle you look like this is some kind of an adventure game. But it's not. Wake up, this is the real world! There might be a heartless assassin after you who will kill you!" she told him firmly.

"I thought you were as well, and you didn't kill me..." he said to push her buttons, but his voice was hoarser this time as the impact of her words dawned on him. It might felt like he was no longer in danger at that moment, standing in the safety of his own living room with her telling him that she wanted to protect him but there was no guarantee that she could... And there were still people out there who wanted him dead.

"But I'm a wreck damn it!" she snapped at him and with two long strides she stood directly in front of Castle, unconsciously invading his personal space. "I'm broken and screwed up. I'm not normal... I'm too damaged." she started forcefully but finished in a desperate whisper. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes filling with tears for the unsaid things. He saw that there was so much more behind those words. A meaning that he couldn't understand without knowing her and her story.

It was a whole different side of her comparing to the strong, confident and purposeful woman he had seen of her so far. He never thought she ever doubted herself.

"You are beautiful!" he whispered and didn't resist the urge to smooth over her face anymore. His hand moved on its own and he cupped her cheek gently, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone. For a moment their eyes met and he tried to reassure her, but she seemed completely defeated.

She turned her head away and stepped back, putting distance between them and Castle felt his heart tremble. She stood with her back to him and a minute of silence passed until she took a deep breath and turned towards him again.

Castle barely could contain the little gasp of surprise when he saw her face. In the matter of that one minute she managed to compose herself, now looking fiercer and more powerful than ever. Her eyes were cold and emotionless again, determination was the only flame in them. If he wasn't there he would have never believed that she just had a moment of weakness.

"I got the assignment four days ago. They said it was about money and pride… it was a man's voice but it doesn't really mean anything." She said, looking at him expectantly and it took Castle some time to realize that she was waiting for him to guess who the employer was.

"I..uh… I have no idea who it can be… four days? Four days…" he murmured, entirely too confused by the events of the last day and now her sudden change of behaviour to think straight. He tried to collect his memories of the previous week but it was hard when so much had happened. His mind threw images at him of women waiting in line at his book signing and Alexis laughing at him over breakfast and a dog peeing on its owner's feet in the park and a cupcake with blue frosting on it and thousand more little things that got his attention. Then he saw her eyes, her mouth, her long legs in his mind's eye. He felt her hair between his fingers, heard her soft moan as he kissed her luscious lips. "God, this is difficult..." he groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. As he kept straining his brain a pair of eyes, identical to hers and a shy smile popped up in his head. He narrowed his eyes because he was sure it was her, but it wasn't that day. He tried to think of their surroundings and then it occured to him. It was in the store the other day when he was having a hard time writing. He remembered the striking woman who bumped into him when he was on his way to the cashier and now he realized that it was the same woman who stood in front of him now. He wondered what she could have been doing that day. Was she following him? And why didn't she kill him then? She had plenty of opportunities...

"Castle!" she called and he noticed that his thoughts had wandered off the original subject.

"Yeah, right... I'm sorry. Four days ago. Alexis wasn't at home yet and I was... I was out playing... Oh no." the memory of a dark, smoky bar and drinks and laughter came to his mind. Then the amount of money he won on poker that night. "No, that can't be..."

"What is it Castle?" she demanded sounding alerted.

"No, that's not possible..." he shook his head and started to think about a different explanation, but his mind kept guiding him back to that night and the angry, hostile eyes of the men around the table.

"Castle! Tell me!" she raised her stern voice to get his attention.

"It's..." he paused with a sigh but her eyes urged him to go on. "I was playing poker. With some big guns. And I won a lot..." he told her and the expression of concentration and interest on her face impressed him. It was like she was listening, taking in every little information and analysing it at the same time, trying to make sense of it all.

"How big guns?" she asked and he let out a chuckle.

"Pretty big... I wouldn't call them maffia, but they are all powerful leaders." he said remembering the players around his table.

"CrapCastle, what the hell were you doing there?" she asked, almost chiding him. He must have looked like a small boy trying to act grown up and playing with real men.

"It was research for a new book..." he shrugged at her scolding glare.

"You do this often?" she questioned but from the casual way he said it she already knew the answer.

"Yes, that makes my books so great!" he nodded, not even noticing how egotistic that sounded.

"I'm surprised you're still alive." she told him honestly and rolled her eyes.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he tilted his head with a grin.

"How much you've won?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"Couple thousands that night, but I've been lucky recently..." he admitted and she rested her forehead against raised her hand.

"Who lost the most?"

"Um..." he scratched his scalp and seemed deep in thought for a moment. "I think his name was 'Belaya akula'? And he owned the bar we were playing in." he said.

"That's him! His name means white shark in russian. He lost the most money and to top it all in his own club. That's money and pride, the two motives they told me..." she said and there was a tiny smile at the corner of her lips. Finally she got a glimpse of the end of this mess!

"You speak russian?" Castle squeaked weakly and stared at her with wide eyes.

"Yeah, so what?" she smirked at him teasingly, her mood visibly elevated now.

"Nothing..." he shook his head.

Beckett looked around once more, collecting her thoughts before resting her eyes on him.

"I have to go!" she told him and strode to the front door, Castle following her. She pulled the door open, her eyes briefly running over the shoe rack and settling on a pair of girlish, light brown sneakers. She swallowed, thinking of the young girl sleeping upstairs, not having a single guess about what was going on. She couldn't let her down, that girl needed her father.

"I'm not sure they already hired anyone, but you have to be careful!" she warned him as she turned back. She met his eyes to make sure that he understood her but there was no problem with taking her words seriously this time.

"I will!" he nodded and felt the pressure in his lungs because he wanted to say so much more. He wanted to tell her how lost he was and he wanted to beg her to stay with him. He wanted to ask tons of questions from her, wanted to know her. He wanted her to know how precious she was. He wanted her to see what he saw when he looked at her. He wanted to hold her close to him and never let her go. He wanted to be able to kiss her and then look deeply into her eyes and see her emotions swimming freely in them and not locked up behind high walls. "Be careful as well!" he only said and fisted his hands to resist reaching out and touching her.

"Take care of yourself, Castle!" she said with a small smile, then after one brief look at his face she turned and walked away.

Rick stared after her until the elevator doors closed and he couldn't help the feeling that this was the last time he seen her. It hurt him deep down, it hurt more than he expected and the emotion left him quite speechless and confused. She had a bigger effect on him than any other woman before. She was special. But he would never see her again to tell her that. She was in constant danger to save his life when she owed him nothing and she still thought about herself as someone worthless. He saw that in her eyes and no matter how much he wanted, he didn't have the opportunity to convince her otherwise.

Castle slowly let the front door close after her and leaned heavily back on it, his head in his hands, thoughts swirling rapidly. How was it even possible to feel so strongly for someone who he barely knew for a day?

**So… thoughts? I truly hope you liked it! Please write me a review because I'm dying to know what your opinions are! :)  
The russian thing, if it's a bit blurry I am so sorry… I hope I got it kind of all right, or at least understandable…  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! You guys are my biggest inspiration and your words mean the world to me! :)  
Next chapter, as soon as I can! I promise I will hurry with it!  
Until then, xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi guys! I'm so terribly sorry for being late with this chapter… I was about to update this chapter yesterday but then I got all insecure with the ending and it took me longer than I expected to finish it…  
Thank you all so much for the lovely feedback on last chapter! I can't tell you enough how much it means to me! Also, to those of you who left an anonymus or guest review, thank you as well… I'm sorry I can't answer you personally! :)  
Now here is the chapter, I hope you will enjoy it!**

_Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Castle…_

_Chapter 11_

Kate got down to work as soon as she arrived in her apartment. With phone in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other she sat in front of her computer. Her thoughts were running a hundred mile per hour, putting the pieces of her plan to their places. Her fingers flew across the keyboard, doing web searches and phone record checks on the number she had. A burner just like she guessed…

She purposefully avoided thinking of Castle. She couldn't bear the memory of him standing in his doorway with puppy eyes, staring after her wordlessly. She didn't turn back, not once because she was sure she would do something really stupid and reckless. She couldn't allow herself any more mistakes. So she just held her head high, her shoulders square and pretended to be brave and icy when in truth she was burning inside. She was longing to turn and at least take one last look at him. To run back and throw herself into his arms.

She saw in his eyes that he knew this was the last time they saw each other. It was the only option and she knew it would hurt like hell, but she cursed herself for it, thinking that she well deserved it if she was so insensible to fall for him.

She just wished she had something better to tell him than to take care of himself. She wished she could have said goodbye properly, that she could have a different last memory of him than those huge, sad crystal blue eyes. She couldn't even allow herself a glance back because she knew that one look at him would break her resistance and probably make her change her mind. Like she almost did when he touched her. The temptation was so incredible and yet so entrancing and delicious that for a moment, only for the shortest moment she let her mind wander to a place where she gave up being a murderer to be with him. Where he accepted her past and loved her despite it. Where she found a way out of this darkness because he saved her... The thoughts ran through her head, images of what it could be like. But that's all they were, images. And Kate didn't lie to herself that they stood any chance. And her rational side won again, her moment gone and her walls up and steady again.

And of course she had no other choice if she wanted to be able to leave him there. His life was more important than what she longed to do and his best chance was if she walked away. She had to focus on taking down the man who wanted him dead and then... Then they would part ways for the very last time and continue to live their respective, separate lives. She knew that after this, they could never see each other again.

Kate tried to ignore the sharp pain in her chest at that thought. She would just get used to it just like she always did, repressing her emotions and waiting until they faded. This would fade as well, over time she wouldn't remember his lips on hers so clearly, she wouldn't see his eyes boring into hers and that radiant half smile that flashed across his face without him even realizing it.

She squinted at the screen, blinking back the tears to be able to continue working. She didn't have much time. She looked at the cell phone next to her on the desk not failing to notice that it hadn't rang once since that evening. The sight of it made her mouth go dry and her stomach shrunk into a tight knot. It was worse than when it rang a lot, the silence told her that her employer already knew…

She buried her face in her hands and let her eyes slide closed. She just needed one moment to compose herself, to sort her thoughts out. Without a clear mind she would never be able to find whoever was behind this. The phone number was clearly not to right way to approach him, so it had to be the club… If only she didn't have this panic in her heart that Castle was in danger, the image of him with a gun pointed at his chest. An image which was all too neat in her brain since not even twenty four hours ago she was the one who had him at gunpoint. And another assassin wouldn't be so weak as her… She had to find them. She had to save him…. She had to stop her swirling mind, she should figure out what to start with and just…

* * *

Kate's head shot up from the desk and she rubbed her forehead as she looked around. It was dark around her and only the screensaver provided any light to make out the furniture around herself. Looking down she saw that her arms were sprawled across the keyboard and her head had been resting on it. She felt groggy and slow and her brain was having a hard time to bring back her previous thoughts.

Yeah, she had fallen asleep…

She squeezed her eyes shut for a second and exhaled sleepily. She groped for her cell on the surface of the desk and after bumping into a few notebooks and pens she finally closed her fingers around it. She propped her head up on her hand and checked the phone, sighing in relief when she saw that she only dozed off for twenty minutes. _Could have been worse_…,she thought and pushed herself back from the desk. She needed to get moving or she would fall back asleep soon.

Kate went into her bathroom and splashed some water on her face to wake herself and then stared in the mirror at her pale face and tired eyes with almost black circles under them. She looked terrible…

She focused on what to do, her hands coming up to either side of her head to press at her temples. She had to find that man and the most convenient way seemed to be to look around his club.

Kate knew there was an easy way to find out where it was. One that would only take her a couple of minutes, one phone call that was all it would take. She stubbornly swayed her head, groaning. Even though Castle must have remembered where the club was she refused to call him. She wasn't ready to be faced with his voice yet. She was afraid that she would hear something that she wasn't strong enough to hear. Something she wouldn't be able to bear...

So instead she went for the second best option, hoping that she wouldn't just be wasting precious time with it. She ran a comb through her messy hair and put on some lip gloss before exiting her bathroom and hastily grabbing a few cookies from a cupboard when she heard the grumbling of her stomach. They were hard as stone but she didn't care, they would have to do...

She put on high heeled boots and left her apartment, a cookie between her teeth as she zipped up her jacket and rushed down the stairs.

New York was just as lively in that nightly hour as in daylight and Kate had to fight her way through a group of young men to get to the underground. She heard a low whistle as she passed, but she didn't turn.

She took the metro to SoHo and faced an even bigger crowd as she climbed the stairs to street level. She walked quickly, turning without even looking at street signs, knowing the route by heart.

After a few minutes there seemed to be less and less passersby and when she turned into a shadowy alleyway she found it completely deserted.

Kate stopped in front of a closed basement entrance built into the ground. She bent down and pulled on the lid forcefully. She had the confidence of one who knew exactly what she was doing, and just as she expected the door swung open, revealing the dusty stairwell that suspected no good. She stepped inside determinedly, the sounds of music coming from the end of the stairs disappearing into darkness encouraging her.

She slowly took each step, careful not to fall and as she approached the music had gotten louder and just as she arrived at the bottom of the concrete stairs there was one single lamp on the wall, providing enough light to see the door. She pushed on the handle and the door gave way, opening into one of the weirdest places Kate have ever been to.

Every single wall was dark purple but most of the surfaces were covered with posters and paintings. There were secluded booths and small, rounded tables in the middle of the room. She entered and immediately saw the long, wide stage on the opposite side of the basement. It was lighted harshly, colorful splatters of spotlight flying over the performers. There were three shirtless male dancers and a female acrobat on stage at that moment, but Kate knew that there were more wild attractions there to see in this club.

_The purple rose_ was the place where the worst of the underworld came together. The place of secrets and shadows and sinful pleasures as well as artists and everything that didn't fit in. The bar where everyone who counted in this dark world had set foot. The place where no matter what you were searching for you would find it. Or find someone who could help.

Kate herself came across it almost by accident, she was looking for weapons and the seller gave her this address to meet at. She instantly saw the odd, dark beauty of this bar and knew she could trust it to be a great source of information as well as entertainment.  
The place was full and Kate maneuvered between two tables to avoid a waitress who carried a tray of interesting looking cocktails. She glanced around and saw that there wasn't really anybody she knew apart from a guy with a big green parrot in the background, who she had seen a couple of times around here.

She made her way to the polished, wooden counter and elbowed on it between two bearded men. The owner was nowhere to be seen and she let her eyes rest on the beverage counter. Bottles of all shapes and colors appeared on the shelves and it was all decorated with signs, vignettes, stickers and some photos. It was all so full of life and dizzying but mysterious at the same time. Just like the whole place…

The music changed and she turned to the stage to see what the next performance would be when she caught sight of some movement on her left. She looked to the end of the counter and saw the owner appear from behind the shelves. The man was tall and broad shouldered, the kind of guy you didn't want to meet in an alley in the middle of the night. He had short, spiky hair and dark brown eyes. Rumor had it he started out as a gang member when he was a teen, made his way to the top and became a drug dealer with the Mexicans then he got fed up with it. He started to gamble and lost more than half of his money then when it all seemed to be over he spent a fortune to create this club and he was the owner and a bartender there ever since. Of course, only a few knew what happened for sure…

"Hiya Flipper!" she exclaimed with a grin, waving to him when his head snapped in her direction.

"Hey there, gorgeous!" he greeted her cheerfully, recognizing her instantly. He didn't know her name just like she didn't know his either. There was barely anyone who knew each other's name around here. "Haven't seen you in ages! How have you been, darlin'?" he asked as he came closer, his soft western accent slurring some of his words.

"I've been a bit busy lately. Sorry bud, I can't spend my days hanging here... A girl's got to make a living somehow!" she smiled with a shrug and plopped down on one of the barstools.

"Told ya', you're always welcome on my stage... I would pay you nicely!" he teased as he fixed a Vodka Martini for a woman with tattoos all over her arms.

"Sure, and what do you suggest I'd do?" she asked, bantering back and trying not to sound like she was in a hurry. She loved this place, found the regulars and the performers and all of it really interesting but at that moment she couldn't think of anything other than the dangerCastle was in.

"I dunno, you must have some hidden talents, sweetie!" Flipper laughed and took out a glass from under the counter. "What's your poison?" he asked her, but Kate shook her head.

"Nope, can't drink now!" she declined and he raised his eyebrows.

"What? You're on duty?" he asked with a smirk and Kate chuckled as well.

"Yeah, sort of..." she nodded, still grinning, knowing full well that even if Flipper couldn't know for sure he at least had a strong guess that she wasn't a cop.

"All right, then what brings you here? Surely not Gregorio and the Babes over there..." he said nodding to the ensemble dancing on stage.

"Oh no, though they are quite good..." she smiled, then her face got serious. "Listen Flipper, I'm looking for someone!" she started and saw the glint in his eye. "His name is White Shark..." she said and the owner had a thoughtful expression on his face for a second.

"Belaya akula" Flipper said with an amused smile.

"You know him?" she asked hopefully.

"Not personally, but I know _about_ him... If you're really looking for him, then I guess the best place to look would be his bar. It's called _Fallen Angel _and it's just down Waverly where it meets west 24th…" he told her silently and Kate could sense the two men listening to their every word.

"Thank you! I knew I could count on you..." she smiled gratefully at him, her blood racing excitedly in her veins.

"Anything for you, darling!" Flipper said and Kate hopped off the stool and when she started to turn away he added. "Hey girl?" he waited for her to look back at him, his eyes sincere as he spoke. "Be careful!" he advised.

"I always am!" she nodded with a playful smile and turned to leave the basement.

Only when she was back on the street did she realize that she had to go back home for a rifle if she wanted to kill the man tonight. She narrowed her eyes as she rushed down the road, thinking about the gun she left on her desk. She should have brought that with herself, now the only weapon she had was a sharp knife in the inside pocket of her jacket which she always carried with herself for protection.

Kate swallowed as she considered her options. She hated knife jobs, she avoided it the best she could. It just wasn't up her street, it was messy and it required an unsettling proximity to the target which she especially disliked… But now, she either did that or went home for a gun which meant losing more time. She had no choice really.

Kate checked her phone and saw that it was half past two in the morning. Although the subway would have been faster, she chose to walk because her eyelids started to feel heavy from sleepiness. Fresh, cool night air would be good for her. She took long, quick steps and she arrived about half an hour later.  
She stood in front of the possible entrance of the bar which looked like a simple front door of an apartment building. The only thing which told Kate that she was at the right place was a pair of angel wings hung on the first floor window. For an outsider it could have looked like forgotten Christmas decoration, but Kate knew it couldn't be a coincidence.

She crossed the street and walked towards the opening of a narrow street where she suspected a back exit. Sure enough, as she rounded the corner she caught sight of dumpsters and the two buildings between which the street was situated had old, iron doors as exits. She lifted her eyes and saw the metallic steps of fire escapes leading up to the roof.

She walked to the door confidently but saw that it was closed and there wasn't a door handle on the outside of the door. Kate could see that any attempt to force it open would have been in vain. She sighed, biting her lower lip as she thought for a moment then she jogged to the fire escape and climbed up to the first landing. She ran her fingers over the window frame there and a victorious smile spread on her lips as she found a gap between the wall and the wood. She pushed her hand in it and pried the window open so she could slip inside.

Kate couldn't believe her luck as she looked around in the room which proved to be some kind of a storage room. It was rather dim but she could make out the door at her right and she didn't hesitate to go up to it. It was locked of course but Kate had her lock pick in her pocket. It didn't take her more than three minutes and she was out on the corridor.

She followed the noises of talking and clinking glasses to the end of the corridor and arrived at a half closed door. She pushed it open and peeked out, instantly noticing the tall, muscular man who was standing with his back to her, watching the room but obviously guarding the door she was hiding behind. Kate looked for a way to get out there and took in the club itself. It was full of smoke and there were rounded poker tables everywhere. She could make out the end of a long bar at the end of the room with a few barstools. There was no stage, but she could see another door leading out of the room. A massive looking, wooden door which probably led to an office.

One look around told her where the big guns were. They were seated around the biggest table, five men with girls leaning on them, stroking their broad shoulders and bringing them drinks. She couldn't see all of them, but of the three she saw either could have been White Shark.

She waited some more and when there was loud laughter coming from one of the farther tables she took a chance and stepped out into the room. She held her breath as she eyed the guard, waiting to see it he saw or heard her, but fortunately he seemed too distracted by the game at the table next to him to notice her. There wasn't a big crowd, certainly nothing like in _The purple rose _and she stayed near the wall, trying to get to the bar without being perceived.

She hid behind a fat man who went for another drink and released a tiny sigh when she finally arrived at the counter. There were two bartenders. One of them was busy with serving the fat man but the other, a young man was just wiping clean glasses and Kate stepped up to him.

"Hi! I'm looking for the owner here… Belaya akula! I'm an old friend of his…" she said with a perfect Russian accent, smiling sassily at the man when he looked up at her. His eyes traveled down her form as she leaned on the bar, resting on her bottom and she repressed her annoyance and instead waited with a knowing smirk on her face.

"He's right over there… At the big table in the grey shirt!" he motioned towards the table which she saw from the corridor. She looked over there and spotted the man, he was just taking a sip of his drink and putting a card down on the table. He had black hair and strong arms. His face held a rough expression as he stared at his fellow players. He looked just like a man who would hire an assassin...

* * *

It was four A.M. and Kate was sitting on the windowsill on the first landing of the fire escape. The bar closed just around then and from what she could find out, the White Shark would leave lastly. She expected him to use the back door, just like almost every bar owner did. A couple of guests had already exited there, leaving through the alley and Kate watched them go from the stairs.

About fifteen minutes later when she was just starting to feel nervous, Kate heard the door open again and saw him stepping out. He had a leather jacket on and he didn't even look up as he walked. He was tapping on his phone and Kate watched as he approached the dumpsters just under the fire escape. She positioned herself closer to the edge, next to the railing and she soundlessly reached into her jacket and grabbed the handle of the knife. Her breathing got heavier as she got ready, her blood thumping in her ear and she felt her hands get sweaty. She tensed her fingers around the handle and inched one more step closer, regarding him expertly. She had to jump at the perfect moment to surprise him, otherwise there was a risk that he would put up a fight. And even though Kate was well trained, one of the bests in the business she saw that he was solid and strong. Definitely stronger than her.

He passed just under her and she held her breath, looking down and seeing that he was checking his Facebook on his phone. Then he walked on and she saw the moment she was waiting for.

It felt like slow motion as Kate lunged forward, taking the leap boldly, pulling out the knife and landing just behind him. He must have heard her because he started to turn back, but her hands were already there, one grabbing his hair harshly while she twisted the knife in the other swiftly, turning it so she could cut his throat with it the next second, taking the life of the man who wanted Castle dead. Ensuring his safety and ending this horrible mess with one sharp movement.

Crimson blood spilled from the wound and she saw the red drops on the blade as she pulled it back.

A surprised gurgling sound left his chest and Kate stepped aside, letting him fall to the ground.

She felt sick but a slight wave of relief hit her as well. It was over. Finally, this was it.

She was panting hard as she stared down at the man who was gasping his last breaths, his wide black eyes on her.

"Did you hire anyone else?" she asked, the question sounding urgent and she realized she wasn't sure she could take it if it wasn't over yet.

"Who...oh...who are...you?" the man forced out, his voice hoarse as he bled out.

Kate wanted to leave, she wanted to run away but she had to know. She had to make sure it was really over.

"You know who I am. Now, did you hire anyone else to kill him?" she demanded, refusing to say Castle's name, afraid that it might make her think about him.

"I uh,...have...no i-idea...what you...talkin..." he slurred but it was already too quiet, too late, his eyes rolling back into his head and Kate watched as all life left his body. A second later he was motionless, but Kate couldn't take her eyes off his genuinely confused eyes.

She was standing next to him, knife hanging at her side in her hand and she was rooted to the spot, unable to look away when her phone went off. She jumped visibly and when she clumsily got it out of her pocket and looked at the screen Kate felt the world spin around her. It was an unknown number.

With a shaking finger she answered it and put it to her ear.

"Hahahaha!" sounded an icy laugh on the other end of the line which reached to Kate's bones, making her shudder. "Did you really think it was about a silly poker game? I thought you were better than that Kate Beckett! Oh, no. This is so much bigger than you thought..." said the voice, the voice she dreaded so much. The voice of her employer. Former employer...

The line went dead and Kate dropped the knife, her fingers giving up on clutching it as she felt the waves crashing above her head.

**So, this was it… What do you guys think? I was so doubtful about this ending that I showed it to one of my friends and asked her to tell her opinion about whether it's publishable or not… which I never do. So… I really really hope you liked it! :)  
Please tell me your thoughts in a review, it would mean the world to me!  
Thank you for reading and for reviewing! Your support is unbelievable, seriously! I'm blessed… :)  
Next chapter will be up as soon as possible, I promise I will try to hurry with it but I want to give you guys the best I can write… (or at least the best I can manage :) )  
Until then, xxx **


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everyone! Thank you all so much for the incredible feedback on last chapter! It's so great to see that you liked it mostly since I was so nervous about that chapter! I'm grateful for every single one of you. Your reviews and alerts make my day, I hope you know that! :) Thanks to everyone who left an anonymus or guest review as well, your support means everything to me! :)  
Now, about the new chapter, it is official that I can't do a chapter in under a week… I swear I tried really hard but something comes up every time. Shortly, I had a crazy week also I have one ahead of me… But, I really truly hope you will like the chapter! :)**

**I'm sorry for mistakes, I checked it but I had to finish it in a rush so there might be some errors by the end. Thank you for understanding! :)**

_Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own in…_

_Chapter 12_

Kate was running. Running away as fast as she could, dodging between cars as she crossed streets, not looking where she went just fleeing from all that was behind her. Wishing that she could flee from the thoughts swirling inside her head just like that as well.

She ignored them, repressing every emotion, straining her muscles to go faster, to run harder.

The Sun started to rise and its weak beams caused stripes on everything she was speeding by.

Her lungs felt closed, her heart cold and unmoving like a rock. Air, she needed air. She needed to get free of the weight that was on her, squashing her to death.

People yelled at her as she sprinted by them but she didn't care, cars honked and she dared them to hit her. She wouldn't even mind it... She just wanted this to end, she needed it to end. But life wasn't taking mercy on her, it wasn't that easy. Whatever God was in charge of everything in the universe decided that she hadn't suffered enough yet.

She left the busy streets of downtown and as she crossed a main road a bus went past her, only missing her by a couple of feet. Her head was spinning as she looked back, heart thumping so hard in her chest that she thought it would explode. Her mind was blissfully blank as she slowed down to a jog, noticing and immediately recognizing the place in front of her.

She crossed the huge, iron gates and walked into the cemetery that she knew so well. She strolled between the graves with familiarity, knowing her way around from the many visits to her mother's grave. Her chest was heaving and she felt her throat burn, her cheek flush from the rush.

She found her way to the one grave she knew so much, the carved letters were still, like every time she saw them, a punch in her gut.

_Vincit omnia veritas. _Truth conquers all.

Kate fell to her knees beside the tombstone, her feet too weak to keep her upright and it all came down on her. She couldn't pretend to be strong anymore, right there next to her mother's grave she gave in to the urge to let go. She closed her eyes and allowed her walls to come down, her emotions to overtake her. She felt tears behind her shut eyelids and she let them fall. She let them slide down her cheeks because it was just too much to take. It was refreshing at first, being able to let go but as everything she had suppressed for so long surfaced her crying became heavier and more desperate. Soon violent, heart wrenching sobs were shaking her body uncontrollably, making Kate bend towards the ground.

She didn't know who she was anymore and that made her scared. It made her feel nauseous about herself. Just to think about who she had become. What she had become. A killer. A heartless, cold blooded, cruel assassin. Who was she? She killed so many people, sometimes not even thinking at all while doing it, never having any doubts. She always told herself they had it coming. But now, she was far too deep. She killed that man without thinking, she just killed him. Sliced his throat when he didn't do anything…

_Who had she become? _

"I'm so sorry, Mom!" she whimpered when she was able to catch her breath, then it all closed around her again and she sank back into the darkness of it.

Her mother was so good. A beam of sunlight, sweet and caring. Always fair, always teaching her to be helpful and nice. Always wanting justice.

And what was Kate doing now? She was killing people, she was murdering them for a living. Johanna would be so ashamed of her. And that made Kate's heart clench painfully. She just wanted to get justice for her mom, then she wanted to be the best. Just like she promised…

When did this become so wrong? Why didn't she notice it?

With previous targets she had a morbid, twisted right to end their lives, she was just an executor, the one who did the dirty job. She had an assignment to do it. Of course deep down she knew it wasn't right, she knew that it didn't matter if she was the best her job was inhuman and despicable. Assassins were ruthless and calculating. They were nefarious, invertebrate.  
She could ignore all doubts, she could repress every feeling, she could lie to herself as much as she wanted but in the end she became the lowest of all. A murderer.

She was trembling with all her body, her head dizzy and her lungs dry, panting for air.

Through her tears she looked at the stone in front of her, on the date that changed her life. _January 9th 1999_. The day her old life turned upside down, the day new Kate was born. The day that led her to become who she was today.

What had she become?  
She killed that man without a second thought because she believed him to be the one who ordered Castle's murder. She was led by the sudden wave of need to protect the writer and she didn't look for proof. She had no right to kill him, not even as much as with previous targets. He wasn't a target. He was innocent… She killed a completely innocent man.

Bile rose in her throat at that thought.

She never wanted it to end like this. She never wanted to be this person. She never thought she would be the one who killed without reason. Who killed at all...

And the worst of all was that she never even realized it. She never stopped to think it over. She was blinded by her lo… her feelings for Castle. She was driven by the need to protect him, the need to get this whole thing over with because she felt that it was dangerous. He was becoming too important to her. She wanted it to be over so she could disappear and get as far away from Castle as possible until her feelings faded.

And she was so sure it would be over, she was so certain that killing White Shark would end this mess. That she would save Castle and be able to vanish afterwards. But she was so wrong, she made mistake after mistake ever since she got this job and now she made the biggest of them all and killed an innocent man.

Previously she was an enforcer, she did what she was paid for. Now, she was dirty. She was a simple, loathsome **murderer**.

The word echoed in Kate's mind over and over again, every time it felt like a stab in her heart. She was no more than a criminal.

Kate sniffled, trying to even her breathing but she spiraled back down into self hatred and devastation every time.

After some time she didn't even try to fight the stream of thoughts. She just allowed them to wash over her, to defeat her and she surrendered. She was kneeling in front of the grave that signified her mother in this physical world, and she gave up pretending. She had to accept what she had become. A horrible, dreadful, broken person.

And as she knelt there, suddenly a thought cut through her misery and Kate almost fainted as it registered in her mind.  
Castle! This whole thing was to protect him. She killed that innocent man in order to protect his life and in the process she exposed herself to the real employer. And Castle was in danger again.

"Damn it!" Kate hissed as she realized that she was so immersed in her own anguish to think about that. His life was still threatened, even more because now the man who wanted him dead knew for sure what Kate was doing. Castle was vulnerable and defenseless and for all Kate knew the city's most savage thug could be after him while she was crying in front of her mother's grave. As the voice in the phone said it was so not over yet…

And now Kate knew for sure that she couldn't lose Castle. It wasn't just her conscience anymore, it wasn't just about protecting a man who didn't do anything wrong or the father of a young girl. It was about herself as well. She killed an innocent man in this battle, she became who she never wanted to be and it was the least she could do to bring some kind of justice to him with catching the man she was supposed to kill in order to save Castle. Also, though she was reluctant to accept it, she discovered strong and deep feelings for Castle which were harder and harder to deny any longer… She couldn't lose him.

She got up from the ground, dusted off her jeans and wiped her face. Her thoughts were running again, panic settling in the pit of her stomach. With one last glance at her mother's grave Kate turned and started for the gates of the cemetery again.

* * *

She was running again, deciding that she didn't have any time to waste. It was possible that she was already too late but she refused to consider that as an option. He had to be all right! He had to be okay...

The streets weren't crowded yet, only the earliest risers were out and Kate slalomed between them, dashing in the direction of the closest metro station. As the vehicle rolled in she leaped forward, getting on it and tapping her foot on its floor impatiently when it didn't start soon enough for her liking. There were plenty of empty seats to sit but Kate was too alert, too nervous to even think about sitting down so she just paced the length of the car, not caring about the weird looks she got from the few passengers. As soon as the doors slid open Kate was out of the underground, running across the vast space of the station and up the stairs.

Her legs were hurting as she hastened down his street but she willed them to move, to take her to his building faster.

By the time she arrived in his street, her mouth was dry and she was exhausted. She knew perfectly well that if she had to fight with anyone in that moment she would lose. She wouldn't be able to protect him, but she pushed that thought to the back of her mind, only slowing her sprint when she was in front of his house. She went inside and climbed the stairs with record speed her ears strained to hear any sound of trouble.

She paused in front of his door and acknowledged the sense of déja vu as she caught her breath before knocking.

The corridor was deadly silent and she prayed to God that she wouldn't find him lying on the ground inside. Her hand was shaking as she lifted it to the wooden surface of the door and she knocked twice. When she pulled her hand back she noticed the little red streak on her palm. Kate shuddered as she realized that it was blood and she quickly wiped her hand into her jeans. She looked down at herself and much to her own horror she saw small spots of the same color on her jacket as well. No wonder people were eyeing her suspiciously on the subway. She remembered clearing the knife in her victim's shirt then putting it back into her inside pocket so she wasn't worried about leaving evidence behind, but she could have been a bit more cautious.

Kate stared at the door for a moment then knocked again, her heartbeat fastening as her mind was invaded with unwelcome thoughts. _Please, don't let me be too late! Please don't let him be hurt..._, she repeated like a mantra.  
She exhaled slowly and reached into her pocket for her lock pick when again there was no response from the loft. She could hear her pulse drumming in her ear as she pushed the small metal into the lock, feeling around with it until it got stuck. Then she reached for the other part of the lock pick, her fingers trembling, making it hard to get it out of the package.

She still didn't let desperation take over her mind just because he didn't open the door instantly, she knew that it was late at night. Or frankly, it was early… He was most probably asleep, or at least in bed. But malevolent thoughts kept flowing back, like a river of darkness, making her head dizzy and uncertain.

She finally managed to put the other metallic part into the lock as well, her vision a bit blurry from her tears. What would she do if she was already too late? Could she take it? How could it all go wrong so fastly?

Her eyes were focused on the lock and she worked the lock pick around, huffing in annoyance when it didn't open the door at first. She was usually better than this…

Kate tried again and felt the lock give in. She stared at the lock pick still clutched between her shaking fingers before she pushed the door slightly open, just a small gap through which she could enter. It was dark inside but the streetlights gave enough light for her to see the shapes in the apartment. She walked along the entry hall leading to the living room and her numb mind replayed the events of few hours ago when she first set foot in his home. She was swift and silent, moving like a shadow. She reached the couch and stopped, looking around and listening, fearing the worst but at the same time deep down still hoping that nothing bad happened. She saw some light coming from a room which looked like a study and she started towards it. She was halfway to the door, watching the ground as she stepped when the light was blocked by a bulky figure and Kate's breath hitched in her lungs.

There was a completely motionless second while she felt eyes on herself and her heart was racing with full force. _Please don't let him be hurt!_

She looked up in the same moment a voice spoke up, the soft, slightly sleepy tone familiar and full of emotion.

"Hey!" Castle said and he didn't even sound surprised. Kate looked up into his sparkling blue eyes, not able to refuse the temptation any more. Hearing his voice, full and healthy was a weight off her mind. A weight even heavier than she realized before.

His eyes were a bit hazy but he looked at her with interest and something like tenderness in them. Her heart skipped a beat then rattled in her chest wildly like a bird in a cage as she took him in, her eyes traveling his form, carefully making sure that he was in fact unharmed. He was wearing the same grey T-shirt as before, his hair disheveled like he had been tossing in bed for hours. His eyes held millions of questions but he didn't voice any of them, he was just standing there in the doorway of his study (_was he writing in there?_) , looking at her. Waiting for her to say something, to explain it. His gaze was open with just the hint of worry and it cracked her.

She took off, moving like a bullet through air, crossing the distance between them as relief flooded her whole system at seeing him alive. Without warning she threw herself at him, closing her arms around his neck so tightly that she felt him tense up. Kate knew this was unlike her, it was unlike any reaction that could have been expected from her in this situation. She, the tough, badass assassin shouldn't have let anything or anyone get this close to her. She shouldn't have an outburst of emotions like this. He was probably beyond confused since they barely even knew each other. But Kate couldn't help it, nor the tears that welled up in her eyes again as she held onto him.

"Thank God you're okay..." she murmured into his neck and a warmness spread in her body when she felt his arms come up around her middle. He hugged her back, this broad chest pressing into her, assuring her that he was really fine.

His hands stroked her waist gently, calming her without really knowing what she was so upset about and Kate couldn't take it anymore. The solace of the loft, the smells of a home and the strongness of his embrace was too much and tears sprung to her eyes, her body shaking wave after wave. She couldn't believe that she almost killed this man. This wonderful man who was consoling her in the middle of the night in his own apartment, to where she just broke in. Consoling her when only a few hours ago she was after him and wanted to shoot him. She had been through Hell that day and it all came down on her as she stood in his embrace.

"Shh...it's okay!" Castle whispered into her hair. He held her protectively and she snuggled into him, hiding her face in his shoulder. They stood like that for moments, Kate trembling like a leaf but Castle still didn't say anything, didn't move an inch. When at last she pulled back he didn't let go of her and Kate's stomach fluttered excitedly. She reached out and cupped his face softly, their eyes meeting and finally she gave in. She didn't try to deny or fight the feelings she felt for him. For the first time she let him see her, fully and without walls. There she stood, still so close to him that he could make out the teardrops on her eyelashes but she didn't back away. Instead she leaned forward and brushed her lips ever so lightly against his. It was tentative and shy but when he responded Kate became more and more urgent, putting her every fear and pain and relief into the kiss. One arm tightened around her and he lifted his other hand to tangle his fingers in her hair, tilting her head a bit so he could have better access to her mouth. Kate moaned as their tongues danced and she wound her arms around his neck, pushing her body flush against his.

She knew there were things that needed to be talked about. His life was still in danger, now probably hers too. But she didn't have it in herself to refuse what she needed so much. She needed him and clearly he was thinking along the same lines because he took a slow step backwards, pulling her with him towards the study in the probable direction of his bedroom.  
She let go of his neck and started to tug his shirt up and over his head, throwing it on the floor as they crossed the study. She helped him with getting rid of her own clothing and let out a contented sigh when his hot, soft lips met the skin of her neck, his arms circling her hips and pulling her into him again.  
The world was still dark and it was all still wrong, but in that moment she let go of it all and focused on his lips against her, on his hair between her fingers and on his low growl resonating through his chest when she ran her hand down his chest. Because they deserved this night before facing the enemy. They deserved this night of bliss to remember in the worst times. To have something to remind them, that there was something worthy of fighting for. Kate needed to believe in that, and in that moment, as the bedroom door shut closed behind them she did believe in it.

**So, this was it. Not exactly the way I planned to finish this chapter but then it kind of got out of a hand a little… What do you think? I'm dying to hear your opinion so please write me a few words in a review! It would be dearly appreciated! :)  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I hope you liked the chapter!  
Next chapter will be up in a week for sure, but I will try my best and if some miracle occurs it will be up even sooner! :)  
Until then, xxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback on last chapter! It really makes me happy to know that you like the story and it's a great encouragement. You make me want to keep going even when I'm having a horrible writer's block… You guys are the best I could hope for, my greatest inspiration and I truly am grateful for every single one of you! :) A huge thanks to those of you who left anonymus or guest reviews, I can't answer you personally, but I really appreciate your support. Also thank you if you put this story or me into any kind of alerts… :)  
Now, this chapter is entirely from Castle's POV and I really hope you will like it!  
Oh, and I'm sorry for any possible mistakes...**

_Disclaimer: I don't own this wonderful show…_

_Chapter 13_

_Castle was sprinting down the alley and he took the first possible turn to get out of the dimly lit street and get as far away from the tall, windowless buildings as he could. The sound of footsteps sounded behind him and his stomach was in a tight knot from fear. His leg and side were hurting but he kept running. He knew he couldn't stop, he was running for his life._

_He didn't recognise the street she was crossing, or the shops he was passing. It seemed like nobody was outside and there was nobody to ask for help. _

_He turned his head from side to side, searching for away out madly and noticing a short corridor between two old, mediterreanean styled house with a stone staircase at the end of it he headed for it. _

_The footsteps sounded closer this time and he glanced behind himself with a r acing heart. He could make out the form of a slender woman following him, rushing towards him. He didn't know who it was, only the long, dark hair and the way she ran told him that it was a female. She was fast, way faster than it was normal and Castle felt like he was literally rooted to the spot. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move and he turned his eyes back towards the stairs in panic. His chaser didn't stop though and he willed his legs to move. Everything felt like slow motion and it drove him crazy._

_'Come on!' he urged himself desperately but couldn't do anything but walk. His head was spinning and he almost reached the start of the small corridor when a door opened slightly to his left. It was hidden, the same colour as the wall and Castle was sure it hadn't been there a moment ago._

_"Psst, Castle!" he heard a whisper through the gap and it startled him. Why did somebody in this unknown city know his name? But he was being chased and the faceless form got nearer and nearer with every passing second so he stopped mid-step and turned to the door._

_His mouth fell open when he saw the familiar green eyes peering out at him. It was **her**, hereyes were looking at him, she was hidden behind that door, she was motioning for him to get inside._

_"What are you doing here?" he asked quietly from her as he slipped inside._

_"Don't worry, I'm going to protect you!" she told him with a soft smile, stepping up to him and running a hand over his chest and resting it above his racing heart._

_"You can't... You have to run, you have to get away! I don't want you to get hurt!" he protested but her smile got even wider as she looked at him with sparkling, loving eyes._

_"I can't not protect you! That's what I need to do. I won't get hurt, don't worry about me!" she murmured and Castle's hands went to trace down her arms and settle at her elbows. He didn't know how it happened but she was impossibly close to him now, their noses almost touching and he found her incredibly irresistible. He didn't even try to resist her and leaned down to capture her full, red lips with his._

_She moaned into his mouth and he took advantage of it by sliding his tongue against hers. He felt her hand come up and grasp his hair and he circled her waist with one hand, tugging her body into his._

_She broke the kiss after endless moments and they were both breathless as they rested their foreheads against each other._

_"You have to get out of here now..." she whispered to him and before he could shake his head she pressed one more peck on his lips. "Go! I can take care of myself but you have to disappear now... Go and hurry because she's almost here!" she told him and stepped back and pushed him towards a door at the opposite side of the room._

_"I'm not leaving you..." he told her but instead of determined he sounded pleading._

_"Castle go!" she said and turned to the door leading to the street.  
Rick waited one more second, just watching her as she stared at the door which started to open. He knew that his chaser would enter through it and even though he wanted nothing else than run back to her and embrace her in his arms and protect her he knew if he didn't leave now she would be really pissed off. She told him to go and he would… He really had to get away.  
As he pulled the door closed behind him he heard two voices from the room he just left, two female voices. First cold and confident, then they got louder and by the time he reached the end of the corridor they were yelling at each other. And just as he reached for the doorknob on another door, which looked like an exit to another street he heard the sharp, heart wrenching sound of a gunshot echo through the silence of the house. _

Castle's eyes snapped open and he bolted upright in bed. He was panting heavily and he felt tears in his eyes as he tried to come back to reality. It was just a dream. Just a nightmare. It wasn't real, he didn't have to run for his life and the woman with whom he was slowly starting to fall in love with despite only knowing her for a day was not getting shot. _Just a dream!, _he calmed himself.

He rubbed his face with his hands and as he let them fall back on his lap he noticed that he wasn't alone. He was in his own bed, in his bedroom but when he looked to his left he saw a slim body under his covers. She was facing away from him, her light brown hair flowing down to her back in golden curls and Castle's heart jumped.

It was **her!** She was sound asleep in his bed and when the fog caused by his dream cleared out a bit from his mind, events of only a couple of hours ago came flooding back to his head.

The way her back arched beneath him as he kissed down her neck, the small whimper that left her delicious lips when he hit that spot behind her ear, the feel of her fingers running across his back and nails digging into his skin. It made him shudder.

Castle watched her as she slept, afraid that she might sense his eyes on her and wake up any second. He didn't want to see her flee or say that it was just a mistake. He knew that would probably happen but he wasn't ready yet. Right now, he wanted to enjoy the relaxed and calm, maybe even happy expression on her face. He wished he could stop time and live in this one moment for the rest of his life.

It was crazy, he would have never imagined to wake up with this amazing woman in his bed. He only knew her for a day, he didn't even know her real name! He frowned at that, it was so unlike him, wrong on so many levels but he knew for sure that nothing had ever felt more right in his life. When he looked into her eyes he felt the need to get to know her, to spend more time with her, to figure her out. Besides her obvious beauty he was attracted to her mostly because he found her intriguing.

After a few minutes of staring at her, taking in as much of her as he could before she would vanish, Castle felt his eyes close again. His eyelids were heavy and he laid back and scooted carefully closer to her. He held his breath, praying that she wouldn't stir as he slowly put his arm around her waist and pulled her to his chest. It was warm and soft and he sighed relievedly into her hair when she didn't move away, but instead unconsciously put her arm over his and curled her fingers around his hand on her bare stomach. His heart swelled at that and he closed his eyes with a happy, satisfied smile, falling back to a blissful sleep.

* * *

The next time he woke he could instantly tell that something was different. It wasn't warm and cozy like when he fell back to sleep but cold and lonely. Without opening his eyes he reached out and searched for her with his hand. When he only grasped air his heart trembled and he opened his eyes with a disappointed pout on his lips.

She wasn't beside him or anywhere in his bedroom and he was sure she had already sneaked out of his loft. Just when he was determining that maybe in fact it was for the best that they didn't have any more time that he didn't get the chance to really fall for her, maybe it would be easier because this way she was just like a dream, flying by and leaving a merry memory of bliss after her, he heard some rustling from the living room. The previous thoughts were out of his mind instantly and he hopped out of his bed. Just as he stumbled into the living room he heard the front door close and he ran his fingers through his messy hair as he crossed the room and hurried after her.

Without caring the slightest bit about his scanty attire he tore the door open and stepped out, turning his head around to see where she was going. Sure enough she was a couple of steps down the corridor, heading for the back stairwell.

"Wait!" he called after her and she froze, her shoulders going tense. "Where are you going?" he asked as he caught up with her.

"I have to go Castle!" she told him as he came to face her.

"But why?" he asked and his voice seemed a little desperate.

"Look Castle..." she sighed, her eyes coming up to meet his, her stare hesitant and regretful, lively and caring, full of contradictions. With her loose ponytail she was so stunning it made his heart ache. "Last night was..."

"Don't you dare say a mistake!" he cut her off vehemently. "Because it wasn't!" he added when he saw that she was going to argue. "It wasn't a mistake, it wasn't for me and I know it wasn't for you either."

"Last night was a one time thing." she said after a long intake of breath.

"It doesn't have to be!" he said in a light tone and stepped closer to her but she backed away.

"Don't do this, Castle. I have to go, I can't protect you like this…" she said and he scowled.

"But why…? Didn't you already…" he trailed off when he saw the expression of sheer pain on her face. "What is it? What happened?" he questioned but she averted her eyes and judging by the trembling of her lips she was close to crying. He stepped to her again and this time she didn't move so he put a gentle hand on her arm. "What's wrong? I thought you… uh, got rid of him…" he asked.

"I did. But it wasn't White Shark, Castle… It wasn't…him." She said, her voice breaking and he sucked in a breath.

They stood there for a moment, neither of them speaking, Castle's thumb drawing calming little circles on her upper arm. He could feel when she pulled herself together again, she straightened her back and her muscles stiffened under his fingers.

"I have to go!" she said after a sigh and pulled her arm out of his grasp.

"Let me help you…" he murmured and her eyes snapped up to his roughly.

"No! I couldn't have let you get even this close… I should have kept my distance, I should have stayed away. You're in danger and I should be able to concentrate…but I can't, I just… I can't. You need to stay away!" she told him heatedly and poked a finger in his chest to make him take a step back.

"But why…?" he started but she shook her head.

"Can't you see what' at stake here?" she exclaimed exasperatedly then after squeezing her eyes shut for a second she continued. "Look, it's my fault, I'm sorry Castle! I should never have come here."

"What? Don't say that..." he said, her words hurting him like a slap.

"I'm sorry. Goodbye, Castle!" she said and her eyes softened as she rose on her tiptoes and pressed the sweetest kiss on his mouth. His hands came up automatically, sliding into her hair to cup the back of her head.

She pulled back too soon and stroking his cheek, she rested her forehead against his for a moment.

"Please take care of yourself, Rick!" she whispered and the way his name rolled off her tongue gave him chills.

He wanted to say something to her, something to make her stay, something to try and express what he felt for her. But his voice let him down, his words staying unspoken as she took a step back and all he could do was watch as she walked away. At the door of the stairwell she put her hand on the handle and paused. Castle took a step toward her and swallowed, hoping that maybe she changed her mind. She looked back at him over her shoulders with longing in her eyes.

"Will I see you again?" he called after her tenderly and that seemed to break her out of her momentary weakness.

"Bye, Castle!" she replied with a sad little smile and then she was gone, disappearing through the door and leaving it to shut closed with a thud after her. She left, just like he thought minutes ago, like a dream, flying by and leaving the merry memory of one blissful night…

Castle stood there, watching the door for another moment when a thought formed in his head. He didn't even know her name, just a fake first name. Despite only meeting her last day, he was sure he knew every inch of her face, he knew her body… But he had no idea about her name. He needed to know it, he needed to know the name of this strange, mysterious, angelic creature. He needed to be able to call her somehow when she appeared in his dreams, in his fantasies. He didn't want her name to remain a mystery as so many things about her.

He stepped towards the door then looking down at himself he changed his mind and instead turned back towards his apartment in a rush. He would come out to the corridor in nothing more than boxers any day but he wouldn't go out to the street like this. He had too many women in his life who would kill him for a scandal like that.

He ran back into his bedroom and without thinking threw on the closest T-shirt and sweatpants he could find. Then he sprinted back out, praying that she wouldn't be too far.

He chose to climb the stairs as well, deciding that it was a faster way to go than the elevator and eventually ended up leaning against the wall in the lobby to catch his breath. He didn't give too much time for himself though and he was out the front door before the doorman could notice that he was acting rather weird.

Once outside he turned his head wildly from side to side, realizing that he had done almost the same thing in his nightmare except that then he was trying to flee and now he was searching for someone. He couldn't see her anywhere and he felt a bit hopeless and much disappointed as he walked a few steps to his right, straining his eyes to see the furthest down the street. There were quite a crowd but he ran his eyes over them and he was sure she wasn't amongst them. He would recognize her hair and jacket. He then turned to the left and did the same, not seeing anybody who even looked relatively like her. He smirked at the irony, nobody was like _her_! She was unique and special, nothing like anybody he had ever met… She was mysterious and independent, but at the same time so broken, so in need of love. She was amazing.

Castle hung his head, sighing in defeat. He didn't know what he was thinking… of course he couldn't catch her, if she wanted to disappear then he would never see her again.

He was just about to turn and head back to his building when he caught sight of the small street right where his building ended. His heart leapt, his mouth curling into a smile again. He couldn't see her on the street because maybe she used the back exit to leave and that door lead to that alley. With a few quick steps he was at the corner and he could saw the whole alley, nobody in there. He pursed his lips together, but didn't give up that easily. She left about two minutes before him, she was most probably walking on the street to which the alley led. He ran along it and as soon as he stepped out on the bigger street he caught sight of her. She was unmistakable for him with her glowing brown hair and high heels. She was heading to another narrow street on the opposite side of the road and he looked around to check for cars before he crossed the road. He kept his eyes on her walking form, her strides long and swift, unwavering and powerful even in heels. She was typing something on her phone and he lost her for a moment when she turned into the alley.

Castle was curious about where she might be going, where she might be living but of course he would probably never find that out and he was okay with that. He knew she couldn't give him more so all he wanted was her name. He got to the street as well and was about to call after her when a car shunted into the alley, blocking her way. Castle watched as she came to a halt and looked up at the van, taking a few cautious steps toward it then moving to get around it just when the van's door slid open and three men jumped out. They were all in dark clothes and had a black mask on their faces. They approached her and she took a step backwards, her hands fisting and coming up into fighting position.

It all happened so fast he could barely grasp what he was seeing. One of the men sprung forward, launching himself at her but she fended it off with a swift swing of her right arm. The man staggered but managed to keep his balance on the wall. The second man was more careful, he tried to punch her in the gut but she was faster, kicking him with a perfect turn and sending him down next to the tire of the van. Castle heard a long series of loud cursing, but he didn't look at the source of it, his eyes were on her again, entranced by her. The third man tried to round her, get to her back but he wasn't that lucky. She knocked him out with a right hook then instantly crouched down to avoid the first man's weak attempt to slap her. She moved like a ninja and Castle held his breath, somehow ending up flat against the wall. She kicked one of the men in the stomach, Castle lost count of which one was it. She threw her fist into a nose but she got a hard hit on her shoulder for it and Castle bit his lip. He put his hand on the wall, ready to push himself away from it and run and help her but she was back in her element immediately, jumping and kicking one of the attackers in the face. The man fell back with a yelp and Castle could see blood prickling from his nose and mouth. She swung her left arm right into the stomach of the man who was jumping at her from behind and kicked the crotch of the third one.

"You bitch!" came the painful response as the man held his injured area while shuffling a few steps away.

She only had one second to catch her breath and Castle noticed the phone still in her hand. She started to type again, but one of the men leapt at her again, this time getting her to the ground and sitting on top of her, pinning her arms beside her head. This time Castle did take a step towards them, but stopped when he noticed that she was in complete control over the situation. She wrapped her arms around the man's thighs and Castle gasped when that image brought back memories from last night when she did the same with him, only it was an act of passion not fury and fight. He wondered if she was thinking about the same thing when she flipped them over with a sudden move, getting on top of the man and freeing her hands from his grip. It was breathtaking to see how swift and almost effortless her movements were. She punched the man hard in the nose twice before she had to roll away in effort to avoid a kick from one of the other attackers.

Castle knew that she would want him to stay back, to run away probably but it was getting harder and harder for him to control his sense of protectiveness. His brain told him that she was capable of protecting herself that he would probably just make matters worse, but his heart yelled at him to go there and save her.

Neither of them noticed the fourth man exiting the van. He was wearing the same gear as his fellows and she didn't even stand the slightest chance when he stepped behind her and dealt her a steel hard blow to her temple. She fell to the ground unconsciously, her head rolling back in an unnatural angle. Two of the men grabbed her, one lifting her upper body and one her legs and they carried her to the van, pushing her inside and climbing in after her. They waited for the other two to pull themselves together as well and get inside and then they slid the door closed and drove off.

Castle stood there, frozen, rooted to the spot and gaping after them. He stood there and watched as they took her, unable to do anything to prevent it. He stood there and watched as the car disappeared with her unconscious body inside. He just stood and watched…

**And this was it! What do you think? I can't wait to read your opinion about it so pretty please leave me a review! It would mean the whole world and even more… But I think you already know that! :)  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Don't know what I would do without you… Your feedback fuels me to write more every time!  
Next chapter, hopefully sooner but at the very last in a week! :)  
Until then, xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi guys! Thank you so much for all the feedback on last chapter! Your encouragement and support means the world to me! :) **

**I was so happy that I had spring break, I thought I would finally catch up on some writing but honestly, I could barely finish this chapter. Anyway, I did finish it so here is the new chapter I really hope you will like it! :)**

**Note after re-uploading: Geez, guys I'm so sorry for the original update of this chapter. I will never ever update a chapter from my tablet again... Seriously, it looked all right until I posted it and I couldn't re-post it until now because I had to go to bed and my mom would have killed me if I wanted to turn on the computer...I uploaded it because I wanted to give you a chapter yesterday really much but looks like it didn't have such a good ending... Anyway, I learned my lesson and I hope you guys will forgive me! I'm sorry again...**

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own it._

_Chapter 14_

Castle's mind was numb as he slowly walked into the alley. He hated himself for being such a chicken and convincing himself that she would have wanted him to stay back. Because if he stepped in she wouldn't be taken, or he would be taken as well. And in that moment he felt like that would have been better than this too…

He got to the part where she stopped when the van blocked her way and he shivered. He could see it all replaying in her mind's eye. One moment she was typing on her cell, and the other… the other she was fighting with three men, all bigger and stronger than her but it seemed like she would be able to defeat them. Castle rubbed his face in annoyance. If only it wasn't for that fourth man. No matter her training and her sharp brain she was overpowered and he stood there and watched as they took her.

Castle swallowed hard and fixed his eyes on his feet, taking in deep, calming breaths. That was when he saw a little glint from the corner of his eyes. First he thought it was just litter, maybe some broken glass on the ground but then in glinted again and he couldn't help but look at it. Through the layer of moisture in his eye he couldn't see what it was so he squinted in the direction where he saw it and his heart skipped a beat when he realized what it was.

Her phone. Her cell phone was laying there on the ground, just where only minutes ago the van's tire was. It must have slipped out of her grasp during the struggle and her attackers didn't notice it when they put her in the car.

Castle knelt down and took the device in his hand, turning it over carefully to see if it was damaged. He seriously didn't have a clue how, but the phone was unharmed and Castle had to smirk at the irony. A car almost drove over it but the phone got away without a scratch while she was God knows where in the back of a truck with four man possibly trying to kill her.

He tapped the screen, making it light up and he saw that she was writing a text message. He knew it wasn't right to read into other people's messages but his eyes ran over the words automatically.

_'Mike, I need your help! Meet me at' _

The message was unfinished of course and Castle's stomach clenched. She wanted to ask for help from him, help to catch whoever wanted Castle dead. She got into all this trouble because of him!  
He didn't know who this Mike was maybe her boyfriend or her brother but apparently she trusted him. Castle refused the irrational pang of jealousy in his gut and pressed 'call' on the man's name. If she trusted him then he must too…

It rang out and with every passing second Castle felt more and more hopeless. His breathing came out in ragged pants and he was clutching her phone tightly, the closest thing to a connection that he had to her. It was like she left a clue behind for him, a little push in the right direction as to how to start looking for her. How to save her. He wished with all he had that this Mike would answer his phone but as he knelt in that alley it just seemed unlikely. It felt like everything came together and turned against him.

Castle was about to give up and end the call when someone picked it up and it took him a moment to register that he was no longer listening to the monotonous beeping sound.

"Beckett?" he heard a male voice obviously filled with worry even across the phone.

Beckett. So that was her name! Castle felt tears in his eyes. He wanted her name and here he got it. He wanted to know her name but not like this. _Beckett._ It was strong, sharp and confident, just like she was. He liked it really much. It reminded him of her fierceness, of the fire that he saw every time he looked into her hazel green eyes. Beckett. It sent shivers down his spine because it was so like _her_. Earlier he couldn't have guessed a name for her but now that he knew what it was he could imagine her name being anything else. It was her last name though. Professional and a bit cold. This man, he wasn't her brother or her boyfriend. Castle was embarrassed to admit that this revelation made him a bit relieved.

"Hallo? Beckett are you there...?" the voice asked doubtfully, sounding all confused. And it brought Castle out of his musings.

"Yeah, it's not her but umm..." he paused, thinking what exactly he was for her before continuing "…but a friend of her. She's in some...uh, trouble and she needs your help." he said, not wanting to say too much about what happened just yet.

There was silence at the other end and he was afraid that the other man hang up, not taking him seriously.

"Jesus, what mess had she got herself into again?" asked Mike after a minute and Castle released a long breath.

"Meet me at this bar called The Old Haut and I'll tell you everything!" he suggested and when the other man agreed they decided to meet in an hour.

As he pulled the phone away from his ear Castle felt the rush of adrenaline through his veins. He was doing this! He wouldn't let her down, he would search for her and fight until she was safe again. He stood up from the ground and dusted off the knee of his sweatpants. He took a deep breath, wincing a little at the smell of garbage that invaded his senses but he manned up and fisted his hands, his jaw set in a determined way.

Richard Castle, mystery writer, immature man child who just loved to fantasize about being a spy or a secret agent was finally getting some action. Not in the way he hoped, and his heart sank at the thought of her-of Beckett being in danger but he would do his best to get her back safely.

He headed to the front door of his apartment building, his blood rushing and his cheek flushed and he could almost hear her scolding voice, telling him that he was enjoying this far too much. And for a moment he felt guilty and silly but then he realized that this was all about him and he had to be the one to make it right. He wasn't going to let her be punished just because she spared his life. He still had no idea who was behind this, and what had he done to deserve it but he was sure as hell she didn't have anything to do with it… She shouldn't have to suffer for not killing him!

So he had to be brave because he was neither a spy nor a secret agent. He was just plain Rick Castle, living his fantasies out by writing novels with heroes that were so much cooler than he could have ever been. Saving the world and kicking ass on paper but he wasn't that badass in real life. So by enjoying it and pretending that it was sort of a game he just protected himself. He had to do it to keep from totally freaking out and getting cold feet. He did it to stay brave enough to do what he had to and it seemed so much easier if he convinced himself that there wouldn't be life changing consequences. That there wasn't even the possibility of anyone getting killed.  
He had to be brave for _her_. For Beckett.

* * *

Kate's head was pounding as she slowly came to consciousness. There wasn't much light in the room but it felt too much anyway and she groaned softly.  
Did she get really drunk last night? Did she knock herself out and not remember any of it?  
But then memories started to appear in her mind and she realized that this wasn't the world's worst hangover ever… She remembered stabbing White Shark, it still made her nauseous. Then the cemetery and the realization that she was falling for Castle. That she couldn't let him die. After that she had blurry images of different parts of the city and the underground and she could feel the growing impatience again. She remembered the pain in her legs from the lot of sprinting. And of course she could recall panicking and breaking into his loft, her pulse racing as she prayed that he would be all right. And the moment she saw him, the second their eyes met and the way she threw herself at him. She still blushed as she replayed their night of passion, tumbling into his bedroom, falling on the bed in a tangle of exploring limbs and urgent lips. She could hear the sound of his growl resonating through his broad chest as she kissed her way down his chest and stomach, she could feel his hot mouth and tender caresses on herself. And she could never ever in her whole life could forget the pleasure rushing through her and only intensifying when she met his dark blue eyes, so full with affection and want and possessiveness and so many emotions she couldn't name. She remembered screaming his name into the darkness of the night, muffling the sound by pressing her face into his shoulder. Then a few minutes later falling asleep in his arms, feeling safe and happier than she felt in a long time.

But then why was it cold and hard under her when his sheets and pillows were soft as heaven? Why did her head hurt like a train had just ran over her when all he did was kiss and gently stroke her hair until she fell asleep?

Then more came back to her mind. Fleeing from his bed before he woke then getting caught while sneaking out. Saying goodbye to him for what she believed would be the very last time, already making up a plan in her mind how to find out who was behind this. She remembered the mix of fear and rage she felt when he tried to convince her to let him go with her and then the feeling of her heart being smashed to pieces as she kissed him once more. She would forever have the image of him standing there looking after her like an abandoned puppy. So adorable and so damn sexy with his tousled hair and only boxers covering his body. She had ran down the first flight of stairs but her tears got the better of her as soon as she arrived on the landing. She was glad she chose the back stairs because there was no way anyone would catch her losing control and sobbing there. She hugged herself tight as she wept, mourning the love she could never have. Mourning the life he painted for her during this one night, the one she could never have.

She quickly composed herself, reminding her heart that if she didn't get a grip on her feelings and find whoever wanted him dead Castle wouldn't be able to have any kind of life…

As she exited his building she took a big breath, clearing her mind and putting all of her emotions behind her to be able to concentrate. She took out her phone as she stepped out into the alley, starting a message for Royce. She didn't know who to go to but she knew she needed help. The best she could get. And who could be better than her old trainer, the man from whom she learned everything she knew. Yes, Mike would know what to do… Or at least she hoped with all she had.

Kate hissed as she remembered the van that blocked her way, the three men getting out. The fight. The feeling of victory every time she punched one of them and didn't get a hit in answer. She thought she could overcome them, she felt like she could win. And then it all went back…

That was why her head was hurting so much.

There must have been a fourth man, a man who had to be at least 180-200 pounds judging by the impact of the blow on her nape.

Kate let her eyes flutter open and she narrowed them instantly, trying to make out where she was. She quickly found out that she couldn't move, both her hands and legs were tied to a chair she was sitting on. Her throat was dry and swallowing felt like pushing needles down her lungs.

"Damn!" she muttered, trying to tug her hands out of the rope but failing over and over again. She was growing desperate and she squeezed her eyes shut to calm herself. It wouldn't help if she lost her nerve and became hysterical. No, she needed to stay focused and rational. Find a way out of here without getting killed.

Her eyes traveled the room, taking in her surroundings. It was semi dark, the only light coming from a dirty lamp on the ceiling. There was a small table in the corner but it seemed completely empty. The door looked like it was made of iron or steel and it didn't have a handle on the inside. There wasn't any window but Kate noticed another hidden part of the room as she strained her neck to look behind herself. She guessed it must have been a bathroom of sort. But unless there was a rather big, openable or breakable window in that part of the room, which was quite improbable, she had no exit. No other option than to wait until someone opened the door from the outside.

Kate sucked in a deep breath and attempted to stand up. The ropes cut into her skin and she gasped at the pain. But she needed to move, she was situated right at the middle of the room, there was no way she could trick anybody who entered like this. She was able to push herself out of the chair but the ropes didn't move an inch so she had to stand bent back in an uncomfortable angle. With a helpless huff she collapsed back on the chair and tugged at her restraints again. Her heart skipped excitedly when she felt the one on her right leg slide up a bit.

She drew in a few breaths and was about to try again, test the ropes that would hopefully give away this time when she heard movement from the door. She froze and listened intently, her every cell focused on the noises coming from outside. Some rustling, some talking and the sound of a metallic click.

Kate fixed her eyes on the door as it opened, revealing the shape of a person. She couldn't see more because of the harsh light coming from the corridor but the person closed the door quickly and the room darkened again. Kate blinked a few times to adjust her sight to the change of lights and after a couple of seconds she could see the man who entered.

He was tall but not particularly muscular, he wore an elegant suit and Kate had to smirk at that. Here was the brain of the group then. He had rough features and calculating, cunning, icy blue eyes. They were nothing like Castle's warm, gentle blues and Kate had to chase that thought away from her mind to keep from crying. She could only hope that Castle was safe, after all they could have easily sent someone to kill him now that she wasn't there to protect him…

"Who are you?" she asked from the man and her voice was even, firm and full of hatred.

"You're a fiery one, aren't you?" the man chuckled as he stepped closer, his eyes seizing her up. Kate felt like throwing up as his lips curled upwards.

"Who are you? And where I am?" she demanded again, articulating every word.

"All right, all right no need to get all rude, Miss Beckett!" the man swayed his head and looked at her like she was a greedy child. Kate wanted nothing more than to jump up and slap him. But since she was unable to move she just glared at him, waiting for him to continue. "So… My name is George Hunter. And unfortunately I can not tell you where we are because I can't risk that you would chirp it to Mr. Castle."

"Castle? What have you done to him?" she hissed, her eyes flaming with anger.

"Me? Oh please! Nothing….yet." he added in a smooth murmur, his tone malevolent and bittersweet.

"Don't you dare raise a hand against him!" she spit, fighting to get her restraints off again.

"Why so heated? _I _won't do anything… but you here, Miss Beckett will be like a tool for me. The perfect tool to cause Mr. Castle some much deserved pain!" Hunter laughed out loud, cold and vicious.

"He doesn't deserve any pain! He's a good man!" she said defiantly, trying to cover her emotions from this man. They would only serve as weaknesses and Kate couldn't afford to have any.

"Hmm…well, I believe it's a matter of our point of view. For me, you see, he is an arrogant swindler. A stupid, vile sneak, that bastard!" the man got more passionate with every word and Kate could see the blazing detestation towards Castle in his whole posture.

"Well, for me he's an amazing father to his daughter, a generous, caring man, an incredible writer and a precious human being who deserves all the good from life he could get!" she shot back, keeping her head high. She wouldn't let this man befoul Castle's image. She intentionally didn't mention him being the most considerate, passionate, gentle and thoughtful lover she had ever had. Even though she suspected that Hunter knew about their night together-otherwise why would he want to use her against Castle- she wasn't about to assure it.

"What about your other targets, Miss Beckett? Did you consider all this about them as well?" Hunter asked her, regaining his previous calmness. He raised his eyebrows, his eyes all victorious as her jaw clenched. He knew how to get to her. Where to stab her to hurt the most…

"This isn't about them. Castle didn't do anything wrong! Why did you even hire me?" she questioned and tried to mask the curiosity that forced this question out of her.

"You're right! I am not being fair, you don't even know my reasons…" Hunter nodded, but the derisive smirk on his face belied his polite attitude. "I almost got killed because of that son of a bitch!" the man stated sharply. Kate didn't say a word, didn't move one muscle just stared at him, refusing to react any way. "You know Mr. Castle charms his way into different social circles and groups that he doesn't belong to. He calls it 'research'. For his famous crime novels…" Hunter said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. Kate still didn't move. "That's how we met… I don't know how he found me and my… uh _friends_ but one night we were out, having some fun in a bar and he came up to my brother asking for me. My brother, the good soul he is, directed him to me and that's when Mr. Castle came up with his story. The usual, I'm a crime novelist you may know Derrick Storm, I'm looking for some inspiration and I would like to create something authentic…Et cetera, et cetera…" Hunter rolled his eyes. "And I was a bit flattered, yes I admit. So I allowed him to spend a few nights with us. Nights turned into months and suddenly Rick Castle was a usual member of our group. Everybody loved him because he was outgoing, smart and witty and he had money." The man stopped talking for a bit, taking a few steps as he revised what he was about to say.

Kate followed him with her eyes, wondering how could she get out of her ropes and knock him out. As far as she saw he didn't have a gun and they were alone in the room. Hitting him wouldn't be too hard, the difficult part was getting to him. She started to move her legs slowly so he wouldn't notice. If she would be able to stand up then she could hit him with the chair at the lack of a better option.

"And all the while he was writing his dear novel. _Wind between the shells_,that's the title." Hunter continued and Kate felt her stomach sink. Her mind worked crazily, running over what she could remember from the story of it. Scenes that were memorable, sentences that got her attention. She looked for suspicious things. "He stayed with us for two and a half moths, we parted ways in a good mood, in amity." He shrugged and Kate couldn't keep silent anymore.

"Really? It doesn't look like that…" she remarked, glancing down at herself pointedly.

"Yes, well… I had to find out rather uncomfortably that our friend, Mr. Castle wanted to be _really _authentic. You see, we took him with us even to… khm… do business." Hunter grinned and Kate had a quite good idea about what kind of business he was talking about. "One night, half a year after Castle left us, the police interrupted our business! They arrested most of my _friends_ and the people we were doing business with! That had never ever happened before! We knew it couldn't have been an accident and we were right. During questioning my brother- the same who introduced Castle to me- the detective told him that they found us with the help of a crime novel. I would ask what kind of detective reads crime novels, isn't it enough to see those things every day at work who would want to read about them at home? But aside that question, one of New York's finest does in fact read crime novels, and I had no doubt about which book he was talking about… So I sat down and read _Wind between the shells_, and guess what I found?" Hunter stopped for dramatic effect but Kate already knew what would come next. She even knew what scene he was talking about in the book. "I found a detailed description of our usual business place. He changed a couple of things yeah, but for someone who has been there before it was unmistakable!"

"It's still not a reason to get him killed…" she said slowly and quietly.

"That little stunt of his almost ruined my reputation. It cost me more than you could imagine… So yes, I do believe it's only right to punish him for it! It's like a warning for other writer monkeys like him…" Hunter said furiously, raising his voice until he was almost yelling.

Kate swallowed, her eyes roaming the room as she inched her legs from side to side. She almost cheered when she finally felt one of her legs loosening the rope around it.

She had to get out of there somehow because this man clearly had no intention to keep her alive after this let alone to let her go so her best chance was to escape. She was really truly on her own.

**And this was it! What do you think? I truly hope you liked it! Please leave me a review, I can't wait to read your opinions about it! You know every single word you write makes my days brighter! :)**

**Thank you all for reading, huge thanks for every review and alert as well...**

**Next chapter, as always, in a week!**

**Until then, xxx**

**PS.: Happy 100th episode day! :) **


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi guys! First of all, thank you for all the feedback on last chapter and I'm really sorry again for the mishaps and problems with it. Thanks for being understanding, I'm grateful! :) Also thanks for every review, anonymus or signed in, I'm unspeakably happy for each and every word I get…!  
Now, here comes the new chapter! I hope you will like it! :)**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle…_

_Chapter 15_

Castle jogged down the familiar steps of The Old Haut, a small smile tugging at his lips as he entered his old favorite bar. Despite the circumstances he had tons of good memories and all kinds of nostalgic feelings flooding his mind. He remembered coming here to write his very first novel way before Alexis was even born. He was young and fresh and excited about all that surrounded him, about life and the opportunities it offers.  
It was horrible that he had to return here like this, in the middle of so much complication and danger. But if there was a place he trusted with all his heart it was The Old Haut. He would never go anywhere else to discuss these sensitive and shadowy topics.

He walked into the cozy noise of the bar and looked around, searching for the man he was going to meet. After a few moments of scanning the room he realized that it was rather stupid not to fix where they would sit, or what they would wear as a recognizance because he had no idea how this Mike looked like. There were about seven different looking, lonely guy in the bar and as he ran his eyes over each of them he found that either could have been Mike. Neither was particularly muscular or scary looking, no two door chest thugs.

Castle made a face, scraping his forehead in frustration. He considered calling out 'Mike!' real loudly then decided against it. He wouldn't want to make a complete foul out of himself also maybe this guy wouldn't take it good either.

Then he got an idea and pulled out Beckett's phone, which he put into the pocket of his coat in the last minute. He flicked through the call list and tapped 'call' on Mike Royce's name.

As he waited for it to ring, he kept his eyes on the room. He heard the low beep in the phone and watched intently which man would look for his phone. Sure enough, after the second ring a guy sitting at the bar, nursing a beer, reached for his cell. Castle didn't even wait for him to pick up, he just walked straight up to him.

"Mike Royce, if I'm not mistaken?" he addressed the man who turned his head towards him. The guy had brown hair with a couple of gray parts. His brown eyes radiated intelligence but Castle could imagine the way they turned warm and shining when he smiled.

"Yes, I am. And you would be... Beckett's friend?" he asked back, looking Castle up and down and he would have swore that he saw some doubt in the man's eyes. He couldn't help but feel offended by it, but he decided to let it slide for now. He needed Royce's help to find _her._ Beckett. It was still a bit weird for him and he had to get used to knowing her name...

"Yeah, sort of. I'm Richard Castle!" he stuck is hand out and by the flash of astonishment on Mike's features he supposed that the man have heard about him. Maybe read his books. But he didn't have time to wonder about that now.

"Michael Royce!" they quickly shook hands and Castle clumsily pushed himself up on a barstool next to Mike.

"Tell me, how do you know Beckett? I have a feeling this is not an ordinary 'we met in a book store' story..." Royce said and Castle had to smirk dryly at that.

"That's right. You know about her... uh, profession, don't you?" he asked just to make sure, but he wasn't one bit surprised when Mike nodded. She wouldn't have wanted to contact him if he didn't know.

"Yes, that's how _we _met. Let's say I was her trainer when she started." Royce murmured, his voice low and steady.

Castle couldn't help but be a bit taken aback by the new information and he cleared his throat before continuing to gain some time.

"Well, I'm going to shorten this because we have more important things to discuss now but I was her target." he said and Royce's eyes snapped to him. The man had an amused grin on his face and he raised one eyebrow.

"Her target, huh? Then how is it possible that you're still alive? She's pretty good at what she does, that much I know, I trained her."

"I honestly have no idea. Somehow she found something in me that she couldn't destroy. I could see it was eating her up but in the end she spared my life and she even decided to protect me. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I guess I have a guardian angel up there. Or maybe she is my angel." Castle paused, his blue eyes staring dreamily at the countertop as he thought about her. "I believe that's why they took her. She was in the way..." his gaze darkened, his emotions were written on his face. Raw and pained.

"I'll find her, don't worry!" Royce promised and his tone was comforting and confident.

"I want to help you!" Castle told him quickly.

"No chance. Beckett didn't want you to get hurt and I can't guarantee that if you get into this." he shook his head.

"But I'm already in it. Up to my neck!" Castle shrieked exasperatedly then as he realized he might have been a bit too loud he looked around to check if anybody was watching them. Royce looked over his shoulder as well then when he saw it was all clear he turned back.

"Fine, you can help until it doesn't involve weapons and fighting. But as soon as the action part comes, you're gone! Understood, kid?" Royce said, looking firmly into Rick's eyes.

"All right." he agreed, at least it was something.

"Now I need you to tell me everything you can about the attack. How many of them were there? What type of car they used? Anything you can remember." Royce said and Castle took a deep breath and started to tell him what he could recall from that foggy trance of panic.

* * *

By the time Kate managed to free her other leg too, Hunter was out of the room. She felt utterly helpless as she watched her chance walk out the door.

Now she was working on the ropes on her hands. If she could tear them or slip them off her hand she would be able to fight properly.

She didn't know how much time passed while she gritted her teeth and tugged at the ties, turning her hands and trying to move.

She refused to think about anything but her escape plan. She couldn't let her mind wander to a certain someone. So she planned how she will take down whoever came into the room next and get away from here. If only she knew where she was... She had no idea what she would find once she left the room and that was rather dangerous. All she knew that there was a corridor out there, one she saw when Hunter exited. But she had no clue if it was a basement, an apartment, maybe a whole house in which she was held. She had almost no chance at escaping but she knew couldn't give up.  
Never ever give up! That was one thing her mother had always told her.  
With a sudden idea she stopped tugging and instead strained her fingers in an angle where she could search for the knot on the rope. She relaxed her arms as much as she could so the tie would fall down close to her wrist and then she felt around for the little node. If her fingers were any shorter she couldn't have reached it but as she stretched her middle finger towards her other wrist she managed to ran it over the knot. She scowled as she felt that it was really tight and she bit into her lips realizing that pulling at it previously probably just made it worse. Now she regretted it dearly, but she knew she had to work with what she got. She carefully pushed her wrists together and made small circular motions with her hands until the knot came to the meeting point of the base of her thumbs. Then she squeezed her eyes shut in concentration and millimeter by millimeter she pulled one thumb out of the tie.

"Yes!" she whispered as her fingers moved more easily and she grasped the knot between her thumb and index finger. She tried to push her nail between the ropes but there was no space. She searched around for one end of the rope and even though it was pretty short she found it in a few moments. She pinched it between her fingers and despite the pain caused by this unnatural angle for her thumb she started to twist it slowly.

Because of the shortness of the rope it wasn't a too long procedure and Kate knew she won when she felt the tiny piece of rope slip back into the knot. She let out a smile as she loosened it all the way around her wrists and soon her hands were free. She brought them to her front and rubbed each wrist with the other hand.

She was so immersed in her victory and relief that she barely noticed the noises coming from the corridor. By the time she acknowledged that someone was approaching the door she didn't have enough time to come up with a plan. So she went with the most convenient and arranged her hands and legs as if they were still tied. She hung her head and refused to look up even when she heard the door being opened.

She could see the shadow of the man who entered though. Even from that she could tell that it wasn't Hunter. No, this guy was more muscular and he didn't wear a suit either. She watched as he moved towards her, his every step radiating a manly roughness. Kate only glanced up when he was finally standing right in front of her. She tried to mask her previous happiness or the nervous excitement she felt fluttering in her stomach as adrenaline raced through her.

The man had spiky black hair and green eyes. He had a cheeky smirk on his lips that sent chills down her spine. The negative kind of chills...

He reached out and traced her cheekbone with his fingers and Kate chose this moment to strike. She was faster than lightning as her hand shot out from behind her back and she grabbed the man's hand and twisted it behind his back.

The man let out a groan and Kate slapped her other hand on his mouth to quieten it. The advantage of surprise didn't last long though. He quickly recovered and gave her a hard blow in the stomach with his elbow. Kate felt the pain shoot through her and she involuntarily doubled over. She could feel the next punch before he hit and she jumped to the side to avoid it, bracing herself as she knocked into the wall instead.

She looked up just in time to see him leaping forward towards her. She rolled to her left against the wall. His fist crashed into the wall and he yelled in pain.

"What the...?" he couldn't finish swearing because her kick swept him off his feet. He sprawled out on the floor with a thud and Kate was on top of him, pinning him down with her knee on his chest the next second.

They stared at each other, panting heavily, jaws set aggressively. One moment she was in complete control of the situation and the next he was somehow reaching out and hitting her other leg, the one on the ground with such force that she lost her balance and fell. He was on her the moment her back hit the ground and he straddled her. His weight on her was pressing all air out of her lungs and she was gasping for a breath when he raised his fist and punched her in the face. Hard.

It all went black before her and her mind became dizzy from pain. She turned her head to the side, her hurting cheek on the cold floor. She didn't stop struggling against him though, she couldn't give up!

She felt his hands on her neck, grasping her throat with an iron fist. She closed her eyes and kicked out many times but he stayed on top of her and she started to feel the lack of oxygen in her system.

Suddenly everything that she was trying to repress came into her mind. Everything she denied so clear now, everything she ignored popping up in her brain. Blurry images, faded memories invaded her mind and she wondered if this was what death felt like. Her struggle started to weaken, her legs relaxing and her fingers loosening around the man's grip.

Maybe this was how it was supposed to be. She had to die because she was no good to anybody. Maybe she wasn't worth to live...

Her hazy thoughts were all about Castle then. How he looked at her like she was perfect. Like she was everything he ever hoped for and more. She thought about him and could no longer keep her tears from flowing down her cheeks. She was supposed to protect him but now he would die as well.

But she wouldn't give herself that easily, one man wouldn't be enough to battle her! She would kill as much of them as she could before she had to die, because if this was her last hour, she would die trying to protect Castle...

With these thoughts she opened her eyes and with the very last of her strength she arched off the ground and reaching out she grabbed his ear and twisted.

As soon as her fingers started twisting she felt the man's grip soften and after a half turn of his ear he was almost whining, bending to the side slightly and closing his hands around her hand to get rid of the pain.

Kate swung her leg and pushed him off her and only when he was crouched on the ground did she let him go. The response was immediate as he reached for her but Kate was ready and she leaned away from his hand. He grabbed her ankle then and began to pull. She wriggled and kicked but his attack was successful, she lost control again and fell on her shoulder. She felt a crack and her arm began to hurt like hell, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Arghh..." she growled and pursed her lips tightly together to keep silent. Not caring about the flaming pain that spread through her arm, she rolled on the flood to avoid his next kick and once she stopped she stood up. She instinctively cradled her hurt left arm to her chest as she watched him.

She tried to clear her mind and compare themselves so she could work out a tactic that would get her out of there. She was quicker but he was stronger. She was smarter but he... He had a weapon. A gun that was now pointed at her with unwavering hands. The guy knew how to fire a gun and he would be glad to use it, she could see it in his eyes.

Against her every commonsense and her survival instinct she stepped forward with a determined face, holding his eyes all the way as she walked closer. She needed that gun and to get it she had to get at least in kicking distance.

The man held the gun in both hands to stabilize it and she stepped one more step closer with a hammering heart. She was playing with fire and her life was at risk but she couldn't give up.

"Stay where you are or I'll shoot!" the man threatened her but she stubbornly stepped forward. The last thing she saw before her vision went black was his smug smirk then she heard a loud bang and she fell to the ground.

After a minute she realized that she wasn't dead. The pain that was coursing through her body radiated from her left leg. He must have averted the gun in the last minute and instead of killing her he just shot at her calf. The bullet only grazed her leg but as she glanced at her foot she saw that blood was leaking from the wound pretty quickly.

"Stupid bitch! You really thought you could get away?" the man muttered as he walked to her and even though he was at arm's length Kate didn't have the strength to fight him anymore. She bit into her lip to keep from crying and just lay there waiting for her fate. "Sit up!" the man ordered but she didn't move. He kicked into her shoulder, the one that got hurt in the struggle and she exclaimed in pain. "I said sit up!" he told her coldly.

She somehow worked herself up into sitting position with only one hand and panted from the effort. The guy reached into his back pocket and pulled out handcuffs jingling them in front of her eyes. Kate turned her head away but couldn't hold back a painful hiss when he grabbed her damaged hand and tugging it to the other cuffed them together.

"Now get up!" he told her and she pushed herself up on wobbly legs. "Let's see how you like being filmed…" he said and laughed at his own joke while pushing her out of the room.

* * *

Castle sat in his study, staring at the open lid of his laptop. It was dark, he didn't even bother to turn it on but he needed an excuse why he was locked up and alone in that office. Alexis stopped by to ask about where he was that morning. He lied to her. Told her that he was checking a store nearby for a new game that he saw on the internet. She believed him of course, they never lied to each other.

He felt like crap because of it now, but he knew it was necessary to protect her. His little girl. He chuckled to himself at that. Alexis wasn't even that small anymore, almost a grown up woman.

He and Royce parted ways after half an hour, each of them promising that if anything came up they would call the other immediately. He didn't know what Royce was doing right now, but it was surely more efficient in finding Beckett than what he did. But he just didn't know where to start or who to call.

He still couldn't really comprehend what was happening around and with him these last few days. He met this wonderful woman who wanted to kill him first then by some inexplicable miracle she changed her mind. He met her and he was fairly sure that after only this short time he was falling for her. Or had he already fell for her? He didn't know, he wasn't sure. But he knew that she was everything he needed. She was mysterious, dangerous, incredibly hot and breathtakingly beautiful and on top of it all she was maddeningly smart. She was anything but ordinary and he felt that she was drawing him in, making him crazy about her. He knew he couldn't just be able to accept that their night was just a one time thing and he would never be able to forget her. He wouldn't be able to let her down and leave her to fight on her own.

The buzzing of his cell phone interrupted his musings and Castle startled with a jerk. He fumbled for it ungracefully even though it was only a few feet away from him on the desk. He hoped it was Royce calling to tell him that he found something. A lead, a clue which they could pursue. Anything to help them find Beckett, anything other than this idle waiting.

But when he looked at the screen he saw the unknown series of numbers. It was a text message but he didn't recognize the number. He furrowed his eyebrows but tapped on opening it anyway.

It was a simple link with no message next to it. He didn't know why he clicked on it, but his gut told him to see what it was. Maybe it was just spam, maybe just some ad but maybe, maybe it was something important.

When he clicked a direct download started on his phone. Castle fidgeted nervously as he waited for two endless minutes then he opened his downloads folder and his breath hitched in his lungs when he saw that the file was a video. With shaking hands he clicked play and watched the screen as it formed a little black square. All the color drew from his face when he saw the blurry figure on the tape. It was unmistakably a woman and she was hung from a ceiling, her body helpless and limp. Then the camera focused on her and Castle's suspicions were proved. It was her…

"Jesus!"

**So, this was it. What do you think? Please tell me your thoughts, I would love to hear your opinion about it! Every review makes my days happier… :)  
I'm really sorry but I already know I probably won't be able to update next chapter as usual because my French correspondent will be with me for a week and it would be just rude to write when I'm supposed to be with her… So I'll try but the best I can do is one short, tiny chapter… After that I'll do my best to update soon! :)  
Thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope you liked it!**

**Until next time, xxx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi guys! Here is the incredibly short new chapter, I'm really sorry but I seriously didn't have more time to write! I would like to thank all of you on the wonderful feedback on last chapter, every review and alert warms my heart! :)**

_ Disclaimer: I don't own the show._

_Chapter 16_

She had her head down but even like this, he wouldn't mistake her. He could point her out from a thousand other.

She was obviously in pain, her whole body tense and he could have sworn she was trying to hold herself only on her right arm while hanging.

He didn't have more time to wonder about just how hurt she could be because just then she looked up into the camera.

It felt like her eyes bore into his through the lens, her usually sparkling greens now exhausted and desperate. Her whole face was pale, which only brought out the nasty black eye she had under her right eye. Castle's hands automatically curled into fists at the sight of it and he wished more than anything that he could have been there to protect her. That he could have been on the receiving end of that punch instead of her.

Then after only a second that felt like hours, she spoke up, her voice raspy but determined.

"Castle, please if you watch this stop the video now! Right now! Please Rick!"

The sound of his first name coming from her mouth sent chills down his spine just like every time she said it. She sounded a bit nervous and worried and he was almost sure that she didn't know what will happen. She only knew that it wouldn't be pretty and she didn't want him to see it. And no matter how much he wanted to obey to her every wish he couldn't close the video. It was his only connection to her and from the time stamp in the bottom, left corner he could see that the video was recorded only half an hour ago.

"Oh shut up!" said an unfamiliar male voice and soon a man appeared on the screen.

He was dressed in dark clothes and Castle was rather sure that he was one of the attackers who took her that morning. This time he didn't have a mask to cover his face but Rick didn't recognize him.

"Now, first of all I would like to make sure that we are on the same page here. This is not a ransom call. We don't want any money. The only purpose of this video is for you to see what will happen to those who try to make decisions instead of others. For you to see what happens to her and to let you know Mr. Castle that it's all because of you..." the man said, his voice even and malevolent as he torturously slowly walked to her side.

"That's not true!" she interrupted, heatedly shaking her head. Her punishment was an instant slap on her right cheek which made her cry.

Castle gripped his phone tighter and it started to creak. He had to loosen his fingers around it so it wouldn't break to pieces.

Beckett was gasping for air, still recovering from the slap when the man stepped around her and started to talk again.

"She's really pretty. Smart too. But not smart enough. She doesn't deserve _this_..." he paused to punch her in the tummy and she tensed up, wincing from pain while hanging. "Does she?" the man continued without a blink. "But she chose to protect you when you deserve nothing more than a bullet in your skull."

Then he raised his fist and with an evil smirk he turned his head, eyes looking straight into the camera and he hit her in the shoulder. Beckett cried out, her scream was murderous. Castle felt tears in his eyes because that shoulder was the one that probably got hurt somehow. She was trying to keep all her weight on her other arm and the man must have seen that as well. He intentionally hit that shoulder and that made Castle furious.

"You know what Mr. Castle? I won't kill her instantly. You can save her from all this if you get here soon enough... But hurry up, we can't guarantee that she will hold on very long!" the man said and Castle knew this was the end of the message. The reason of the whole video. He had to see how they torture her so he would feel terrible.

He searched for her with his eyes and she must have known that this was it too because she raised her head again and was now looking into the camera, shooting him a stare that looked like a goodbye. Her green eyes were exhausted but there was an intense emotion in them and Castle's heart leapt at the sight. He had to save her, it was impossible that this would be the last time he saw her!

Just before the screen went black the man pulled out a knife and started towards her with it. She gasped and everything that was there before in her eyes was replaced by one, clear emotion. Sheer dread.

* * *

Castle threw up. Then he cried. Then he threw up some more.

That look, that one look before the video ended, her eyes kept haunting him. He felt raw and hopeless. Useless. How would he find her in time? She was tough and strong but hurt as well. Would she trust him and believe in him to come and get her or would she just give up?

That thought was unbearable for him. She couldn't die. Nobody should die an unnatural death but he knew he couldn't live with the thought that he was too late to save her. That she died because of him. He wouldn't be able to live with the thought that she is dead.

He called Royce the minute he realized that he needed help to find her. He paced the loft aimlessly while waiting for the man to arrive and he had his face buried in his hands the whole time Royce re-watched the video. It wasn't better like that either. If it was possible it was even worse. Hearing every tone, every pitch of her painful scream. But at least he didn't see her eyes this time and he managed not to run to the bathroom and throw up again.

Royce watched the video five or six times in a row and Castle was in awe of the man's strength and ability to look for clues in it. He couldn't see or hear anything but her. He couldn't even stay in the room after the third watch, he just stood up and left. He sat at the kitchen counter, staring in front of him into the air, resting his shaking hands on the counter.

When Royce came out of the study he had a blunt expression on his face but his eyes were full of different feelings. Pain, worry and anger were all represented as well as determination and a clearness that Castle couldn't have found in himself in that second. That was why Beckett chose Royce, that's why she trusted him. He could think rationally in the worse situations and he looked like he never gave up. And that was what she needed now, she needed someone to search for her until they found her. She needed to know that there was somebody who wasn't giving up, who kept on searching so she would be able to hold on too.

The man looked at him with sympathy as he walked closer and put his phone in front of him on the counter. They didn't speak for a moment just looked at the now black screen, thinking about her. Then their eyes met and Royce must have seen how desperate and broken Castle was because he only nodded and started for the front door.

"I'm on it, kid!" he promised earnestly.

**This was it. I really really hope you liked it! I would love to know your opinion about it so pretty please leave me a review! Your reviews are like oxygen for me! :)  
Thank you all for reading, huge thanks for those who take the time to write me a few words!  
Next chapter will be longer, I promise and I will try my best to upload it quickly! Until then, xxx**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey Guys! First of all sorry again for the horribly short last chapter and a huge thanks to everyone who left me any feedback! Every alert warms my heart but you know guys, I just love it when you write me a couple of words. Must be a writers' thing... :) Anyways, here is the new chapter, as I promised much longer that the previous. I really hope you will like it!**

_Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Castle..._

_Chapter 17_

When the man came towards her with that long, sharp knife in his hand Kate was sure this was the end. She couldn't help the expression that must have spread on her face as she was looking into the camera. She hated knives, she hated to use them and she never thought that she would die because of a stab wound. She thought they were the nastiest, messiest deaths possible. She shuddered when the mental image of her death self floated into her mind, her body full of deep cuts and open, bloody stabs and around her almost five liters of blood. She had to swallow bile when she realized that Castle would probably see her like that.

So that one look, that one last, terrified glance into the camera wasn't because of her fear of death. She wasn't afraid to die, she almost waited for that other shoe to drop. No, it was because of the horribility of the thought that Castle would find her like that. She knew he would find her, that sooner or later he would get to her captors. Or if somehow he didn't they would send her corpse to Castle just to torture him. She knew he would never be able to get over that. Nobody could.

So she kept looking into the camera like it was her last connection to him, like he would be looking right back at her through the lens.

She stared at the camera without blinking when suddenly she noticed the change. The small red light that signed that it was recording faded and switched off.

Beckett scowled and looked at the man only to see him smirking at her with a remote control in his hand, pointed at the camera.

"Show's over. I wouldn't want you to get too tired, we might need to shot another one, just in case your knight needs some more encouragement." he said and Kate could see on his face that he was incredibly amused and satisfied by his own stupid joke. "Though I highly doubt that..." he added as he made his way out of the room, leaving her hanging there from the ceiling.

Kate felt like crap. Her shoulder was flaming with pain even though she tried to keep her weight on her other arm and she had a horrible ache in her abdomen as well. She could only hope she didn't have any internal bleeding.

She craned her neck to be able to look up at her hands and she saw the narrow trail of blood that was coming from her left wrist. From these cuffs she had no way of escaping they were made of metal and were tight around her hands. To top it all she was hanging from the ceiling only by her hands so she couldn't really move.

She closed her eyes hopelessly and wished that she could just disappear from there.

* * *

Castle paced his living room floor impatiently. It had already been two hours since he showed Royce the video and he knew it wasn't much time but he couldn't help but wonder what the man could be doing. He wished he could help him. Doing something useful might be good for his nerves.

Five minutes passed by and Castle was on the brim of having a nervous breakdown. His imagination was providing him with the most vivid and colorful versions of what could be happening to her right then and every time his brain came up with a new plot he winced in pain. The skill of being overly creative and imaginative usually counted as a gift for him, something that helped him to be a great writer, but now he hated it more than ever. As the images of her lifeless body hanging from those cuffs, her blood soaking through her clothes, flowing from her stab wounds entered his head he wished he could just switch it off. Squeeze his mental eye shut so he wouldn't have to see his worst fears.

His dark thoughts were interrupted by the thud of the closing front door. His head automatically snapped in that direction and he let out a disappointed sigh when he saw his mother hanging her coat in the wardrobe. He scolded himself instantly as he walked closer to her. What on Earth had he been expecting? He surely didn't believe that Beckett would be walking through that door all fine and unharmed. Neither did he wait for Royce just to show up, unannounced and coming in like he was at home even though Castle wouldn't have been one bit offended if the man's presence meant that there was progress on Beckett's kidnapping…

"Mother?" he finally spoke up when the redhead turned around.

"Hi darling! Sorry for bothering you in…" she paused and looked around with a slightly confused expression, searching for what he had been doing but failing to guess. "…in whatever you've been doing!"

"No, it's uh…fine…" he muttered and followed his mother's eyes around the room. "I'm just surprised to see you here now. I thought you were still asleep...Or already on a meeting or at the drama school." He shrugged, going for nonchalant but his mind was still elsewhere.

Martha stepped closer and narrowed her usually so playful eyes seriously.

"Are you all right, kiddo?" she asked, her motherly side showing. Rick nodded but didn't meet her eyes, he had always hated lying straight in the eyes of his mother.

"Yes, I'm just having a brainstorm..." he said then chuckled at his unintentional pun about his most famous character.

"Very funny..." his mother smiled sarcastically but she was still eyeing him with concern. "Something's bothering you my dear, I can tell... So what is it?" she asked and even though Castle tried to back away and escape from her questions he couldn't get away from her, she was standing right in front of him, raising an eyebrow at him.

"It's nothing Mother... I'm fine!" he said, averting his eyes and looking down on the rug.

"Come on Richard." Martha smiled at him knowingly. "Is this about a girl?" she asked and his jaw instantly hit the floor.

"What? Who..? How.." he stammered with wide eyes. His mother's smile spread on her face, her eyes sparkling as she bent down to get something from between the cushions of the armchair. She straightened after a moment with a scarf in her hand.

"This is a woman's scarf. But it's neither Alexis's nor mine. So I'm guessing you had a lady guest last night, am I right?" she asked in an amused tone.

Castle couldn't do anything but nod, his stomach clenching painfully as the images of last night reappeared in his head. How far away it seemed now. He remembered the frenzied way they stumbled into his bedroom, throwing their clothes across the room and tossing them to the floor. Apparently her scarf ended up on the armchair.

He reached for the scarf, his fists closing around the smooth material easily.

"What's wrong then, my dear? Did you regret it?" Martha asked.

"No! Of course not..." he protested heatedly. Regret it! How could he regret the best night of his life? "No, it was amazing... She's breathtaking... It's just..." he muttered but pursed his lips together instead of finishing. It was too difficult. Too hurtful to think about her.

"Richard darling, are you in love?" his mother asked and Castle's breath hitched in his throat.

"What?" he croaked.

"I've only seen you this troubled when a woman who you really care about was in question..." Martha shrugged and pulled her son with herself to sit on the couch.

"It's truly difficult, Mother." he sighed and the redhead patted his knee in an effort to console him.

"It always is kiddo! It always is..." she told him and they fell into a comfortable silence.

Castle didn't know if she waited for him to tell her the story or if she was already immersed in her own memories. But her question got stuck in his mind. Was he in love? His heart sped up as he mulled it over. Was he in love with her? And exactly how was he supposed to know if he were...? Did this unbearable pain in his chest, the constant worry mean that he was in love with her? Or the sparkle of excitement and contentment when he woke up in the middle of the night and she snuggled into him? Or maybe the flaring passion and need that ruled their night?

He didn't know, but he was sure that he was feeling things he had never felt before in his life. Emotions so strong that they scared him.

Was he really in love with Beckett?

It was nonsense, he barely even knew her. He didn't even know her first name for God's sake! Yet his feelings for her were more intense than those for some of his girlfriends in the past. She was so captivating and intriguing and absolutely gorgeous. With this combo he stood no chance. He was a goner before he could think it over.

No matter how ridiculous that sounded even to his own ears, he had to admit that he had fallen in love with this mysterious, strong, independent, stunning woman.

The realization should have surprised him, but it didn't. Castle supposed that he had known it all along, he knew there was something special between them. A connection that he instantly felt and now he could name it. It was love at first sight… At least for him.

He buried his face in his hands as he let out a long exhale. He couldn't lose her. He stayed like that for a long time, not moving even when he felt his mother's hand on his shoulder and her voice telling him that she would go up to her room to change. He didn't react to her suggestion about lunch either he just squeezed his eyes shut, trying to slow the thoughts racing through his brain to blunt his headache.

He somehow worked himself into a worried state of half sleep in which he was just on the edge of unconsciousness. That was when the shrill sound of his ringing cell made him stir. He startled and looked around wildly, spotting his mother sitting at the kitchen counter and a mug of steaming coffee in front of him on the coffee table. Martha must have made that for him. Just next to the mug was his phone and Castle reached for it with light speed when he saw the caller ID.

"Royce?" he answered it, now sitting straight on the couch. "Did you find anything?" he asked, lowering his voice in the middle of the question when he realized that his mother was still sitting in earshot. He slowly got up from the couch and grabbed the handle of the mug.

"Yes I did." the man answered, not beating around the bush with greetings or small talk. Castle took a sip of his coffee while taking a few steps towards his study, away from his mother. "I could trace the phone from which you got the text back to a man named Aidan Rowling. He was the one who purchased it and even though the phone didn't have any GPS in it I was able to get the IP address through which he uploaded the video. I could narrow it down to two blocks but around that area there are mostly warehouses and empty lofts so it won't be too hard to search them."

"I'm coming with you!" Castle stated, not giving Royce the opportunity to argue.

"Yeah, I figured..." the man muttered and it was clear that he wasn't impressed with the idea of Castle searching through houses to find a bunch of armed attackers.

"I want to help! I _need_ to help... I can't bear sitting around and waiting any longer!" Castle told him, not even bothering to cover how desperate he was.

"Okay, I'll pick you up in ten minutes. I won't play chauffeur and wait in front of the building so meet me at the corner. Look for a dark blue sedan." Royce said then hung up.

Castle put his phone into the pocket of his jeans and quickly drank the remains of his coffee. Then he strode out into the kitchen and put his mug in the sink.

"I'm going out Mother! I'm not sure when I'll be back but you have a key so you can let yourself out..." he told Martha, who was still sitting on a barstool, reading a magazine.

"Look at you, all excited and bubbling with energy when only a few minutes ago you were on the verge of depression!" she said, gesturing at him while looking him up and down theatrically. "What's with the sudden change of mood, my dear?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "Good call then, I guess?" she teased him.

"Yeah, sort of..." he murmured, walking past her and pressing a kiss into her hair. "See you Mother!"

"Bye darling!" she called after him as Castle grabbed his jacket and made his way out of the apartment. He could see in her eyes and hear in her voice that his mother was dying to know what was happening but no matter how he wished he could tell all about Beckett to her, he couldn't. Not just because of how they met or who Beckett was, but because now it might be dangerous for Martha to know. No, the last thing Rick needed was his family to get into this mess as well.

He took the elevator and was out of the building in two minutes. Castle looked around, searching for Royce even though he knew he was early, the man probably wasn't there yet. He turned towards the corner and started walking, eyes fixed on the street, looking for a dark blue sedan.

As he passed the small alleyway from where Beckett had been taken he automatically glanced in and his stomach turned as he remembered what happened that morning. He almost waited for her to be there, for the whole scenario to play again in front of him... But the alley stayed empty and dim. Nobody was there now and nothing seemed out of place. For a simple passer by, nothing would tell that an unconscious woman had been thrown into a car there only a few hours ago just after fighting and almost defeating three men.

Castle swallowed and kept walking briskly. He got to the intersection and let his eyes wander down the busy road. No blue sedan anywhere. He sighed and stopped, only to start pacing nervously after a couple of moments. He checked his phone every half minutes but only the time passed. No calls or texts. Castle was starting to have the suspicion that Royce had stood him up when his cell finally beeped, signaling a new message.

'The other corner, smartass!'

He glanced up with narrowed eyes and sure enough noticed the blue car parked a few blocks down the street at the less busy side of the building. He started walking towards it, passing the front door of his building and waving awkwardly to the doorman. As he approached he recognized the car as an older Volvo model.

He crossed the street and quickly got in, smiling briefly at Royce.

"Did you really think I was going to park there where anybody who might be watching could see us? It would be the first thing they noticed..." Royce said instead of greeting and Castle felt a bit flushed because of how green he seemed for not knowing that.

"Sorry." he murmured while buckling his seatbelt.

"It's all right, kid. You just started to learn..." Royce said amusedly while he drove but somehow this didn't make Castle feel any better.

"Where are we going?" he asked to change the subject.

"A rather ran down area in Bronx." Royce answered as they turned right.

They were quiet for a few minutes, Royce concentrating on traffic and Castle looking out the window and thinking about how on Earth had he landed in this crap. He was never the perfect guy, he often got into all sorts of trouble even when he was younger. But he always got _out_ of trouble as well, he was always forgiven easily. Even at school, all it took was a charming grin and puppy eyes full of sorrow and no matter what he did, it was forgotten. Alexis always told him that he should know the limits, that one day he wouldn't be so lucky but he always laughed at her.

Now he was in real trouble and he didn't even know why. What did he do? And to whom? These questions drove him crazy. And the fact that Beckett was taken and probably tortured because of him made it even worse. It made him hate himself which he never did. He had done some stupid things, he had hurt people and used people but never once did he truly hate himself for it. Then again, it never really had consequences like this.

"Do you have a gun?" Royce's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"What?" he asked back, blinking a few and seeing that they were waiting at a red light.

"A gun, a weapon... Do you have one?" Royce asked, his voice slightly irritated.

"No, I... I don't have a gun." Castle said, thinking about the laser tag weapons that they used with Alexis. He had a feeling Royce didn't count that as a gun.

"Can you handle one?" the man asked as he stepped on the gas.

"Yes!" Castle nodded with a proud grin. He learned how to fire a gun for his very first Derrick Storm novel. His mother told him it was silly but he said it was research and he knew it would come in handy one day.

"Good. You find a Glock in the bag on the back seat, take it. But be careful, you're my only backup!"

Castle turned in his seat and saw the black bag Royce was talking about. He reached for it and pulled it into his lap. His eyes widened when he pulled the zipper open and revealed four different guns, ropes and cuffs, a screwdriver and some sort of scissors.

"We might need some tools. It's better to be prepared..." Royce said, sensing his shock.

"Sure." Castle muttered, grabbing one of the guns and zipping the bag again. He arched off his seat in order to push the weapon into the waistband of his jeans and sat back with a soft huff. He squirmed for a few seconds then accepted that it was uncomfortable and it would stay that way.

"We're almost there." Royce announced, his voice stern and calm. "We're going to stop in another street so we won't be suspicious."

"Okay." Castle nodded, not quite knowing what he should do once they arrived. He didn't want Royce to think that he was so clueless.

He undid his seatbelt and watched as the houses went by slower and slower. Royce turned into a narrow street where Castle could see three more cars parked. The car stopped and after fumbling with the handle of the bag, a slightly red headed Castle got out.

"Let's go!" said Royce with a roll of his eyes and it reminded Castle so much of Beckett that it hurt.

They crossed the street and Castle noticed from the corner of his eye how the other man pulled on his hood. He didn't have one but he turned his face downwards as much as he could, blinking at his surroundings from under his eyelashes. The neighborhood didn't look welcoming at all, but he didn't expect too much. Tall buildings made of all concrete, everything dull and gray. A few blocks down he could see a corner shop with a red sign above the entrance. They turned right and Castle almost bumped into Royce who stopped in front of him.

"What now?" he asked, peering above the man's shoulder.

"We go up!" Royce said and nodded at the fire escape in front of him. Then without any more word he started to climb and only stopped to cast an urging glance back at Castle. Rick slung the handle of the bag over his shoulder and started his way up as well.

Once on the roof Royce didn't even wait for him, he started to walk quickly from one edge to the other, looking down and at the blocks next to them. Castle stood wordlessly, just watching and trying to figure out what he was searching for. A minute later Royce walked back to him and reached for the bag, then he rummaged through it for a bit and pulled out a machine that looked like a remote control.

"What are you doing?" Castle asked, now following Royce as he walked to the edge again.

"I want to check for signs of humans in the buildings. Heat or sounds. It would be too long to look through all the houses here and it may be suspicious too… This way hopefully we can see in which there are people." He replied and kneeled at the edge, poising the machine on the ground so it was pointing at the building across them. He reached into the bag again and got out two funnels and put them beside the machine.

Castle just watched in awe as the other man pressed a couple of buttons and turned some kind of a switch on either funnel before hitting start and watching the small monitor on the control panel.

They stayed quiet for a few minutes then Royce sighed and barely visibly shook his head. He repeated it with all four sides of the building and Castle was rather disappointed to see that neither of them worked. Every time Royce shook his head and when he was done he motioned to the fire escape again.

"What now?" Castle asked a bit shyly.

"Another building. Can't always get lucky for the first time… It's still much faster than searching through every house." Royce said matter of factly and Castle repressed the worry that nagged at his brain, telling him that what they were doing was useless. Royce knew what he was doing after all…

But when they descended the third building Castle was starting to get impatient. They were there for almost fifteen minutes now but still they've got no success. They were still at step one.

He waited for Royce to start climbing again when he noticed a metallic flash not so far.

"Hey! Royce!" he whisper yelled, not quite sure if he could talk loudly.

The man looked back and he pointed in the direction of the flash with his finger. Now he could see that it was a car, half covered with a dirty sheet. Even from the other side of the street he was sure that it was the same dark van. There was just no way that there were two so resembling vans in this area… No, they had too many troubled so far, this one time they had to be lucky!

"What?" he heard Royce's voice from right beside him, and that was when he realized that the man was on the ground next to him again.

"The car. It's the same that took her… I recognize it from this morning!" Castle told him, not taking his eyes off the van.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Castle nodded then turned to Royce with serene eyes. "Yes, I'm sure!" he said again to assure both of them.

He could see the change in Royce's eyes and he had a feeling his own expression might have changed the same way. From hopeless and tired they both turned concentrated and determined. They were so close to finding her and they knew that she only had them. Her only chance and hope were them.

"Let's go!" Royce said after a second, breaking eye contact and moving towards the narrow street in which the van was parked. Castle didn't need a second calling, he rushed after him instantly all the while sending mental messages to Beckett. _Please hang on, we're coming!_

**So what do you think guys? I really hope you liked it and I can't wait to hear from you! Reviews and you guys are my inspiration so please leave me a few words! Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Next chapter, as always, in a week! Until then, xxx**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews and alerts on last chapter! It's always nice to know where you stand with the story and I'm beyond happy to know that you like it! Thanks as well to those of you who left anonymus reviews, your words mean a lot to me! :)  
I really hope you will enjoy the new chapter as well! **

_Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Castle…_

_Chapter 18_

They approached the door on the side of the building and Castle constantly felt that they were too slow. He just wanted to run there, break that door down and search for her until he could hold her in the safety of his arms. But the rational part of his mind knew that he had to follow Royce and do just as the other man ordered. Royce had more experience than him and Beckett trusted him.

The door was slightly open and Castle raised an eyebrow at his companion but Royce just shrugged.

Just before Rick could reach for the door Royce stopped him with a firm hand on his arm.

"You should stay out here. It's much safer." he told him in a low voice.

"No way. I'm going in! I can protect myself, I have a gun!" he argued wildly and took another step towards the door.

"You can stand guard outside." Royce offered but he already seen that no reason would convince Castle.

"I'm coming with you!" Castle stated and pulled the door open.

"Okay, but you do exactly as I tell you. Understood? _Exactly!"_ Royce whispered after him as he stepped into the doorway as well.

It led into a dark corridor with only one ancient, dirty lamp lighting it. They walked carefully, almost tiptoeing along the walls until they reached a door. Castle was about to open it when Royce pushed his hand away and glared at him annoyedly. He didn't say a word just pointed at himself and Castle understood that he wanted to check what's inside first.

They both held their breath as Royce pressed down on the handle. The door creaked softly and Castle pursed his lips worriedly. Royce peeked inside then breathed out in relief as he pulled his head back.

"Storage room." he mouthed and went on with Castle on his heels.

The next door was on their left and it was closed. The corridor curved to the right and Castle saw some more light coming from the other part of the corridor. Royce pressed his shoulder against the wall, sliding against it as he approached and Castle decided to copy the man's movements.

There was a corner and when Royce looked around it he instantly pulled back and motioned for Castle to stop. Then he crept forward and as Castle peered around the corner he saw a guard standing with his back to them. Royce moved swiftly and in absolute silence, hitting the man on the back of his head with a force that made him fall unconsciously to the ground. Royce waved to Castle and he rushed to his side, heart beating rapidly in his chest.

"We must be close now..." Royce murmured, searching the guard for weapons then handing Castle two guns. "In the bag!" he added when Castle stared at them confusedly. He also found a set of keys which he put into his pocket then they moved on.

Adrenaline was freshly racing through Rick's veins and after realizing that without Royce he would probably be dead right then he paid full attention to the man, forgetting any impatience he had and every fleeting idea about playing the hero and saving Beckett by himself. The thought of her made him nervous again and he felt a tug in his chest. A longing to see her smile, hear her voice, stare deeply into her eyes and be able to tell her how he felt. He knew that she wouldn't reciprocate his emotions, she couldn't, that wouldn't be like her at all. She was different, she was gorgeous. She could get any man she wanted, why would she care for him? He was just a pathetic guy who fell for her the moment he first saw the sparkling of her eyes. She was way out of his league but still he drove himself into some sort of a false hope. Maybe, maybe she had some feelings for him. She didn't kill him after all. She came to his apartment last night... Maybe she was just lonely and hurt, but Castle liked the idea that maybe she had felt that strange twinge in her stomach as well. He liked that idea way too much to admit.

Soon they spotted two more guards standing in front of a door and they followed their previous actions. Castle stayed back and Royce knocked them out. Then they took their weapons and left them on the floor.

Castle stared at the room and just felt it. He felt that she was in there. Why else would they be guarding that door? He was sure that Beckett was inside.

He swallowed hard, sensing how dry his throat was suddenly. What would they find when they entered? Her corpse? Her beaten up body? An almost unrecognizable, broken form hanging from the ceiling? He didn't dare thinking about the various options. A shudder ran through him as he quickly chased away all the negative thoughts, only focusing on her as healthy and excited and passionate and happy. He kept the image of the gentle smile she had on her face, the pure bliss that shone from her eyes just before they fell asleep, tangled together.

His hand started for the handle but paused in the air when he realized that Royce should go first. He glanced at the other man who was still searching the guards and their eyes met. Royce had the same thoughts as him but instead of stopping him, he just nodded, signing to him to go on.

Castle sent him a grateful glance then as a precaution he reached for the Glock at the small of his back and pulled it out. He pressed down on the handle, slowly opening the door to reveal a small room without any window. He lost any sense of caution as soon as he spotted the motionless form hanging in the middle of the room. His mind was spinning and he was close to fainting as he entered. He ran to her side, dropping the gun as he reached up to touch her.

"Castle?" he heard her weak voice and he felt relief flooding his system. She was alive! Clearly badly hurt, but alive...

"Yes, I'm here... It's going to be all right." he promised her as he assessed her position. She was a few feet above the ground, her wrists all white from the cuffs. She had a black eye and many cuts and bruises on her face and arms. Her hands were fisted and he could see that her jaw was tense as she forced her eyes to open.

"You shouldn't have come! It's dangerous." she croaked and he rolled his eyes.

"Of course I came." he told her gently while walking around her to check for other injuries.

"How did you find me?" she asked, trying to dismiss the unnerving thought that a few hours ago her captor was circling her just like that. Or was it a few days ago? She didn't know, she completely lost her sense of time.

"I had some help..." he started with a half smile, feeling much lighter now that he was with her. It didn't matter that they were still in this shady building with little chance of escaping since she probably couldn't even walk on her own, his relief at seeing her made the reality fade.

"You called the cops?" she asked with wide eyes, her voice a bit panicky again.

"No, of course not." he shook his head, coming in front of her again and shooting her a disappointed look. "Do you really think I'm that insensible?"

She couldn't help but smile at his face and she groaned as the movement made the bruise on her cheek ache.

"What's wrong?" he asked instantly, reaching up and wiping some blood from her forehead.

"Nothing..." she murmured and for a second she forgot where she was, how every cell in her body screamed from pain, that both of them will probably die soon and just leaned her head into his palm. In that moment as their eyes met, his tender blue eyes staring up at her, Kate felt safe and happy and loved.

All she wanted to do was lean down and kiss him, but she realized she was unable to do because of her situation. As she reminded herself where they were a little noise sounded from the corridor. It snapped her senses back to place, her mind a bit still numb but she pushed the pain to the back of it, concentrating on the task of getting Castle out of here.

"Who helped you then?" she asked quickly while turning her wrists from side to side.

He didn't have time to answer though because the door opened a second time and Kate looked up to see the last person she expected there.

"Royce?" she whispered in shock.

"Hey Kid, how're you feelin'?" he asked affectionately, but his eyes were full of concern as he approached them.

"Like crap. What are you doing here, Royce?" she looked questioningly at Castle who was still eyeing her gently.

"I'm here to get you out of here!" Royce said with a smile.

"But how...?"

"Your knight in shining armour surprised me with a call that you were in trouble and I flew to help..." Royce said and his familiar, humorous tone made the situation feel less hopeless than it was.

"How did you two know each other?" she asked, looking from one man to the other.

"We don't." Castle spoke up. "I found your phone in the alley and..."

"In the alley?" she interrupted him hoarsely.

"Yeah... I saw as they took you. Look I'm so sorry, I know I should have gone to help you but I was frozen to the spot. I was so shocked and so scared and I didn't know what..." he started rambling and he felt like a complete idiot as he looked up at her with pleading eyes.

"No, no... Castle, it' fine! It's all right. I wouldn't have wanted you to get anywhere near those guys. I wouldn't have wanted you to see it either!" she cut him off again, wishing nothing more than to be able to reach out and cup his face right then.

"No, it's not." he muttered full of guilt and self hatred.

"Castle! Look at me!" she said, mustering up as much confidence and strength as she could and waited until he turned his eyes at her. "If you came there, we would probably both be dead by now. Like this you could come to rescue me... So, what was that with finding my phone?" she reminded him of his previous reply.

"I...uh, after they... Took you." he swallowed before continuing "I went into the alley and found your phone. I know it's not a nice thing to do but I unlocked the screen and saw that you've been writing a text, asking for help. I called the recipient and Royce picked it up. Without him, I couldn't have found you..." he admitted shyly.

"Yes, just like he said." Royce stated, breaking the brief silence. "Now, let's get you out of here!"

"It's not possible unless you have a key. I've tried, believe me..." Kate said, trying to turn her wrist in the cuff again but only ending up with a throbbing pain in her hurt shoulder.

"Well maybe I have!" Royce said, fishing the bunch of keys that he took from the first guard out of his pocket.

Beckett's face lit up as she saw them, hope fluttering in her chest as Royce came closer, observing the many keys on the keychain.

"Why does one man carry so many keys?" Castle whined as minutes passed by.

"I don't know Castle, he has a lot of locked places..." Royce muttered, not even looking up from the keys.

"Doesn't these men have those lock picking thingies?" Castle asked, gesturing in air, doing a little twisting move with his hands.

"Look, I have a lock pick as well but I don't break into my own apartment..." Kate spoke up, her voice soft and soothing. She didn't know how she still had the energy to keep her eyes open, let alone to talk and try to calm Castle down when before they came she was just on the verge of unconsciousness. But now that she saw them she wanted to get free and live more than ever.

"Maybe this..." Royce found a small silver key and reached up to try it into the cuff. Kate held her breath and they all listened to the metallic sound as Royce searched for the keyhole. The key finally clicked into the hole and Kate braced herself the best she could in case she fell down to the ground. She could see Castle moving forward and extending his arms around her waist to catch her.

Royce attempted to turn the key but it didn't open the lock.

"Not this one." he sighed angrily.

Kate exhaled slowly and tried not to give in to the overwhelming disappointment that hit her. She turned her eyes at Castle who was staring at her without blinking, taking her in with adoration mixed with worry. Surprisingly she felt herself blush and she smiled weakly at him.

Royce tried four more small keys and every time they thought he found the one Kate's heart quickened. But none of the keys opened the cuffs and Kate wanted to cry as Royce looked up at her apologetically.

"Sorry Kid, that jackass didn't have the key..." he said.

"It's fine. Not even surprising, really..." she murmured, barely audible because of exhaustion.

"Do you have a bobby pin?" Castle asked after a moment of silence.

"No, but I don't think you could open these with simple hairpins..." Kate answered, suddenly feeling all the pain that seemed to fade coming back again.

Their conversation was interrupted by Royce's shushing tone and they both looked at the man. He was leaning close to the door like he heard something from the corridor.

"I think they found out that we're here. We need to act quickly!" he announced and Kate's stomach twisted in panic.

"No, you need to get out of here! Don't worry about me but if you stay now we will all be captured and dead by night." she said desperately.

"No, Beckett we won't leave you here!" Castle protested and he had a stubborn expression on his face.

"Royce?" she looked at her former trainer for some help but he swayed his head as well.

"He's right. We shouldn't leave without you. This is our last chance to free you!" he told her and the words made her shudder. "They will be here soon, Castle step back!" Royce said and pulled out his gun.

"No! What are you doing?" Rick glared at him like Royce was insane and stepped in front of her to protect her.

"Don't be stupid! I'm going to shoot the chain." he explained but Castle still didn't move away, instead he extended his arms again, waiting to catch her.

"Castle..." Beckett warned him, but he had already made up his mind.

"Fine." Royce huffed in annoyance. "You ready?" he asked and when both nodded he aimed and pulled the trigger twice.

Kate felt like the ground has been pulled out from beneath her. She fell and fell through air and what she knew that in reality was only a few feet felt like miles. The gunshot still echoed in her head and she resisted the urge to squeak. Then just as quickly as it started her fall was over and she was caught by two strong arms around her middle before she could hit the ground. She was grateful for it because she knew she would have collapsed to the floor if they weren't there to keep her upright. Her hands were still in the cuffs but now she could move her shoulders which burnt from the pain. As Castle slowly let her down to the ground, still hugging her tightly to himself, her arms somehow ended up around his neck.

They were standing there, toe to toe, nose to nose, staring into each other's eyes and Kate couldn't help it, with the last of her strength she leaned up and pressed her lips against his in a crushing kiss.

His pulled her flush against him and his tongue invaded her mouth. His lips were desperate at first but then they slowed down and the kiss became soft and sensual. It was sweet, tender and so full of unspoken feelings that Kate felt tears well up behind her closed eyelids. Because she could feel that with every slide of his tongue, every move of his lips he tried to tell her that he loved her. A love that she didn't deserve, a love that came completely unexpected in the worst timing, a love that she couldn't accept because it would be too dangerous for him, a love that could never bloom no matter how hard she wished. A love that she couldn't admit she felt too.

So she just clung to him, breathing his scent in deeply to engrave it in her memory and letting the kiss communicate all that couldn't be said.

A discreet cough from Royce reminded her of where they were and she reluctantly pulled back, their lips separating with a few last pecks. She opened her eyes to find his sparkling crystal blues staring at her face and she let a smile play on her lips before she collected her strength again and lifted her arms to be able to untangle herself from him. Just as she was about to take a step back she felt dizzy and her legs gave away under her. She would have collapsed on the floor if it hadn't been for Castle catching her again.

"Wooah, easy there!" he murmured to her as he slipped his hands protectively under her elbows.

"We don't have much time." Royce whispered from the door, eyeing them with a wrinkle between his eyebrows. "Probably not as much as we need with Beckett unable to walk..." he continued and before she could protest he added. "No, you can't. But it's fine, we'll get you out of here..." he assured her.

"So what do we do?" Castle asked, ready to do anything to save Beckett from any more harm.

"We'll split." Royce said after a second.

"No!" Beckett argued but the man silenced her with one look.

"We'll split. Castle you are going to go and distract the men while we leave the building. You will have to lure them away from this corridor so I think the best is if you go back to the street the way we came in and make a mess out there... Do you think you can do that?" Royce asked and Castle nodded obediently.

Even though he didn't like the idea of loosing sight of Beckett even for a moment he knew that her chances were better with Royce. He would get her out of here.

"Take the bag, there might be some useful things for you in it!" Royce said, grabbing the handle of the bag they had been carrying around. "We only need this..." he tucked his gun into his waist band then reached into the bag. "And this." he pulled a thick rope out and put it on his shoulder. "Now come on, we've got to get a move on!" he said and quickly walked to the pair.

Castle took the bag from him then helped him to lift Beckett into his arms. With the cuffs still holding her wrists together she formed an 'o' with her arms and put them around Royce's neck, just like a minute ago with Castle.

Rick felt weird and an unwelcome, blunt wave of jealousy washed over him at seeing her so close to another man but he fought it off.

He stepped closer to them once more and as she turned her face towards him he brushed his lips against hers. It was only a second before it was over and he stepped back, eyes still fixed on her.

"You ready?" Royce asked, shifting Beckett in his arms so he would be able to run easily. "We're going to need one hell of a mess out there. And if they appear, get lost okay? Get as far away from here as possible!"

"What? What about you?" Castle asked, startled and he finally broke his eyes away from Beckett.

"We will do the same..." Royce said and suddenly Rick understood. This wasn't a team game, this was real life and everyone must run for their own lives. He might not see them ever again. His throat closed up and he turned back to say something but Royce was already focused on the corridor. "Go, now!" he pushed Castle towards the door and he had no other choice than to exit. He glanced back once more, his eyes searching for Beckett who was clinging to the other man's neck, trying her best not to be too much of a burden for him. Her eyes were on Castle though. Her wide, worried, green eyes sparkling like diamonds and it broke his heart to leave her there. But he knew he was doing the best for her so he locked this image up next to the thousand others he had of her and started running towards the exit.

**And this was it! What do you think? I'm really looking forward to hearing your opinion about it so pretty please leave me a review! You must know that your support means the world to me! :)  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing!  
Just wanted to tell you that this story is slowly coming to an end, so there will be about three more chapters (give or take a few) plus an epilogue and then it's finished!  
Next chapter, as always, will be up in a week! Until then, xxx**

**PS.: Happy 'Still' Monday to everybody! :) For those of you who haven't seen it yet: It is going to be AWESOME!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback on last chapter! I'm incredibly grateful for your reviews and alerts and it's making me crazy happy to know that you like this story.  
Now, I had a really hard time writing this chapter but here it is, and I truly hope will like it! :)**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Castle._

_Chapter 19_

All he had in mind was her. Her best chance was if he succeeded in distracting the other attackers. He didn't know how many of them were but he knew they couldn't realize that he was alone. Royce needed time to escape with her.

He managed to get out to the street, somehow avoiding the corridor they used to get in and he only heard the guards searching the rooms and corridors. He burst out onto the street and looked around. Distraction, he needed something to distract them.

His eyes were drawn to the sheet that covered the van parked at the side of the alleyway. He paused to think it over then jogged to the car and tugged at the sheet until it was on the ground. Then he pulled the zip of the bag open with trembling fingers. He kneeled down and dropping the bag on the ground he started rummaging through it.

"Shit!" he hissed as a screwdriver scraped his thumb.

He finally found a trench and he stood up, stepping to the windshield of the car purposefully. He raised the tool and stroke down on the glass with full force.

A creak ran over the length of the window then it spread into smaller creaks. Castle hit again with gritted teeth and the typical clattering sound of breaking glass erupted in the alley. Castle didn't stop though, he hit every one of the windows and mirrors like a maniac and then threw the trench to the ground and ran back to the bag. He pulled out a gun and started to fire at the van. With a sudden decision he shot the first two tires and the loud bang made him jump. He never knew that it was really that loud...

He heard voices coming from the building and his heart started racing. It was working but it wasn't enough yet so he took a deep breath and raised the gun in eye level. He aimed at the engine cover and pulled the trigger five times in a row. He felt the gun kick back but he held tight, fixing his eyes on the bullet holes. If only he knew where went the various tubes with petrol.

He reached for another gun in the bag when he emptied the previous and continued to shoot at the car. He heard the approaching steps and shot again, his stomach clenched tight from fear.

He had been waiting for the explosion, it was his goal but he didn't expect it to be so powerful. The car burst into flames and the force of the explosion threw Castle back on the ground. He was panting as he shielded his face with his arm against the hot and the pieces of metal that were falling from the air.

"What the hell?" he heard from the door and he tried to crawl backwards, unnoticed by the men who appeared in the doorway. They yelled and sprinted to the van and Castle managed to back away until he could hide behind a dumpster. "Where is he?" he heard the feared question and he held his breath, praying to God that they wouldn't find him.

* * *

Meanwhile Royce and Kate left the room as well. Royce jogged quickly to a door on the end of the corridor and as he hoped, it led them to the back stairs.

"You okay?" he asked Kate, looking down at her while closing the door.

"Yeah, just... I'm worried about Castle." she admitted.

"He's a big boy, he can take care of himself." Royce told her and looked around, searching for another exit. The stairs only went up because they were on the ground floor but he guessed there must be a door somewhere, leading to the street.

They heard a huge bang and Kate gasped, tightening her arms around Royce's neck.

"What the hell was that?" she asked and frowned when she noticed the small smirk on the man's face.

"I'm pretty sure he blew up the van..." Royce said.

"Which van?"

"The one they brought you in!" he clarified as he walked around in the small space but much to his disappointment there was no other exit, only the one through which they came in.

They heard steps and shouts then suddenly somebody was approaching the door to the stairs.

"Damn, what the hell?" Royce growled, pulling out his gun and starting to climb the stairs. "Hold on tightly!" he ordered and Kate did so.

They were on the second floor when the door opened and they heard footsteps. Royce inched closer to the wall as he continued upwards with a frown on his face. Kate knew that something was off too, there weren't enough footsteps. Royce dared a peek down at the next landing and Kate leaned out to get a glimpse as well. Their suspicions proved to be right when they only saw three men on the stairs after them.

"Shit, they split as well…" he whispered to Beckett and quickened his steps. She wasn't too heavy but still he had to strain his muscles to keep up a fast pace. They both knew that they couldn't get into a gunfight though. They only had one gun and with Kate in Royce's arms he was limited. He might be able to shoot but jumping away from bullets would be just too hard. Also Kate knew that he wouldn't risk her life like that. She would most probably get shot if they got into a fight. And she was too weak to run on her own so putting her down was not an option for him either. Their only chance was the roof now. Because although Royce hoped they could find an easy exit at the back stairs he had a plan B as well, Kate was sure of that. She knew him well enough to trust him with having a backup plan.

Another explosion sounded and Kate gasped and fisted her hands behind Royce's neck. Her heart was thumping fast as she tried not to think about what Castle might be doing. She was more worried for him than she would have liked to admit and she knew it was no good. She knew she cared far too much for him but she couldn't help it. She just hated that she was so helpless, just hanging on Royce, slowing him down and making his chances worse.

They had another more floor to go to get to the roof and the steps of their chasers sounded closer and closer.

"Leave me here!" Kate whispered in a defeated tone.

"No! No way I'm leaving without you!" Royce argued determinedly.

"You have a far better chance if you go alone. I'm the one they want, not you…" she reasoned with him but he only tightened his arms around her.

"I'm not leaving you here, Kid! Do you think I risked so much only to leave you at the last moment?" he muttered, getting angry with her for even thinking like that. "Besides, Castle would kill me if I didn't get you out..." he added.

Kate closed her eyes as the writer came into her mind again. She couldn't keep him out of her head even though she knew it would be better. Because they couldn't meet again, she had caused him enough pain and trouble already. She knew that what they had couldn't work. It was beautiful and overwhelming and passionate and she had never felt anything like that before but it wasn't something that they could keep doing. _They _couldn't work. Because they lived in so different worlds. Her world was too dangerous for him, what was happening right then was the perfect example of that. He should have never gotten messed up in this world, he shouldn't be there in the first place. And if she wanted to protect him the best she could do was cut every contact with him and never speak to him ever again. That way he would hopefully learn his lesson and stay out of trouble.

It would hurt, hurt more than any of her previous break ups but she could do it. She had already decided. She wouldn't even reach him after this, and maybe he would think she died. Then he would move on...

She would hide, she was good at that. Deception, camouflage, murder. All right up her street. She hated it, she detested it with her whole heart and was disgusted by it now that she had a glimpse of what it could be like to have a normal life, a normal relationship. She wished she could have it, have him and the love they shared. But she was too deep in this dark world where love was a weakness and she cared about him too much to drag him with herself.

They finally reached the roof, Royce gasping for air as he closed the door after them. Kate watched as he looked around wildly for something to block the doorway.

"Put me down!" she told him, knowing that he was much quicker like that. "I can stand!" she said stubbornly when he looked at her with doubt in his eyes.

"I've seen you downstairs… Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can handle it… Put me down!" she said heatedly, hating to feel every bit like a three year old.

She felt his grip loosen around her as Royce lowered her to the ground until it was only her arm around his neck that kept her hanging on him. She lifted her hands and felt the rooftop beneath her feet. She gritted her teeth and pushed all the pain that came rushing through her body to the back of her mind.

"Go!" she encouraged Royce when he stayed there for a second longer, waiting to see if she needed him to catch her. She watched as he rushed to the door and bent down, picking up some small object that he wanted to use to hinder the door's opening.

She felt the throbbing pain in her stomach get the better of her and she reached out, feeling for the railing behind her to hold onto. Her fingers curled around the cold metal and she sucked in a deep breath. She leaned back and looked over the edge of the roof, searching for any clue that might tell her what happened to Castle and her eyes soon found heavy smoke coming from the alley to her left. She let go of the railing and took a few steps in that direction until she was able to see what was there.

First she saw the flames, dark orange and high, consuming what must have been a car only an hour ago. Then she saw bodies around the fire. Four bodies just laying there and her heart clenched in panic. She couldn't recognize any of them, they were too far but the thought that one of them may be Castle was unbearable.

She was brought back to reality by a loud crack and a thud followed by cries. She spun around and saw Royce on the ground, raising his gun and a man towering above him while two others came through the now open door. Royce pulled the trigger and the bullet hit his target straight in the chest. Royce rolled away before the man collapsed on him but the other two were already closing up on him, pulling out guns.

"No!" she screamed which got the attention of the man in front of Royce and that gave him a chance to take him down with a kick. His gun fell to the ground, sliding across the roof and landing only a couple of feet away from Kate. Until then she had been watching, what was in fact barely thirty seconds, feeling like hours for her. The events happening in front of her were like a terrible action movie but she saw that this was her chance to jump in and help. She pushed herself away from the edge and leapt forward, running with her eyes trained on the gun that was laying on the ground. She reached out with her cuffed hands, bending down only to grasp air as the weapon was gone, kicked away roughly. She turned her head and found herself looking at the man who was the source of all this mess. Hunter. He held her eyes for a moment before moving but Kate's reflexes were, despite her injured state, still fast and she moved in time with him. The adrenaline that suddenly invaded her body making her hypersensitive about the things around her but blunting her pain.

He kicked out again, this time aiming for her but she jumped away, landing on her side but never pausing to think about the burning pain that shot through her shoulder. She pushed herself up and looked for the gun but she couldn't search for long because Hunter was beside her in a second and he threw himself at her in an attempt to keep her to the ground. Kate punched him in the nose awkwardly with two hands, but he straddled her legs anyway and his strong hands curled around her neck no matter how hard she tried to get him off her.

As she tossed her head from side to side, desperately trying to get free of his grip she saw Royce not far away, wrestling with the other attacker. He didn't have his gun anymore either but at least he seemed to have the upper hand in the fight.

Her lungs started to ache as she couldn't breathe and she tried to kick Hunter off her. The lack of oxygen started to cloud her mind when she suddenly thought of something new and instead of kicking wildly she wrapped her legs around Hunter's, her ankles crossed at his back and with all her remaining power she pushed herself off the ground and turned them over. He still had his hands around her neck but he lost his balance and Kate was easily able to pull her head away while hitting his arms out with her cuffed hands.

She saw his surprise in his widened eyes at the change of positions but it didn't last long. She only had time to glance around, her eyes finding the gun at the edge of the roof. He hit her with a swing of his right fist and she fell off him with a huff. She finished the fall with a roll and then she pushed herself into a squatting position, looking at Hunter defiantly. The man stood up and took a step to the right and Kate slowly rose to her feet as well. She was closer to the gun now but she knew that if she made the slightest move to get it he would fly at her instantly, attacking her while her attention was divided.

Kate eyed the man, trying to figure out his weak spot. He watched her with a calculating stare, approaching her with slow steps. Kate was forced to move as well and they circled like boxers in a ring. She saw from her peripheral vision that Royce was kneeling on the other man's chest, blowing punches at his face.

Her pulse was loud in her ears and it made her feel disconnected to her other senses. It was like she was in a bubble, fighting to stay upright and conscious. She was dizzy and breathing was hard but she knew she couldn't give up now. She had to fight for Castle's safety. This was the final battle now, if she didn't kill Hunter he would kill her and then she wouldn't be able to protect Castle from whomever Hunter will send for him.

She would never see Castle again, never hear his soft voice, never look into his crystal blue eyes again. This would be the last thing she did for him, Hunter was the last connection she had to him and with killing him she would cut every line between them.

While these ran through her mind she didn't notice Hunter getting dangerously near her again and she only realized it when he jumped forward, grabbing her forearms and kicked her legs out from under her.

"Argh…" she groaned as she felt the ground slip from beneath her and she found herself on her back again. She sucked in deep breaths to ease the pain in her body but he didn't give her time to compose herself. His hands were around her neck again and he lifted her up, her arms hanging uselessly as her eyes widened in fear. She could feel his fingers pressing into her skin, surely leaving ugly purple marks there but it didn't matter. His hands were gripping even harder, so strongly that Kate wondered if he would break her neck before she suffocated. Then he kicked her in the stomach with his knee and she saw white. Her previous pain increased, a hundred times worse now and she was sure this was the end. Her body just couldn't take any more pain. The searing ache that was throbbing in her stomach now invaded her whole body, taking control over her. She didn't even perceive it when he tossed her to the ground. She fell, motionlessly, helplessly like a doll and hit the ground with a gasp. Her back met a wall and a second later she realized she was at the edge of the roof, under the railing.

Black dots were dancing in front of her eyes as she looked up, her hair tousled and hanging into her face as she tried to catch her breath. She squeezed her eyes shut once she felt the new wave of pain ran through her body and she broke eye contact with Hunter. He was regarding her with a satisfied smirk and he stepped forward, ready to give her the final blow but Kate still had something in her, some power that made her refuse to give up. She looked along the wall she was slumped against and saw the gun only a few feet away from her. Hunter noticed it too, but he was too late and too far and by the time he moved Kate was already launching herself at the weapon.

She almost cried out in happiness when her fingers closed around the gun and she didn't hesitate to turn back and aim at the man who paused in mid step. She met his eyes again, her finger on the trigger and time stopped for a moment.

This was it. This was the end and they both knew it. She would pull that trigger and end this dangerous game. Kate recalled how much had happened since he hired her. It seemed like it was only yesterday that she got the mysterious phone call about the new target. She remembered the first time she set eyes on Richard Castle. She remembered the chase, the anger, the frustration, the doubt, the passion. She remembered the party and how desperate she was to end it all while she could. She should have known that it wouldn't end as it was supposed to. Even back then, she was too weak to kill Castle. Or her attraction towards him was too strong. She couldn't decide, but it didn't matter. Not any more. Because this was the end, she would pull the trigger and disappear.

With these thoughts she took a breath and shot. The sound of it echoed through the air and she could see the bulled hitting him like it was slow motion. He jerked and fell backwards, a dark red stain of blood on his shirt spreading just above his heart.

Kate slowly let the gun down and stared at his rigid form. It was over. Really over. Suddenly she became aware of the things around them again. Royce and the other man were still fighting now Royce on the ground, clearly trying to get up but he must have been exhausted by now. His face was bloody and there were several bruises on his arms. They didn't even notice that Hunter was out if the game.

Still gripping the gun she reached up and pulled herself up with the help of the railing. She could barely stand but she saw that Royce needed her help so she took a few wavering steps in that direction before raising the gun again and sending a bullet into the other attacker's shoulder.

The man fell off Royce with a yell, clutching at his shoulder as he looked up, searching for the source of the shot. Royce, using his confusion, hit the man in the back of his head, sending him to the ground unconsciously.

"You all right?" he spun around to face Kate who stood there with the gun still raised, her eyes unfocused and her knees already buckling under her. She fell to the ground, collapsing into a puddle of limbs and hair. "Kate!" she heard his exclaim but she was too weak to answer. She felt his hands under her head as he propped her head up in his lap. "Okay, it's okay…" he murmured as he tucked her hair behind her ear. The pain flowed through her body freely but she knew she couldn't die now. The world was spinning around her and she closed her eyes, willing it to stop before she fainted.

A few minutes passed by before Kate realized they had to leave. Royce was watching her with a worried expression and as soon as she tried to sit up he helped her with a hand at her back. He knew just as well as she did that they couldn't stay there.

They were careful on their way down and Kate was barely conscious as Royce pulled her along the corridors to the exit. She only realized were they were when she smelled the thick smoke around her and heard the sound of flames. She blinked to clear her vision and saw that they were in the alley that she saw from the roof. The van was still on fire and Royce didn't stop to examine the half burned corpses. She didn't need a second glance either to feel the relief flood her system. Castle was not there.

"Now, shall we go look for your boy?" he asked her, his tone a little lighter again as he supported her with his arms under her shoulder.

"No, just let's get the hell out of here!" she said dryly and she knew that Royce understood her decision.

It was over.

**It is not over yet, of course… :)  
What do you think guys? I'm dying to hear what you thought about this chapter, mostly because it was so difficult to write so please write me a review and tell me your opinion about it!  
Thank you all for reading and a huge thanks to those of you who review! I hope you know it means the world to me and it encourages me to keep going!  
Next chapter, well… I have a school trip next week but I hopefully will be able to update before that! Until then, xxx**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback on last chapter! I'm so glad to see that you liked it! Also I just realized that this story has more than a hundred reviews and I was over the moon! I can not believe it! Thanks to all of you who reviewed! You guys are the best and I don't know what I would do without you! :)  
Now, here is the new chapter, I hope you will like it!  
**

_ Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Castle_

_Chapter 20_

Castle sat, slumped against the back of the seat on the metro. The car was bouncing, people stumbling and stepping on each other's foot then apologizing but he didn't even notice it. He only saw the dirty floor of the metro under his own feet. He felt numb, spent, lost.

His shirt and jeans were stained and messy and he could feel a sting on his left cheek. After he hid behind the dumpsters he heard the men assess the situation and start to look around and just as he was sure they would find him he heard a second explosion. Much bigger and more powerful than the first and he heard the yells from the men. He felt the dumpster move as well, pressing against his back forcefully, almost pushing him flush against the wall. After that it was silent, apart from the soft pops from the fire and sounds of stuff hitting the ground he couldn't hear a thing.

He waited a few more moments before daring to peer around the top of the dumpster and what he saw took his breath away. The men, all four of them lay on the ground and Castle could barely look at them. Burned and bruised, they lay with their limbs in weird angles. Dead. All of them gone. A strange, thick, nauseating smell reached his nose and after a second he realized it was the smell of burned skin. Castle closed his eyes, struggling not to throw up as he stumbled out from behind the dumpster with difficulty, feeling that this day was just too much for him. He looked around and saw a pile of still flaming material that was on the place of the duffel bag. He swallowed, wondering what on Earth was in the bottom of the bag. He had an unnerving suspicion that Royce had put some sort of detonator there and forgot to tell him… Castle glanced at the scene in front of him once more, his eyes sliding to the body closest to the remains of the bag and he had to lift his hand to his mouth in terror when he realized that it probably exploded right next to him because he looked the worse of all. Before he could see anything else, before his mind could take in any details Castle turned around and ran.

And now he was sitting on the subway, going as far away as he could. Royce's words echoing in his head: 'Get as far away from here as possible!'

The metro stopped at a station and a new wave of people entered the car, bringing the smell of bakeries and the sounds of chatter with them. He briefly glanced up, his eyes sliding over them hopelessly before he hung his head again.

He clutched his phone in his hands so he wouldn't miss if Royce called. _When_ Royce called. When! Castle simply wouldn't accept the thought that maybe he won't call. It was not possible. He had to call, to let Castle know what happened. To calm his nerves. Rick wouldn't let hoplessness swallow him whole...

But of course he knew it was too late for that. He knew that if they wanted to call him, they would have done it already. If they got out, they could have called him. And Castle was sure they managed to escape, he felt it in his guts, in his heart. And he was falling deep down into that dark hole of desperation. So he was holding onto his phone, his last straw of hope that kept him afloat.

At the next station he got off, his movements automatic as he climbed the stairs and stopped once he reached the street. He looked around and realized that he was only a few blocks away from his building but he didn't want to go home yet. He couldn't bear the thought of his lonely, silent apartment, he didn't want to be alone. Instead of turning home he headed the other way, deciding that he could use a drink. Preferably something strong.

He walked for a few minutes, watching the people around him, trying to distract his mind. It was just past lunchtime and everyone was on their way back to work. He crossed a small park, relieved to feel the cool air when he reached the shadow of trees and he stopped in his tracks for a bit to watch the children playing. They were laughing and running around, completely oblivious to the cruelties and disasters that life held. He realized that just a couple of days ago he was one of them. He was one of the lucky bastards who lived their life happily, getting everything they ever desired. He had always been aware of the fact that he was lucky but the real meaning of these words only occur to him now. Now when he knew that there were people who had to fight for every day of their life, people who made a living from killing others, people whose relatives and loved ones were killed in the matter of seconds. Just like that...

He wished he could still be oblivious, he wished he could erase the images from his brain, the feelings from his heart.

He wished he had never met _her_ but wished that he could spend every single day of his remaining life with her at the same time.

He chose a café in the end, deciding that he didn't want even the possibility of getting real wasted and doing something stupid. He sat in a booth, deep in thought and barely noticed the poor waitress who came to take his order. He didn't know how many times had she cleared her throat already by the time he looked up and she watched him with clear concern in her eyes.

He ordered the simplest coffee, didn't even bother to ask for something special and then stared at the tabletop while he waited for it. There was a small spot on the wood, a stain of some kind and he imagined that it was from a splash of hot beverage. It had been so hot that it left a mark on the wood. His eyes fixed on the little, rounded spot he purposefully didn't think about anything that could lead his train of thought to Beckett.

* * *

By the time he arrived home it was starting to get dark outside. He practically dragged his legs, stalling until the last minute.

He shivered as he walked into his living room, looking around and feeling like there were ghosts of her everywhere. He couldn't believe that catching her while sneaking out of his apartment after their night together was that morning. It felt like years had passed since then.

He didn't bother to turn on the lights as he wandered across his home. He was exhausted but he knew he couldn't sleep. In the end, after long minutes of aimless walking around he collapsed into his office chair in his study and buried his face into his hands.

He sat there in silence, listening to the roaring in his ears and the erratic racing of his heart. By now he was sure she wouldn't call. He should have guessed that she would simply disappear, that their night together would be just that. One short night. He didn't want to accept it but he knew he didn't have any other choice. It was a decision already made by her and he didn't want to give himself the false hope that he would be able to find her. If she never wanted to meet again then he wouldn't be able to reach her no matter how hard he tried.

And it hurt more than he expected and way more than he cared to admit. He never thought that a one night stand could break his heart. But then again she was never just a one night stand, was she? No, she was way more than that. She was a mystery, she was a beautiful mystery that he desperately longed to solve. But now he would never figure her out...

He knew her reasons of course, the why of her decision was never a question for him. He was just disappointed since he felt there was a real connection between the two of them. He hoped that he could bring some joy into her life, some light that she welcomed. But it seemed like she didn't need him.

He couldn't help but smirk at his own stupidity. He knew it was pathetic but he couldn't change the fact that his heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest and broken to a billion tiny pieces. That's what he became, Richard Castle, best selling author and scandalous playboy turned into a complete wreck because of a woman.

He stirred from his musings when he realized that he had absolutely no idea where Alexis was. In fact, he hadn't seen her since that morning which was rather unusual. He frowned because in the midst of this mess he forgot about his daughter. No, that wasn't true, he did not forget about her for a second. She was his only concern these couple of days but he didn't know where she was or what she had been doing all day. He stood from his chair and pulled out his cell phone.

He dialed and waited for her to pick up, but instead of answering she ignored the call. Castle narrowed his eyebrows and called again. She ignored it again and he didn't understand what was happening. They always answered each other's call, there had to be something really important if Alexis didn't pick up her phone. After a few seconds his phone buzzed in his hand, signaling a text message from Alexis.

_'Dad! I'm in the movies with the girls. Told u 'bout it in the morning. Call u later! Love u! A'_

Castle stared at the screen in confusion. He remembered talking to her in the morning but he had no memory about her plans about going to the movie theatre.

Did the worry about Beckett and the excitement for Royce's news really made him pay less attention to what Alexis was saying? He felt like a horrible dad for forgetting it. That just added to his general sadness and made him even more upset and Castle felt like crying.

His thoughts were swirling, pulling him deeper and deeper and he couldn't find a way out, he couldn't make sense of them.

He sighed and pulled his closed laptop closer to himself on the desk. Writing was always his sanctuary, his safe place. His thoughts seemed less complicated when he formed them into sentences and it always helped him to sort them out.

He opened a new document, knowing that there was no use in trying to force himself to write his next Christopher Wind novel. Even if he managed to write a few pages it would probably turn out to be useless. No, he needed a fresh page where he could just let his mind run free and type whatever struck him.

He found it surprising thought that in the moment he put his fingers on the keyboard the words started to flow, endless waves of thoughts pouring onto the screen and before he realized a story started to form. The words weren't just his thoughts anymore, they started to shape into a chapter with the beginning of a plot. A completely new plot for him but as he wrote he knew exactly where it came from. It was from _her_. It was about _her_.

An hour passed by quickly, his fingers never stopping their dance on the keyboard, filling page after page with words. When he finally paused he scrolled back and his eyes widened when he saw that he managed to write almost thirty pages. Thirty pages in an hour was a lot even for him and even though it was not edited yet he knew that thirty pages meant more than two chapters.

And even then, he didn't stop because he had nothing to write about. He still had loads on his mind and more... New ideas, the story that he was writing so clear in his mind that he was afraid if he stopped they would disappear. Like her. But his throat was dry and every time he swallowed it felt like it was full of sand so he needed some water.

He pushed his chair back and went out into the kitchen to drink something before continuing. He gulped down the water, moaning as it refreshed his mouth and throat. The shrill ringing of his cell phone made him run back to the study and he found that it was Alexis.

"Sweetie, hi!" he picked up, shocked to hear his own voice so cheerful but at the same time he realized he did feel better.

"Hey Dad! The movie just ended and I'm headed home, okay?" he heard his daughter's voice.

"You're not getting something to eat with the girls?" he asked, not wanting her to miss out on anything.

"No dad, we have already eaten before the movie..." she said and Castle heard some laughter from the background. "Sorry Dad, I gotta go...See you at home?" she hurriedly added.

"Sure thing. Take care. Love you!" he said, smiling softly when he heard his daughter giggle at something her friends said.

"Okay, love you too. Bye Dad!" she said then ended the call.

Castle put the phone back down on the table then after stretching his back a little he sat down into his chair and started to write again.

* * *

Her apartment felt like it wasn't even her own as Kate stepped through the door. Everything was in place, nothing had changed and yet nothing was right. She ached everywhere, inside and out. All she wanted to do was curl up on her couch and cry. With his arms around herself.

She longed for his embrace, his loving words, his sparkling blue eyes and affectionate gaze.

Royce insisted on giving her a ride home but she didn't want him to know where she lived so he dropped her just down the road. They parted ways without promises, just like last time she had seen him.

On the ride he didn't ask questions and she was thankful for it. The only thing he asked was whether she wanted to go to a hospital or not. Of course she instantly refused the offer. How could she even begin to explain how she got her injuries? It would be just easier to heal on her own. She assured him that she would take a few Tylenols for the pain and sleep on it then wake up as if nothing had happened. Before she got out of the car he examined her still throbbing shoulder and told her that it was dislodged. She just gritted her teeth while he jerked it back into place and even though it hurt like hell she never let out a sound.

As she walked into her bathroom she avoided the mirror with her eyes, not wanting to see how she looked. She squatted down in front of a cabinet under the basin but she lost her balance and ended upon her butt. She paused to chuckle at herself then she pulled the cabinet open and rummaged around for something to blunt the pain in her abdomen. She was relieved because her shoulder was starting to feel better but she tried not to move it too much anyway.

After getting a bottle of Tylenols she wandered out into her kitchen and got a glass of water.

She didn't think about anything but her current actions. One step at a time. She urged herself to goon and ignored every thought that was of Castle.

She sunk back into the cushions of her couch and downed two pills.

She felt heavy and weary and suddenly she couldn't hold back her tears. They flowed down her cheeks and she gasped for air in seconds. She should have been happy, she killed Hunter and Castle was alive too. His life wouldn't be in danger anymore. Then why didn't she feel like a winner? Why didn't she feel satisfied with herself? Why wasn't she relieved to put this case behind herself? Why couldn't she just accept that she wouldn't see him again and move on? Why was it so hard?

Question after question popped up in her mind but no matter how hard she searched in her brain to every one of them she found the same answer.

She had fallen madly and inexplicably and irreversibly in love with him. The truth was she had never felt something like this before.

She had hoped that it was just a passing feeling, just an attraction, just a flame. That she was feeling the connection between them only because he looked at her like she was the best thing in his life. She hoped that once she couldn't feel his delicate touch on her skin her feelings for him would dissolve.

Even after this afternoon when he looked at her with so much love in his eyes, even after she realized she felt the same way she hoped it would go away once he was out of sight. She hoped she would be able to just forget about him and somehow go on with her life.

With a deep growl she pushed herself off the couch. She knew they couldn't meet ever again that was a decision she would stick to. Even with her blurry thoughts she knew it would be too dangerous, it would do no good for him. But she wanted to see him. They couldn't meet but she needed to see him and she only knew one way to do that.

Before she could change her mind she had grabbed her jacket, the binoculars from her room and her cell then she was out the door.

The journey to his building was almost automatic and because of the pills she had taken her brain didn't pickup so many things around her. Every sound, every smell, every colour seemed a bit blunter than it was in reality. It was a bit like she was traveling in a bubble.

She got off the underground and and walked the few minutes to his house. The night had descended and people were headed home or to a club or a bar. Couples cuddled close to each other and groups passed her laughing loudly but she was barely aware of them as she rushed along the street.

In a matter of minutes she was in front of his building. She looked up, eyeing the windows which she knew belonged to his apartment and she felt the draw of the light up there. She wanted nothing more than to be able to go up to him and tell him how she felt, to jump into his arms and kiss him over and over again.

With a long exhale she headed towards the fire escape of the opposite building and with a practiced ease she climbed up to the roof. She walked to the spot from where she had been watching his loft only a couple of days ago and she sat down on the ground. She pulled her jacket closer to protect herself from the night breeze then lifted the binoculars to her eyes. For a moment she couldn't see him but then she focused on his study and saw his silhouette at the desk. He was writing.

Kate blinked a few as she watched him, fighting back her tears of relief when she saw that he truly was okay. He got home, he was writing, he was safe. He could still have a normal life, he could still move on. And she would find a way to do so as well. She would cherish their night together for the rest of her life, she would lock it up in her heart and always remember him. Richard Castle, the man who got to her heart. But she would stay away and do the best for both of them. And who knows, maybe things would turn better…

And as she sat there she was finally at peace with her own decision. She was sure that she chose the right way. But even like that, she just wasn't ready to go yet. She wasn't quite ready to let him go completely, so she just sat there on the roof and peered at the house across the street, at the man who was unaware of the audience. At the man who stole her heart.

**And this was it. What do you think? I really hope you liked it and I know there wasn't too much action in this chapter but I felt this slower, sadder chapter was necessary after the previous ones. Please tell me what you think in a review! I'm dying to know your opinion! :)  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! It means the world to me!  
I'm going on a school trip tomorrow but I will try to write as much as possible so hopefully I will be able to update on next Monday! Until then, xxx  
PS: I actually can not believe that I have to go on school trip on the day of the season finale… I mean, seriously? But anyways, happy finale day (in advance) to everybody! :) **


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey Guys! Thank you all for the amazing feedback on last chapter! You constantly make me so happy with your reviews and I'm incredibly grateful for every one of you! :)  
Here is the next chapter, I hope you will like it!**

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Castle. _

_Chapter 21_

**Six months later**

Kate traced the book's spine with her index finger lovingly. The sounds of the busy bookstore didn't even get to her as she took the novel down from the shelf and looked at the cover curiously. His name, written in bold letters on the top just like on his every book. It was modest and classy at the same time.

But this book was new, she knew it even without the huge signs about his book signing, she had spent the last half a year reading every one of his novels. They kept her alive in the worse times, they kept her on her couch when alls he wanted to do was go to him and beg him to love her. His books so wonderfully written that she was on the edge of her seat every time, biting her nails while reading them.

_Dangerous Heat_ was the title and under that she could see a woman's nude silhouette in a strange fighting pose.

She opened it and turned a few pages to get to the dedication page because even though she absolutely loved his novels she had to admit, her favourite page in the whole book next to the author's note was the dedication page. Those words were completely from his heart, they weren't limited or transformed so that they would fit into a storyline and they weren't overseen by an editor. They were there as he had written it down. It was the closest thing she had to an actual conversation with him and she cherished every word of these pages.

Now she smoothed down the paper and her eyes fell on the line in the middle of the page.

_'To the mysterious woman who had changed my whole life. I wish you could see yourself as I see you. I wish you could see just how much more you deserve...'_

Her heart skipped a beat then started to race in her chest. Although she couldn't be sure, her heart knew that he was talking about her. The mysterious woman was her even though he knew her last name and so much more about her. It was probably to protect her, she had seen it in his previous novels where he only used first letters of names or just the title of the person.

Kate snapped it closed and without glancing at the other shelves or aisles in the store she turned towards the cashier with the book clutched to her chest.

"Hello!" the man behind the counter smiled at her. He most probably recognized her since she had been in this shop quite a few times in the last six months, always coming alone and leaving with a stack of Richard Castle books in her bag.

"Hi!" she murmured, her voice raspy as she spoke and she cleared her throat. She put the book carefully down on the counter and saw the knowing look cross the cashier's face.

"We'll have a signing tomorrow at 5 pm and on Saturday at noon. And if you want to talk to the author we will have a Q&A after the signing." He informed her but she already knew these things. They were written on the billboards in the store with huge letters.

"Thanks." She nodded politely, not wanting to tell him that she couldn't come to** his** book signing. She couldn't bear the thought of seeing him, being so close to him and not being able to talk to him. She didn't want to see who he brought with himself. What if he had a girlfriend? She would surely die from the pain of seeing him with another woman... Not to mention what he would do once he saw her, standing in front of him, waiting for his autograph. No, she couldn't come to his signing.

She paid for the book and left the shop in a hurry to get home as soon as possible.

She rushed down the street, turning into a more deserted alley to quicken her route. Her fingers ached to open the book, her mind already wondering what it could be about, what adventure will he take her to this time.

She knew it wasn't Christopher Wind nor Derrick Storm, it was with a new character, who she couldn't wait to 'meet'...

She didn't cheat though, didn't even take a peak at the book in her hand until she got home. When she stepped through her door she felt a smile spread on her face, anticipation settling in her stomach and making her all jumpy and nervous. She wanted to shut the door, run to her couch and start reading right away even if that seemed like what a five-year-old would do. But instead she closed and locked the door like the mature adult she was and with slow, deliberate steps she went into her kitchen. She put the novel on the countertop and walked to a cupboard to retrieve a glass. She dug out the bottle of red from the depth of her messy fridge and poured herself a glass. She took a tiny sip, swirling the cold liquid in her mouth for a moment before swallowing.

She eyed the book on the counter with a small smirk, internally laughing at herself for being so childish. She used to be so cold and tough, what had happened to her? But of course she knew the answer. Him. Richard Castle had happened. He came into her life, into her heart and no matter how hard she tried to chase him away his memory stubbornly stayed there, influencing everything she did since she had last seen him.

Her reputation clearly suffered from their little incident, she only had a few jobs since then and even those she could hardly do. She suddenly found it too hard to look into the mirror after she killed someone. She couldn't lie to herself anymore and tell that they had it coming. He changed her and there was no going back. So she mostly tried to take smaller hacking jobs or surveillances instead of killing. In six month's time she only pulled the trigger once, a week after she last saw him and she felt like a monster. She felt disgusted by herself, she kept thinking about him and what he would think of her. Nothing good she was sure. She lay in bed the next day, miserable and lonely then she went to a bar and drowned her sorrows. Next morning she woke up beside a stranger, his arms wrapped around her middle and she felt cheap and wrong like she had cheated on Castle. That was the last time she had killed.

So she lived up her savings and took smaller jobs with smaller payments but she didn't mind. Since then she didn't feel so horrible, she felt a little more like a human. Like the human she desperately wished she could be.

And today when she saw those words, his precious words on the dedication page that were meant directly for her, her heart swelled in her chest. Because he didn't think she was beyond repair, he believed she deserved more. And she wanted that more, she never knew she did but after she met him and saw the way he looked at her, so full of affection and faith she wanted to be more. She wanted to be worthy of that look, of those words.

Kate finally reached for the book and took it with herself to the living room. She put the glass on the coffee table and sunk into the cushions with the novel in her hand. Her eyes skimmed the dedication page again, blinking back her tears as she read his words then she turned the page and ran her fingers over the title. _Dangerous Heat._ She couldn't wait to find out what that could mean. Every title meant something, she had already learnt that while reading his books and she guessed that the main character's name must be Heat, just like he did with Storm and Wind.

After a second she shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts, after all why should she guess when she could find out from the book. With a deep breath to calm the butterflies in her stomach she turned the pages till the first chapter and started to read.

_Nikki Heat sprinted across the road, dodging cars as she rushed forward. When she reached the pavement she threw herself into the afternoon crowd and tried her best to mingle and disappear. As she kept up her brisk walk she glanced back over her shoulder from time to time, searching the mass of people for anyone suspicious. The last thing she needed right now was to get caught by those security guys who were sent after her. _

_She passed a bus at a bus stop and with a sudden idea she jumped up on the vehicle in the last moment, deciding that it was best to get as far as she could. _

_When she spotted the two angry men wearing black suits, glaring at the bus she resisted the urge to grin. They could never find her now and she had the information she needed._

_She got off two stops later, relatively close to her precinct. From there she walked hurriedly so she could share her news with her partners._

_The twelfth precinct was only three blocks away but in the summer heat it was like running the New York Marathon so by the time she arrived, Heat was breathing heavily and longed for some ice cold water. The ends of her long, brown waves at the back of her head were damp with perspiration and her shirt was uncomfortably sticking to her skin._

_"Afternoon, Detective Heat!" a young officer in the main lobby greeted her and Nikki smiled at him, recognizing him from several cases she had worked on._

_"Good afternoon!" she replied on her way to the elevator, checking her phone as she walked. It was five PM already. So that was the reason of her hunger, she hadn't eaten since breakfast._

_She stepped into the elevator and as it started its way up she thought about the case which was now cracked open thanks to the info she got in the club. She would get the search warrant by tomorrow morning and close the case by noon. While going over her upcoming steps, Nikki reached up to her neck and touched the chain there automatically. Her fingers ran over the silver until they curled around the engagement ring that hung on the chain. She swallowed as thoughts of her late fiancé flooded her mind. His smile, his voice, his touch... Even though it has been almost ten years since his death, Nikki missed him every single day and the pain of loosing him never ceased, she just learned to live with it._

Kate silently reached up to her own neck and pinched the chain there between her index finger and thumb. A tear escaped her eye as she took in a shaky breath. He wasn't just writing for her, he was writing about her! This sentence about the necklace made it clear and her heart raced at the thought. Because it was clearly not something his readers would know, they wouldn't know that he was writing about an actual chain, they would think it was just another interesting detail about the character. But it was so much more for her, it was an unmistakable clue that this was really mean t for her. That even though he had accepted her decision to disappear he still tried to reach out to her, he still had things to tell her and he decided to tell them to his every reader through a book. The thought that he based a character, a main character, after her in his latest book gave her chills.

After wiping the tear away with the back of her hand Kate turned the page and continued to read, now with her heart thumping in her lungs excitedly, waiting to see what he had planned for her character.

_The opening doors in front of her broke her out of her thoughts and Nikki chased the grief away to be able to do her job. She stepped out and the instant buzz of the vice bullpen was embracing her like a warm blanket._

_"Ey Heat! Glad you got back in one piece!" a familiar voice sounded from her left and she turned her head to Detective Ochoa. The hispanic man looked at her with a teasing grin but Nikki knew he would have her back anytime._

_"Yeah, you know... I manage." she told him with a smile of her own as she made her way to her desk. "Raley!" she called out for the other member of her team and when his blue eyes met hers she waved him over._

_The two men stood next to her desk, waiting for her news while she pulled her hair back into a loose bun and sighed in relief._

_"So, we need a warrant for Grayson's house. The bartender spilled and I'm guessing Grayson caught Ronnie while doing business with another dealer. If he did, there must be evidence in his study somewhere... Let's go there tomorrow morning, and my gut tells me we will have our case wrapped before lunch." she told them and both men nodded._

_"I'm on it!" Raley said, referring to the warrant and he retreated to his desk and picked up his phone._

_Nikki closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the calmness that spread in her while she listened to the sounds of her precinct. This place had become a second home to her since the day she finished the Academy and started working as an officer. It was her shelter and hiding place whenever her fiancé's memories haunted her again. She hid in her work every time and she made her way up 'til she made detective. _

_She was grateful every day that she managed to find a way out of the deep, dark hole that sucked her in after his death. For awhile she couldn't get out, she got into all kinds of trouble and shady business because she couldn't get over him. She couldn't make her peace with it. Until one night she met a man in a bar. Nothing happened between them, but the words they exchanged made her see herself differently. He somehow convinced her that she was worth more. That her fiancé would want her to move on, to live a normal life. He convinced her that she deserved a better life than towards which she was headed._

_The next morning she woke up with a throbbing headache and the decision to start living her life differently. She got into the Police Academy and became a detective. _

_"Heat!" she heard a strong voice calling her name and her eyes snapped open. She turned towards her captain's office and saw him standing in the doorway with a somehow apologetic look on his face._

_"Sir?" she asked as she stood and walked to him. When she peered into his office over his shoulder she could see a man seated in front of his desk with his back to them._

_"Heat, there is something I would like to talk about with you..."_

_"Is something wrong, sir?" she asked as he ushered her into his office with a hand on her arm._

_"No, not exactly." Captain Montrose muttered. The man in the office turned at the sound of their approaching voice and he stood up to meet Heat. "Please meet Jameson Rook!" Montrose said, motioning towards the man who had extended his hand with a charming grin. But Nikki was motionless, frozen in mid step as she stared at him. Her brain blunt, her eyes unfocused. Because it was __**him**__. The stranger from the bar all those years ago, whose words practically saved her life. What the hell was he doing there?_

* * *

Kate didn't even notice how the time passed until she got to the very last page of the book. She read the last sentence and turned the page only to be met with the acknowledgements page. Leave it to him to end his book on a cliffhanger...

Her blood was racing through her veins and her vision was a bit blurry from the unshed tears. The whole novel felt like a letter, specifically written for her. It was like a guide that he had written for her how to be more, how to achieve what he thought she deserved. Telling the story of rebuilding a broken life and getting a second chance and Kate couldn't help but feel touched because it wasn't just the dedication in the beginning, it was the whole book that told her that she deserved more. Her character, Nikki was reminded over and over again throughout the story that she should believe in herself. He had even written himself in the story as Jameson Rook, the slightly annoying yet heartwarmingly childish and lovable writer.

She looked up from the pages and blinked a few times, her eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room around her. At some point she must have switched on the reading lamp next to the couch but apart from that her apartment was dark and quiet. She glanced at the clock in her kitchen and her eyebrows shot up in surprise when she saw that it was closing up on 1 AM.

She untucked her legs from underneath her and grimaced as she felt the sting of millions of tiny needles running through them. Her stomach grumbled and she chuckled as she pushed herself off the couch and started towards the kitchen to have a late dinner.

* * *

Richard Castle was lost. He was just floating around, living his life without really realizing it for the last half a year. He had written a book and he had another one almost ready but that was the only productive thing he did. It was like he was asleep. Like his senses had been blunted.  
He missed her. He knew it was ridiculous, every day he reminded himself that he doesn't even know her, he didn't even had much time with her. But the only conclusion he could get from his days at night was that he missed her.

His world was strangely twisted, he felt like being awake when he was really asleep, dreaming of her. And the reason of the sudden increasing in the amount of writing he did was her as well. She was an inspiration he never had before. Sure he liked to think of some women as his muses but she was different. She invaded his mind, his heart and he just saw the scenes play out in front of his mind's eye like he was there, watching her do everything. He just couldn't stop writing it down, he couldn't stop imagining it all because for those precious hours of the day he could pretend that she was still there with him. He could pretend that she was Nikki Heat, the badass detective and he was Jameson Rook, her plucky sidekick slash writer and together they fought crime and got justice. Because even though he couldn't see her, he couldn't call her he could imagine what her life could be like now. Of course, he knew that she probably wasn't a vice detective but he believed with all his heart that she deserved something more than the life she destined herself to.  
That's why he dedicated the first Nikki Heat book to her, and he would continue to do so with all the following ones. Because deep down he had a small part in him that hoped that she would care even if just a little bit. Hoped that she didn't forget him immediately. And hoped that if one day, by some mysterious miracle she would open his book she would know how much she meant to him.

**So what do you think? I would love to know your opinion about the chapter! I really hope you enjoyed it though, and I hope you know how much every single word from you means to me! :)  
And just in case there might be confusion about it, the Nikki Heat novel in the chapter is all made up by me, also the parts written in italics aren't the whole book of course, I wanted to write only the beginning of it. (Then let Kate read on her own... ;) )  
Thank you guys for reading and reviewing! I don't know what I would do without you…  
Next chapter with more of Castle, as always, in a week! Until then, xxx**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys! First of all, thank you all so much for the lovely feedback on last chapter! Your dear words make me incredibly happy! I try to answer all of you, but there are some people whose account is blocked from messages, so that is the reason if I didn't answer your review. Also thanks to everyone who left a guest review, I hope you know that I'm really grateful.  
Now, here is the new chapter, I'm super proud of myself for updating a day sooner than usual. Anyways, I truly hope you will like it! :) **

_Disclaimer: No matter how much I wish I did, I don't own Castle…_

_Chapter 22_

"Dad! Dad! DAD!"

Alexis's loud voice broke him out of his thoughts and he looked up to search for her. She was standing in the doorway of his study with her hands on her hip, staring at him expectantly. She looked slightly impatient and Castle guessed that she had called many times by the time he noticed.

"Yeah? Sorry... What is it sweetheart?" he asked, smiling at her apologetically.

"Are you coming to dinner with as tonight?" she asked, her voice laced with concern as she stepped further into the room.

"Us? Who's us?" he questioned and took in her appearance. She was wearing a pretty green dress and black high heels, obviously not dressed for a lazy night at the loft.

"Dad..." she sighed exasperatedly and plopped down on the edge of his desk beside him. "You promised you would come. With Grams and Brian." She said and Rick had a faint memory of her telling him about her new boyfriend.

"Yeah, sure I remember. I, uh..." he stuttered, not wanting to let his daughter down but still feeling like he shouldn't go out.

"Come on dad! It's been a week since you last were out of the loft." she told him softly.

"I should write..." he motioned towards the laptop on his desk but both of them knew it was just a lame excuse.

"Dad, _Dangerous Heat_ only came out a month ago. You were never this hard working with other books before..." Alexis pointed out and he had to give it to her, she was perfectly right. "It's about her, isn't it?" she asked in a knowing tone and he repressed a gasp. He had never talked about **her** to Alexis.

"Who are you talking about?" he asked, feigning surprise. Alexis gave him an eye roll and a glare before she answered.

"Nikki Heat." She said simply.

"Eh, sweetie… You do realize that Nikki Heat is only the figment of my imagination? She's not a real person." He told her in an over patient, almost condescending tone to avoid the true meaning of her question by making her look like the silly one. He felt horrible for it, he knew he was a bad father for doing so but he just couldn't help it. He hoped that it would confuse her enough to divert her attention.

"Dad, come on! We both know who I was talking about…" she said reproachingly but her eyes turned gentle as she reached out to touch his arm. "Please tell me about her!" she pleaded with him and Rick just couldn't deny his little girl.

"Alexis…" he sighed, still hoping that if he suffered dramatically enough she would just drop the subject. But of course she didn't, it was Alexis Castle, his own daughter. Always way too smart and responsible for her age and for his liking and obstinate as a mule. Once she set her mind to something she wouldn't relent until she got what she wanted. And this time it was a straight answer, an answer which he just couldn't give her. Not because he wanted to keep secrets from her, not even because he wanted to keep Beckett's memory only to himself, safely hidden in his heart. It was for Alexis's safety, it was for her soul's peace. It wouldn't do her no good to hear all of it. How they had met and what they had been through… "Look, you've read the book. There's nothing more to tell." He murmured, trying his best to close off the memories that threatened to wash over him again.

"The book? I only get as much as any one of your readers?" she asked incredulously with a hint of hurt in her voice.

"Alexis, that's enough to know…" he said, sounding more confident now. His face almost strict as he looked at his daughter but immediately softening when he saw her expression. She was curious why her father had turned into this wreck in a matter of months, and she was frustrated because she couldn't understand the change but above all she was crazy worried about him. She deserved to know as much as he could tell her but he was afraid to tear the wounds open again when they only just began to heal. The writing helped a little, the more he wrote the less alone and lost he felt but he still felt like he was floating in endless space, dark and tight around him.

And as he held his daughter's eyes he knew that she understood that fear, she somehow despite her young age understood how he was feeling. How terrified he was of this unknown situation for him, how he tried to protect even himself from the pain that closed around him for the last months.

She caught his hand between hers and squeezed, telling him that she would be here, that she wouldn't leave him sinking into this dark madness where all he could think about was **her.** Her blue eyes sparkled as they stared into his and suddenly Rick felt an overwhelming wave of gratefulness for this wonderful creature in front of him. What on Earth would he do without his girl? He had many ups and downs in his life and Alexis had always been there, a shoulder for him to lean on, his solid ground whenever he felt unstable, his north star whenever he felt lost.

So how could he deny her his trust and complete honesty?

"Look, I need you to trust me that I will tell you as much as I can. But please understand that there are things that I can't tell you, okay?" he finally sighed and Alexis smiled at him, her lips barely curling upwards a little, letting him know that she was appreciating that he would tell her and the seriousness that shone from her eyes told him that she would act like an adult and accept whatever he shared with her. "I got into some trouble while I was doing research for one of my books and I didn't realize that something went wrong until..." he paused, narrowing his eyebrows as he thought of the best way to tell his daughter that a trained killer had been hired to murder him. Even though he was alive and it was all over he knew that Alexis wouldn't take that lightly. So he had to be really careful with such a delicate subject, he had to try and make it sound as pretty and child friendly and unviolent as he could without lying to her. "Well, until they sent someone to, um, let me know." he said and saw his daughter's eyes flash when it occurred to her.

"Was that... Her?" she gasped, fingers tightening around his as she gripped his hand protectively.

"Yes. We met on a charity event and frankly, I fell for her the first time I set eyes on her. She truly is beautiful and not just the average pretty, she has an air of mystery." He explained and Alexis nodded with a small smirk, knowing how Castle was a sucker for mysteries. "When I looked into her eyes, I was lost. There was so much emotion swimming in those pools of green that I couldn't figure out, I always found something new every time I looked in them. And of course, at first I didn't know her... Purposes or her profession." he added.

"Her profession? Seriously dad?" Alexis asked with a teasingly raised eyebrow. Rick could see that she would hardly call being an assassin a profession and maybe a year ago he would have agreed with her. But after meeting Beckett, after getting to see the breathtaking personality, the caring person behind the killer he realized that that was all it was. A profession. Just like a hairdresser or a lawyer or even a writer... Beyond that she was a human being who needed love and safety no matter how hard she tried to deny and ignore it. And that was probably why he believed that she deserved more, that she could have more. Because just like anybody else, she could change her profession as well. Maybe not as easily but if she wanted, she would be able to do so, he was sure.

"Yeah, so anyways, you can imagine my shock when I realized what she wanted and why did we even meet at the first time. I had to get away of course and all the while all I could think about was you and your grandmother. I couldn't risk you getting in harm's way and the helplessness of the situation was killing me."

"I thought she was..." Alexis quipped in sarcastically.

"Very funny." Castle said but deep down he was thankful that she didn't lose her sense of humor even then. "But, somehow I managed to escape that day. We were standing face to face and I was sure that that was my last minute. I accepted it and tried to face it bravely but for some unknown reason she let me go and I came home, hoping that it wasn't just a trap." he intentionally left out the part where he asked Beckett not to make a mess for the sake of his daughter, he wasn't sure Alexis could have handled it. Or him, for that matter.

"Then what happened?" she asked and Castle grinned. His smart daughter, knowing him well enough to know that this couldn't be the end of the story. He didn't stand a chance at fooling her, maybe when she was little but certainly not anymore.

"That night she came to me and..."

"Woaah, woah... Stop right there! I don't want to hear the nasty details..." Alexis interrupted him with a disgusted face.

"There are no nasty details, pumpkin." he rolled his eyes, using her old nickname affectionately. "So, she came to me and I admit, I was terrified that she would just shoot me. But she surprised me when she told me that she wanted to protect me. I still don't understand what could have been going through her mind but she wanted to save me from whoever her employer was. And she did. We had some adventures, we got into danger, she almost gave her life for me and then I never saw her again…" he finished the story in a rush, leaving out the 'nasty' parts.

"She just disappeared?" Alexis asked with wide eyes.

"Yes, but it was for the best. We came from different worlds, it would have been really dangerous and we lived our lives so differently that it probably couldn't have worked anyways. She just saved us both a whole bunch of pain." Rick explained, feeling like he had to defend her, verify her actions.

"But, you're in pain anyways…" she reminded him sadly.

"Yes, but it's my own fault… I was just too… immersed and invested in it. I was hoping for something that I knew could never happen. I guess she was just too much of a mystery to resist for me." he shrugged. "And it didn't hurt that she was absolutely gorgeous..." he added with a smile.

"Do you love her?" she asked next, a question that he hadn't been expecting.

And even though he knew the answer to it Castle was momentarily torn between wanting to be perfectly truthful with his daughter and feeling a childish need to keep the emotion for himself. Back then he had been talking with his mother about Beckett, about his feelings for her and that was when he realized how surprisingly deep, strong and most of all, real they were. And although he knew that his feelings hadn't changed for her, he knew that he still woke up every morning with the longing to see her and be able to kiss her, he didn't know if it was a good idea to admit it to Alexis. Telling her about it would make it even more real and he wasn't sure he wanted to confess to something that would be better forgotten. He was afraid that if he said the words out loud to Alexis, it would be even harder to move on eventually.

But then he thought the better of it. She deserved a simple, honest answer for a simple question. He didn't want to lie to her and he knew his daughter enough to guess that he wouldn't be able to stir her away from the subject. He might be able to avoid this particular question but she would keep on interrogating him until he broke.

"Yes." He said firmly, fixing his eyes on the desktop then looking up only to find her studying him carefully.

"And does she love you?" she asked the even more unexpected question, throwing him off guard. For a moment his mind was invaded by images of Beckett. Memories of various different things about her that his brain stored up in the short time they spent together. The sound of her soft laugh, the color of her hair in the first rays of sunlight, the smell of her that reminded him of cherries and embraced him when he woke in the early morning. The feel of her skin under his fingertips, her lips against his that he had been trying so hard to forget. He wanted to stop it but once he let it start the images just kept flowing and fighting it would have been a futile attempt.

"How should I know that?" he asked back distractedly, hoping to avoid answering for a little more time.

"When you love someone, you just know. You feel it if your feelings are reciprocated." she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world and Rick was filled with pride for his wise girl. And of course he knew she was right, if he really thought about it he knew the reply. He did feel it. Or at least he thought he felt it six months ago, by now his sore heart was questioning everything that he thought he felt.

"Well, when you haven't seen that person for more than half a year you start to doubt whatever you felt or thought you felt back then." he told her bitterly, his freehand moving to fiddle with a piece of rubber on his desk.

He remembered the very last time he saw her, in that room, dirty and beaten up but so damn beautiful even like that. He remembered their last kiss, desperate and hurried but sweet at the same time. Just a brush of their lips. And he remembered the last time he looked into her eyes. A bit teary from all that she had been through in those three days and so deep he thought he might be able to see into her soul. And he was sure at that time that he saw love shining in them. He was sure that she was feeling the undeniable connection, the magic between them that he felt. That was probably why he let his hopes up about any kind of future together.

But now he wasn't so sure anymore. What if he had been only imagining it? What if he just saw his own emotions reflecting in her eyes? Saw what he wanted to see. What if he was no more than a one night stand for her? And these doubts crept into his every memory, turning every joyful, pretty image into something full of worry and questions. Making his self-confidence disappear...

"Oh Dad!" Alexis sighed, understanding sparkling in her blue eyes. Castle knew that his daughter completely got what he was saying. He could see in her eyes that she was feeling his pain, his doubt, and his longing. He could see that she wished she could meet the woman who stole her father's heart, she wished she could find a way to reach out to her and let her know what had done to Castle by leaving and disappearing. He saw that finally she understood his need to flee and hide in his writing, she understood what Nikki Heat meant for him. But she didn't voice any of this and he was beyond thankful for it, her silent support meant more to him than if she tried to console him with overused clichés and stale sayings. She didn't say it would all turn out fine, she didn't swore that Beckett was stupid to go away and that she could be happy to have a man like Rick and she certainly didn't promise to her father that he would find somebody just as good or more like way better than her then start to say bad things about the woman to try and change his opinion about her. She just sat there beside him and drew soothing little circles on his palm with her thumb.

After a couple of moments she finally let go of his hand and with a long exhale she stood up from the desk, pressing a kiss to his temple before moving away. Castle watched as she smoothed her dress down while walking to the door her face troubled for a little bit and he instantly felt guilty for putting this burden on her shoulder. But then she stopped in the doorway and turned back to him with a smile so Rick tried to put on a brave face for her.

"You know Dad, from all you've said and all I've read I'm pretty sure she loves you too. And she did what she did because she believed it to be the best for you and I bet she wouldn't want you to keep living your life hiding in your study and shutting everything and everyone out. She wouldn't want you to hurt." She said gently and tucked a strand of flaming red hair behind her ear. "Anyway, it's up to you but we're leaving in ten minutes and just so you know, Brian would love to meet you..." she added before she left and he could hear the quiet clicks of her high heels on the living room floor as she crossed the room.

He sat there behind his desk, as motionless as a sculpture. Alexis's words echoed through his head and he felt a wave of love wash over him. He had been nothing but a bad father figure in the last six months, shutting her out and hiding in his work yet she wasn't giving up on him. She came to him and listened to his story and didn't judge. Even when she knew all of it –apart from the 'nasty' details- and knew how he felt. She listened and understood and took it with more maturity than most people in her age would. Not that he was surprised, not at all. She had always been like this, but usually he didn't experience it so directly. But on occasions when he was feeling really down she could always get to him, she found a way to talk sense into him when he was spiraling down into self-doubt or writer's block. And she was the best at consoling him even when she didn't even try.

And he didn't want to let her down, he didn't want her to think that she wasn't important enough to him. He knew that she would understand if he chose not to go out with them tonight, she wouldn't mention it ever again. But he didn't want to be that dad, the one whose heart is broken and he takes it out on his family. He would deal with the pain, lick his wounds alone at night but during the day he would try his best to be himself again. To be fun and childish and funny and annoying and the best dad in the world. Because Alexis deserved it.

He pushed his chair back from the desk and pushed himself up with an ungraceful grunt. He swayed slightly with his first steps and with a frown he wondered just exactly how long had he been sitting in his chair… It sure felt like years and suddenly he realized how hungry he was. Dinner sounded lovely just then.

He slowly, almost shyly made his way out of his study and followed the muffled sounds of his family coming from the kitchen. He couldn't make out their silent murmurs but he had a strong guess that they were talking about him. He looked around in his living room and felt almost like he haven't been at home for months. And in a way it was true. He was far away in the 'Land of broken hearts' surrounded by pain and doubt day after day until his daughter came to find him and bring him back. He felt a familiar warmness spread in his chest as he stepped closer to them, now able to see Martha behind the counter, clearly telling some story to the two forms sitting on stools in front of her. His eyes slipped from their backs to the space between the two people, noting their intertwined fingers under the counter. For a second the over protective father bubbled up inside him, narrowing his eyebrows at the boy's figure but then he saw the happy smile with which Alexis's eyes crinkled when she looked at him and the adoring way the boy- Brian, he reminded himself- was looking at her. This time he would skip the scaring off part, he decided, just this one time.

Just as he took another step Martha noticed him and an affectionate smile appeared on her face, the worry for her son evident in her eyes but to mask it she threw her hands up in the air theatrically.

"Richard, I though you would never crawl out of your office!" she cried out as she rounded the counter to pull him into a one armed hug, squeezing him to her playfully but Castle could feel the true relief behind her antics.

"Dad!" he heard Alexis joyful exclaim and he was one thousand percent sure that he made the right choice to join them. She hopped off the stool, letting go of her boyfriend's hand and stepping up to Rick to press a sweet kiss on his cheek. "Thank you!" she whispered into his ear so only he could hear it and he felt his vision blur from sudden tears.

"I love you!" he muttered as an answer and for a second he held her tightly to his chest before letting her go and looking at the young man who was waiting patiently and a bit timidly a couple of feet behind Alexis, just watching them silently. Martha moved back and said something about getting her coat and Alexis stepped away as well, backing up until she was standing directly next to the boy with a hesitant, coy smile. "And you must be Brian!" Castle extended his hand towards the boy with a grin, trying to balance the image he must have had about him by being super nice. He certainly didn't want Alexis's boyfriend to think he had emotional problems…

"Yes, it's nice to meet you Mr. Castle! I'm really glad you can come with us!" the boy said, shaking his hand, first a bit weakly then getting firmer as he gained confidence.

"Please, call me Rick!" Castle offered and Brian nodded thankfully, now with a smile of his own.

"Shall we go, my dears?" Martha's voice sounded from the foyer and they all turned to see her wave towards them. "Come on, the driver will fall asleep waiting for us downstairs!" she rolled her eyes as she buttoned up her coat.

"Wouldn't want that, right?" Castle commented as he started towards the coat rack as well. He put on his coat and watched with an amused smirk as Brian got Alexis's coat and helped her into it before getting his own, the two of them sharing little smiles and looks while doing so. Castle looked at his mother and their eyes met, Martha nodding knowingly. Just the gentleman Alexis deserved… Castle already approved of this boy even though he didn't know anything about him yet. But from the way Alexis's eyes shined when Brian reached for her hand and twined their fingers Rick guessed that he had many time to get to know this boy.

They left the loft, indulged in a comfortable conversation, Rick staying back and watching his family as they made their ways to the elevator, promising himself that from then on he would live a life that **she **would want him to live. He would go back to being his old self and instead of crying over Beckett, he would think of the good memories and cherish them for the rest of his life. Even if he never saw her again…

**So, what do you think guys? I really hope you liked it… Please leave a review and tell me what you think of this chapter! I'm dying to hear your opinion! :)**

**And please don't worry, this is still not the end! There are 2 more chapters to go and an epilogue. And here and now I officially promise that next chapter will be happier and that they will meet again in it! :)**

**I know many of you guys wanted Kate to go to the book signing and wanted them to meet there but honestly I never planned for them to meet again there. I hope you don't mind and I hope that you will like what I have planned…  
Next chapter, as always, in a week but if I have a wave of inspiration and much time to write, then sooner! Until then, xxx**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey everybody! Thank you all for the amazing, heartwarming feedback on last chapter! It makes me incredibly happy to know that you like this story!  
This chapter somehow got a bit longer than usual, but I think you won't mind it! :) I really really hope you guys will like the chapter! **

_Disclaimer: I wish I owned it, but Castle is not mine…_

_Chapter 23_

**3 years later**

Kate signed the last page, her name written on the paper in blue ink with small, slightly slanted letters. Even after working here for years it felt strange to use her whole name. Her real name.

She pushed the sheets away from her with a sigh only to reach for another from the pile at her right hand. Ugh, she hated paperwork!

Before she started to fill out the form she glanced up, her eyes roaming the office around her. It was getting close to five o'clock and everybody was doing their finishing touches on their day's work, eager to get home.

Most nights she stayed in late, long after everybody went home. Of course, a part of her just wanted to go home too but the other part kept reminding her that she didn't really have anything or anyone waiting for her. She had an empty fridge and a cold, lonely bed. So she might as well spend her night bent over her desk, working. Maybe that was the reason of her success in the office. That was why she was getting better and better assignments. The bosses liked her and to be honest, she liked her job.

Three years since she started here, three years since she decided that she wanted a change. That she wanted her life to be different than the one she had been living since her mother's murder. So she went to a couple of job interviews. She was met with numerous walls and dead ends before she found the perfect place for herself, a bodyguard and surveillance firm. She applied for a job and she got it and ever since she had been working her ass off to be the best. Castle's books helped her change, and the first Nikki Heat book gave her the push she needed. Since then he had written two more novels, both of them about the courageous and witty Detective Heat. The character he based on her. And Kate loved it, she clung to his every word, reading his books like they were oxygen. And in a matter of speaking, they were. She needed his words to remind her on the worst days why she wanted this change. She needed his words to soothe her in her pain, to make her remember the way he looked at her. She missed him dearly, but his words helped her to stay strong. They reminded her why she made the decision to never see him again and why she had to stick to it.

A thud of a door broke her out of her thoughts and she grimaced when she realized she had been daydreaming about Castle, again. She shook her head with a small smile as she picked up her pen and read over the form before her once more.  
Tonight was different though, when the clock struck five she would leave like everybody else. Because tonight she had a date. A real date, arranged with a nice guy she met in a café the previous week. She quickly started writing the last file, hurrying to get it done and get going already. She could feel the slight flutter of her nerves as she wrote, her mind already on her plans.

Five minutes later she was ready to go home, her computer already turned off, her coat on and with her bag on her shoulder she made her way to the elevator.

Her apartment was about ten minutes away from the office with the underground but today she decided she would walk, clear her mind before the date.

The air was chilly, but not enough to make her quicken her pace as she strolled down the street. She promised herself that this time she would give it a chance. For the last three years, and frankly a lot more before that too, she had been hiding in her work, whatever she had been doing and never let anyone or anybody distract her. Until Castle and that brought the change in her life that she needed so much. So when this nice guy came up to her in the café she decided not to turn him down. She decided that it was in fact the part of the change and she wouldn't refuse. And she had to admit, she was looking forward to it. As she neared home she felt the anticipation grow in her, her stomach clenching in the best way possible.

She arrived at her building and jogged up the stairs, the adrenaline in her veins giving her too much energy.

After locking her door she checked her phone to seethe time and with a relieved sigh she noted that she still had more than an hour till they were supposed to meet. With the hope that it would ease her nervousness, Kate took off her clothes and hopped into the shower.

* * *

Ten minutes before seven Kate stepped out of her building, wearing a dark blue, knee long dress, high heels and a denim jacket. Her hair was down, floating around her shoulders in the light breeze and she felt confident. More confident than in years. She was going on a date, she looked pretty and her life was finally starting to get normalised. As she walked down the street, peering into cafés and restaurants, getting a tiny peek of other people's life she felt optimistic.

And ten minutes later, right on time she arrived at the small Italian restaurant which they chose to have a dinner in. She took a big breath before she stepped inside but as soon as she did she lost it all. The room she entered was a lovely, homely diner with delicious smells hanging above and a soft buzz of chatter which made her feel comfortable immediately. The whole room just had the air of a family reunion.

"Kate!" she heard from her right and she snapped her head in that direction in an automatic alert, her senses a bit overreacting to the sound that broke her out of her awe. She relaxed instantly though when she saw her date. David stood up from the table he was sitting at and he came towards her with a handsome smile gracing his features. He was rather tall with dark blond hair and sparkling green eyes. He wasn't exactly muscular but he looked fit enough. Not that she really cared about muscles...

"Hey David!" she met him with a smile of her own, feeling a bit self conscious as she felt his eyes run over her, taking her in.

"You look... Absolutely stunning!" he complimented and she felt her cheek flush slightly.

"Thank you." Her smile widened. They stood next to each other for a long moment, a bit awkward, a bit nervous before David broke the silence by pulling her chair out for her.

"Here! Please take a seat, let me take your coat..." he helped her out of her jacket and she chuckled, feeling like a real lady.

"Hmm... What a gentleman you are!" she teased as she sat down.

"Well, a woman like you definitely deserves it!" he winked at her playfully but the appreciation in his eyes was serious. Kate's thoughts took an unwanted turn though at hearing his words. They brought her back in three years' time, to the second she first read the dedication in a very special book. Castle's very first Nikki Heat novel, _Dangerous Heat_.

She was so distracted by the overwhelming memory, she didn't even notice David rounding the table to sit across her until he reached out to touch her hand lightly with a concerned face.

"Kate? Is everything all right? Did I say something wrong?" he asked.

"Yes... I mean, no. No, everything's fine. I'm sorry, I just..." she felt herself blush an even deeper shade of red as she stuttered. "It's nothing." she said at last and finished up with a smile, hoping that it was convincing enough.

Luckily, the waitress came to her rescue and took their order before she could further embarrass herself.

"So, tell me about yourself, for example what do you do?" David asked, starting the conversation.

"I work at a security company, and you?"

"I'm a teacher at NYU." he told her and Kate's eyes went wide.

"Really?" she gaped.

"Uhumm... Literature and Geography." He added and took a sip of his water.

"Wow, I wouldn't have thought..." she smiled, partly because it was amusing to imagine him in front of a class full of students and partly because she couldn't help it when she thought about what he would think if he knew about her previous job.

"Well, I've really enjoyed my student years and I though I would be good at teaching so I gave it a try. But what about you, how did you end up at this company? And what exactly do you do there?" he inquired and Kate bit her lip, thinking about her answer. She couldn't tell him the truth of course, there was just no nice way to say 'well, I've been an assassin ever since my mother's murder then I fell in love with one of my targets and he made me want to change my life'. She knew she had to lie and she decided if she would lie, she would lie big. "I always dreamed of being a spy, but apparently you can't just sign up for it. So I looked for a job that was actually kind of close to it." she said, feeling awful but she promised herself that this would be her only lie that night.

"And what did your parents say about your choice?" came his next question and she had to bite back a swear.

"They were a bit worried how it would affect my personal life, but when they saw that I was happy they came to peace with it." another big fat lie. She hated herself for it but she couldn't just tell him on their first date about her mom. "But enough of me, what about you? How's the university? Did you ever feel like it was too much to take?" she changed the subject quickly, not wanting to makeup more lies about her life. She tried to soften the slightly harsh move with a sweet smile and she was pretty sure he bought it when he grinned and started talking about NYU.

* * *

Two and a half hours later Kate stepped into her building and leaned back on the tall, wood front doors with a heavy sigh.

She should have known this was bound to happen but still it crushed her to admit that she wasn't ready to date. David was incredibly kind all evening, he walked her home and even kissed her gently on the lips as a goodbye. He didn't push her, didn't force her to do anything she didn't want but she felt that it couldn't work out between them.

She had to tell too many lies over dinner to be comfortable with. She wasn't too good at relationships but one thing she knew, you can't build one on lies. And besides that, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't keep a tiny, nagging thought out of her mind. It was there the whole night, sometimes coming forward a little, making itself more obvious, other times just lingering there at the back of her mind. And it was no other than Rick Castle.

Kate gritted her teeth angrily as she started for the elevator. Why couldn't she keep him out of her head? Why did every second thing David said or did remind her of Castle?

She thrust her thumb aggressively into the button on the wall, urging the elevator to close its doors and start to move already. She was so keen on the idea of herself and a nice guy in a normal relationship, she hoped that maybe that would help her forget Castle, hoped that if the right guy came she could just move on. But after tonight she felt that it was hopeless. She couldn't even sit through a meal with another man without thinking about him, how should she consider a relationship like that?

As soon as she set foot inside her apartment she kicked off her heels, not even looking where they landed just keep marching towards her kitchen, determined to have a drink before all her frustration got the better of her. She pulled out a half bottle of good, old whiskey and poured herself a generous amount then she plopped down on one of the chairs, elbowing on the table as she clutched the glass tightly.

Unlike when she left home, she was feeling absolutely desperate and hopeless. She felt like a complete wreck and even though she shouldn't let a date ruin her whole self confidence she couldn't help the disappointment that spread in her chest. She downed the whole glass of whiskey and growled deep in her throat, feeling the liquid burn its way down. She waited for it to ease the knot in her stomach but it didn't. She just felt battled and devastated.

Kate lowered the glass to the tabletop slowly, playing with the idea of another round but changing her mind after a moment. No matter how tempting another glass seemed, she didn't want to drown her sorrows. She didn't need headache and nausea tomorrow morning, not to mention what she might do while drunk. So she just sat there for a few more minutes, listening to her throbbing pulse in her ear, the roaring making her feel like she wasn't sitting at home in her own kitchen but on a train full of people. She felt a couple of tears trickle down her cheeks and she wiped them away furiously with the back of her hand. She sniffled while pushing herself off the chair and taking a step in the direction of her bathroom.

She couldn't break, not now. Not when everything was going so nice with her new life. No, she had to stay strong and keep going. Even if the dating thing didn't work out, maybe she was just not ready yet. Maybe she needed more time. And even though deep down she knew that was bullshit, she knew that no time would be enough, she just wasn't ready to admit it. She would just fool herself for a little more time…

So pushing all the thoughts to the back of her head she took a shower, stood under the hot spray of the water for more than half an hour and she actually felt a bit better when she stepped out. Then Kate rubbed her soaking hair with a towel and pulled it up into a loose bun before wandering out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around her body and trailing along the narrow corridor to her bedroom, leaving glistening wet footprints behind her on the wood floor. There she pulled out a worn and faded T-shirt, putting it on after pulling on some underwear and collapsing into her bed with an exhausted, sad little huff. Closing her eyes and taking off to dreamland almost immediately, leaving all her troubles and problems behind.

* * *

When the sound of her alarm clock woke her in the morning she felt like coming up from under deep water. She opened her eyes, blinking rapidly as she turned her head and extended her arm to stop the sound. Her hand connected with the clock and she swiped her index finger over its top in search of the small button that would silence it.

By the time the shrill beeping stopped she was wide awake, ready to start the day, all remains of sleep far away. She pushed the covers back and stretched before getting out of bed. Once she was on her feet she looked back at her messy bed, then with a remorseful purse of her lips she turned her back on it. She didn't feel like doing it right now.

Kate shuffled to her wardrobe and opened it while yawning, looking for something appropriate for work. She ended up choosing a white top with a beige shirt over it and a pair of jeans. She combed her hair and brushed her teeth then she grabbed her bag and keys and she was on her way.

She arrived at the office ten minutes before duty time and after hanging her jacket on the back of her chair she went into the small kitchen to make a coffee for herself. She was just swirling the hot beverage with a spoon when she heard someone enter behind her and she felt eyes on herself, the stare practically digging into her back. She slowly turned around to see her colleague and friend, Jenny standing in the doorway, looking at her with twinkling eyes. Jenny was the first friend she made at the office, her first real friend since high school. They hit it off the day Kate got to the company and since then she had met and made friends with Jenny's husband Kevin too. Kate adored them and she was incredibly touched when the couple insisted on having her over for a dinner at Christmas. It was the closest to a family dinner Kate had for years, except her rare meet ups with her father, and she realized that she missed it. She missed to have someone in her life she can count on. Since then she had been at the Ryans' for many occasions and got to know Kevin's partner, Javier and his girlfriend Lanie, who alongside Jenny became sort of a best friend for Kate over the years.

"Good morning Kate!" the blond woman greeted her, but she could tell from her voice that she wasn't there to say hi.

"Good morning to you too, Jenny!" Kate said with a smirk, trying really hard not to laugh at seeing the other woman squirm excitedly. Kate knew exactly what she wanted, but she wouldn't make it easier for her, she just waited her out.

"So?" Jenny finally asked, dragging out the 'o' to lengthen the question.

"So what?" Kate asked, playing dumb.

"Come on Kate! I know it was yesterday so how was it?" Jenny asked impatiently as she took a step towards the fridge.

"How was what?" Beckett asked, taking a very deliberate sip of her still hot coffee, burning her tongue in the process but she didn't show it.

"Your date! How was your date?" her friend asked with a grin, knowing that Kate was just messing with her. She took a bottle of water out of the fridge and turned back to look at her expectantly.

"Honestly?" Kate finally gave in with a sigh "It was a disaster." she admitted and saw the look on Jenny's face change from giddiness to concerned disbelief.

"Oh no... Kate, what happened?" she asked, stepping closer to her friend to lay a comforting hand on her arm.

"It's fine Jenny, it just didn't work. We weren't for each other..." Kate said, sort of sidestepping the question with a general answer. But Jenny seemed to understand that she didn't want to talk about it and instead of further questioning Kate found herself in the embrace of her friend.

"Don't be sad. You'll find your boy soon enough..." Jenny murmured as she stroked Kate's back soothingly.

Kate, putting her mug down hugged her back tightly, seeking comfort from her friend and much to her own surprise finding it. After they pulled back she felt so much lighter and hopeful that she knew she would have the strength to keep going. And she knew that if she even found it too hard to take, now she would have friends to help her through it.

"Beckett!" sounded a voice from the main part of the office and a second later their boss, Tom appeared in the door. "Hey Beckett... You okay?" he asked when he saw the scene in front of him.

"Yes, sure." Kate quickly nodded, smiling at him.

"Just girl talk, Tom. Nothing to worry about..." Jenny said and with one last squeeze of Kate's elbow she was out the door.

"You wanted something?" Kate turned to her boss, taking her mug up again.

"Oh, yes. We have a new case for you. Julia is waiting for you in the office with the details. It's big!" he told her with a grin as they started walking back and he motioned towards the small office at the end of the room where his partner Julia was currently on the phone. "I'll be there in a few as well, I just have to grab something for breakfast." Tom said as he led Kate into the office then he pulled the door closed behind himself as he exited.

* * *

Rick Castle fastened his tie and with a big breath he turned towards his laptop.

"So, is it any good?" he asked from the camera through which Alexis watched him with a smirk on her face.

"Better than the first, but maybe… uh, the lights are horrible in your study, I can't see the shades perfectly." Alexis groaned and he looked at her image on his screen apologetically. "Could you show me the night blue and the cobalt again?" she sighed and Castle nodded obediently and doddered awkwardly for a second before he put the dark carmine tie on his desk.

He ran back to his chest of drawers in which he kept his ties and quickly pulled out the requested ones. Now that Alexis was at college sometimes when he needed to go to an event she checked out his appearance on Skype before he went to avoid disharmony in colors.

"Which one?" he asked as he halted in front of his laptop, putting both ties to his chest.

"The cobalt! When do you have to leave?" Alexis asked and he scowled as he thought while put the tie on.

"Uh… at… seven. No wait, at eight!" he said as he fastened it for one last time.

"Dad? It is eight!" Alexis said as she checked the clock on her laptop and Rick snapped his head up to look at it as well.

"Shit! Gina's going to kill me if I'm late!" he exclaimed and he ran a hand through his hair. "I gotta go, Pumpkin! See you later! Love you!" he hastily said and moved closer to the laptop.

"Right! Love you too! Have fun!" Alexis smiled at him and waved before exiting.

Castle turned his laptop off and grabbing his phone he raced towards the front door.

"Mother, I'm off! Don't wait up!" he yelled in the general direction of the stairs while putting his coat on with a swirl, unable to grin at the thought that he felt like a superhero putting on his cape.

"You know I never do…" he heard his mother's answer but the second part of her sentence was muffled by the closing door. Chose to sprint down the stairs, thinking it might be quicker, then rethinking it when he sprained his ankle at the first landing. He ended up limping to the waiting town car and plopping in with a painful sigh, rubbing his aching leg.

It didn't take him long to get to the club and he grimaced as his eyes caught sight of the endless queue of paparazzi along the red carpet. Nevertheless, he put on his best charming grin as soon as he stepped out of the car and strolled down the carped towards the entrance. He laughed at the cameras and waved to familiar faces, making a show for the paparazzi. Two security men in suits stood at the door, their expressions completely unreadable as he watched the red carpet.

Castle let out a relieved exhale as he got in and he eyed the room curiously. Another fundraising party, another boring night… He just hoped that at least the bar wasn't packed with people. He ran his rounds quickly, the feeling of déjà vu growing in him by the minute but he shook it off, not understanding it. After shaking hands with writers, politicians and actors who came here to show their support -or more likely to publicize their book, movie, show or political views- and kissing every actress, model and journalist on the cheek he finally made his way to the bar.

His smile turned genuine when he saw the familiar form of the mayor at the bar.

"Mr. Mayor! So nice to see you here…" he roared as he tapped his friend on the back vigorously. He saw him flinch and letting out a barely audible groan as the mayor turned back. Then his polite smile turned to a grin as he saw who stood behind him.

"Ricky!" he exclaimed happily as they shook hands. "Thought it was one of those fame addicted fools again who just _had to_ come and shake my hand and tell me that they would vote for me." He rolled his eyes and Castle chuckled.

"A scotch, please!" Castle told the bartender as he sat down on a stool next to his friend. "Sorry to hear that, man!" he said sympathetically.

"And how do you like the party so far?" the man asked with an ironic smirk as the bartender put a glass in front of Castle.

"Gah, you know I don't really enjoy these. But I think I shook hands with Robin Williams somewhere over there…" he said enthusiastically, pointing towards the left side of the big ball room where a smaller crowd of men gathered around a pretty young actress.

"Good for you, Ricky!" his friend laughed heartily and downed the rest of his drink just as a tall man stepped up to him. "Georgie! How are you?" he greeted the man and they shook hands. The man quietly said something to him that briefly clouded the mayor's face. "I'm sorry Rick, I have to go now! Hope to see you at poker night on Wednesday." The mayor stood and after saying goodbye he disappeared in the crowd with the other man.

Castle turned to the bar with his full body now, leaning above his drink. He knew he needed to stay for about another hour before he could leave otherwise Gina would bite his head off. He wondered if maybe that would be better than staying here…

He scanned the crowd in the mirror across the counter for many minutes when he suddenly felt strange. Like somebody was watching him. He used the mirror to check it but as far as he could see nobody was even acknowledging him. When the feeling still didn't pass he turned back towards the room to see for himself. Still nothing. The feeling of déjà vu kept increasing in him and he narrowed his eyebrows. No that couldn't be, it was stupid… He turned back to the bar and downed his drink to ease his nerves.

"Rick!" he heard a loud squeal at his right and he winced when he recognized the voice. He plastered a fake smile on his face as he turned to the woman standing by him.

"Rebecca, hello!" he greeted the model with a peck on the cheek, her overly sweet scent surrounding him instantly.

"How are you? I haven't seen you since that epic party!" she said with a breathy little laugh that annoyed him to no end.

"Yeaah, that _epic_ party…" he said, remembering another one of these events that he had to suffer through. "Another one, please!" he told the bartender, his tone filled with barely concealed desperation and the young boy grinned at him as he poured another scotch into the glass in front of Castle.

"And tell me Ricky, are you alone here?" Rebecca asked, leaning into his personal space and sliding his tie between her thumb and index finger. Her eyelashes fluttered as she looked into his eyes, her full, red lips curling into a smile that told him nobody has ever said no to her.

"I uh…" Castle tried to escape, reaching for the glass to take a sip, watching the woman from the corner of his eye. She stayed in the same position with the same feral smile on her lips. "I'm…" he stuttered as he traced the glass with his finger, forcing a smile on his face as he turned his head back towards her. "Actually, I'm…" he started, deciding to make something up to get himself out of this but he couldn't finish it because somebody interrupted him.

"Oh Rick, please tell me that's not your second drink already!"

**So, this was it. I really hope you liked it! Now you know why I didn't want them to meet at the book signing! I'm really curious about your opinion so please write me a review and tell me what you think! I hope you know that your words mean the world to me! :)  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I'm extremely grateful for you all…  
Next chapter will be up, as always, in a week! Until then, xxx **


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback on last chapter! I'm so grateful for every one of you, whether you favorite the story or me, put it on alerts, review anonymously or signed in or just read the story! You are all incredible! :)  
Now, this chapter is in fact the last one before an epilogue and I really really hope you will like it, I'm actually rather nervous about posting this! **

_Disclaimer: Nope, sadly I still don't own Castle…_

_Chapter 24_

* * *

_"Oh Rick, please tell me that's not your second drink already!"_

* * *

Castle froze the instant he heard the all too familiar voice speak up behind him. He tried to calm his mind, rationalize his thoughts. That couldn't happen, that couldn't be true…

"Excuse me…" he muttered to a confused Rebecca before putting his hands on the counter and starting to turn the other way.

He fought not to let his hopes up as he excruciatingly slowly turned around. When he finally set eyes on the person standing beside him Castle sucked in a sharp breath. Because there she was in all her beauty. Her hair looked longer, her face much softer but it was _her._ _Her_ gorgeous eyes were sparkling at him and _her _breathtaking smile lit up the room around them.

He gaped at her soundlessly, like a fish out of water while shivers ran up and down his spine. So that was why he felt such a weird déjà vu, that was why he felt a stare on himself that he couldn't find the source of. It was her.

Her lips curled into an even brighter smile and the world around him stopped existing. They weren't in a room full of people anymore, it was just the two of them, staring into each other's eyes, so many unsaid words and emotions that they tried to fight for years passing between them through their intense gazes.

After a moment that felt endless she tilted her head slightly, her mouth parted on a wider smile, revealing her flawless teeth and she raised her eyebrows in affectionate expectation, waiting for him to say something.

"It is my second drink…" he admitted in a deep murmur, answering her question as he kept his eyes on her, his heart speeding up when she chuckled. He knew it was stupid to answer, she didn't wait for him to answer, she didn't need an answer. They both knew that her line was only meant to get rid of Rebecca, but his brain seemed blank and blunt and he couldn't come up with something witty.

"Hmm… can't be a too good party then!" she murmured back and just then Castle realized how close they were. Her face was mere inches away from his now that he turned in his seat and that made his fingers twitch. He wanted to slide his fingers over her cheek, feel how her blush warmed it. He stared deep into her hazel eyes, feeling like he could get lost in them, her long, black lashes sweeping her skin as she blinked, making the impression that they reached the top of her cheekbones.

"Nope, I'm bored out of my mind here…" he shook his head with sparkling eyes, not moving an inch but she didn't move away either.  
He still couldn't believe that it was her. He had fantasized and dreamed of this moment so many times, imagined what it would be like to meet her again, to run into her by accident but never once he let himself really hope that it could happen.

"Glad that I came to your rescue then!" she winked at him and he couldn't help but laugh out loud, nodding in agreement.

"Isn't this the part where you take my drink?" he asked teasingly, reminding her of the first time they had met in similar circumstances.

"Yeah… I can't!" she swayed her head, remorse flashing in her eyes before she pulled her lower lip between her teeth shyly.

"How come?" he asked as he curled his fingers around the glass and shifted back a bit to take a sip, eyes fixed on her above the rim.

"I can't drink while working." she told him and his eyebrows knitted together as he lowered the glass.

"Didn't stop you last time." he pointed out, silently wondering who would end up dead by tomorrow morning. He couldn't help the disappointment that crept into his chest. He knew of course what she did, but somehow he hoped that she would be living her life differently. Not meeting her and not hearing a single word from her allowed his imagination to fill up the missing pieces and somewhere over the years he spent wondering about her, he didn't even notice that he came up with the idea of a life that he'd liked her to have. He pretended he didn't hope so that he wouldn't be disappointed in the end, but now as he felt such a strong disappointment clutch at his heart he had to admit he had been lying to himself. He did hope that she changed, that she had given herself a second chance…

"Oh, no. No, I'm not... Doing that anymore!" she was quick to correct him and a ridiculously huge wave of relief flooded his system. He swallowed hard, not trusting his voice and raised a questioning eyebrow at her so she continued. "I'm… I'm working for a surveillance and security company and I'm the head of the group that secures the place for tonight!" she told him with a hint of excitement in her tone that told him that this was a big thing for her.

"Surveillance and security? Kind of accurate…" he muttered, looking down into his drink.

"I couldn't… after…you and… I just had to…" she stuttered, suddenly sounding self-conscious and Castle looked up to see her take a deep breath. "I needed a change!" she said after a moment and smiled, raising a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

And Castle wanted to be angry at her. He knew he had every right to be and he wanted to lash all his anger out on her, he really did. He wanted to be furious with her for disappearing without a word, for causing him so much pain and so many sleepless nights and for breaking him so much that he was almost unrepairable. He wanted to be mad, but he couldn't help the warm affection that cursed through his body as he regarded her.

He was in complete awe, one moment she was excited about her case, giving him the impression that this was the first time she had got such an important assignment from the company she was working for, then all of a sudden she became all shy and low-key, stuttering anxiously then with one breath she pulled herself together and she was able to smile reassuringly and seem fine again. He was absolutely taken aback by these quick changes, how she could get it together after seemingly falling apart entirely.

She was adorable as she averted her eyes, looking at something on the floor coyly before slowly meeting his eyes again. She was so beautiful and her eyes still held that mystery that drew him in, making her irresistible to him, making him want to know her better. She had changed but at the same time she was the same woman he had met years ago. She was the same amazing, smart, mysterious woman he fell in love with, without that bleary mess of lies and secrets that surrounded her the first time. And as he stared into her eyes he fell for her again...

He could deny it, he could pretend that he had moved on, that he had no feelings left for her. But he didn't want to, he wasn't sure he could convince anybody either. Not even himself. He was too deep, too far gone. When he didn't see her it was much easier to say that he was over her, but now looking at her, having her so close to himself that he could smell her marvelous scent- after years it was still cherries and vanilla- he saw that here really was no use in ignoring his emotions. She hurt him badly but he would still do it all over again for her. He didn't regret any of it because in return of all the troubles and pain he got to meet her, got to fall in love with her. And now that she was there with him again, those feelings resurfaced with renewed intensity, making his heart beat fast against his ribcage.

He didn't want to get hurt again, he didn't want to be disappointed again but the feelings were already there and he didn't have the willpower to fight or dismiss them. He wanted them to have a fresh second chance, a chance to start again and have the opportunity to experience what started to blossom between them.

"So new life?" he asked, his voice now warm and friendly again.

"Something like that, yeah…" she nodded, her tone still reflecting some shyness.

"Maybe…" he murmured, feeling heat run up his neck as he pondered how he should suggest what he wanted, how he could ask her if she wanted the same. If she still felt the same way, if she wanted them to have a second chance as well. "Well, maybe we could start again too then, right?" he asked with a half smile, hoping with all he had that she wouldn't turn him down.

He watched with his breath held as another smile graced her features, surprise then amusement sparkling in her eyes as she scraped her bottom lip with her teeth.

"I guess so, that could be a good idea!" she nodded, grinning wide, never taking her eyes away from his and for a moment he found his brain missing out, feeling light headed as he ran his eyes over her gorgeous face again. He missed her for so long, repressing his longing in the hope of moving on and now he just couldn't get enough of her.

"Then…" he started after moment of pause, realizing that he was staring while she was looking at him, waiting for him to do something. "Hello, I'm Rick. May I have this dance?" he stuck out his hand with a charming smile, deciding to follow the little 'script' they created when they first met. He kind of liked where it led before she pulled a gun on him…

She laughed softly, turning her face away to gaze into the crowd absent-mindedly before her eyes slid to the band in the corner of the room and he could see that she was listening to the song that was being played.  
He could see that for a second she was deep in thought, probably mulling over every possible outcome, lining up pros and cons in her head. He knew that this was the moment that would decide his future, their future. The waiting was killing him, the helplessness, the knowledge that he was once again completely at her mercy. But he loved her too much to force her into anything she wasn't comfortable with. So he didn't say a word, didn't move an inch just stared at her with his hand stuck out between them, drinking her in, in case he wouldn't have the chance to do so again.

Then the second, which felt more like long minutes for Castle, was over and she turned back to him, crinkles all around her eyes from smiling and she slipped her hand into his, shaking it.

He was so immersed in regarding her that the movement startled him, his skin tingling where hers touched it. He curled his fingers around her smaller hand, his thumb stroking a gentle circle on the back of her hand, but he didn't break eye contact.

"Yes. I'm Kate!" she finally said, her voice clear and strong. And as he gazed at her he could tell from her honest, open look and the twinkling of her eyes as she remembered the last time something similar had happened as well, that this time, this time she was telling the truth.

* * *

Kate's heart was thumping in her throat as she felt him squeeze her hand lightly. He didn't take his eyes off her since he turned to her and she was feeling sort of giddy like a teenage girl, talking to her crush. She was feeling squirmy under his gaze but she didn't let it show, fought her every instinct to run and stayed where she was, barely a feet away from him. Because even though her instincts urged her to run away and hide so there wasn't even a possibility of hurting, she was glued to his every word, addicted to the way he looked at her. How he still, after so much time, looked at her. She couldn't have moved even if she wanted to…

She still had butterflies in her stomach that he was there and she was there and they were talking and he wasn't pushing her away. She simply couldn't believe her eyes when she saw him tonight. She was doing one of her many rounds of the night, an obligation as the head of the security team, when she spotted a man, broad shouldered and rather tall, dressed in an elegant suit with his back to her. She moved tactically in a half circle, all the while keeping a subtle eye on the man, her heart trembling with every step, her lungs closing with every breath. After about ten minutes of stalling she knew she was being ridiculous and she couldn't keep doing it, it probably wasn't even him. So she took a deep breath to calm her racing mind and finally moved so she could see his face. As soon as she set eyes on his face though, she had to hold onto the closest table to stay on her feet.

She never thought she would meet him again, and certainly not tonight. And she began panicking. Her mind filled with hopes, worries, what ifs and memories. She couldn't believe her eyes and she couldn't help jealousy get the better of her when she saw that woman, skinny and pretty in an absolutely sexy little green dress and totally, shamelessly flirting with him. She just wanted to break her neck and she had to loosen her fingers from the fist she unconsciously curled her hand into. She was not that person anymore and it would do no good to punch those pouty red lips and that snub nose. The only thing that eased the nausea in her stomach and kept her from sprinting out and hiding in a supply closet somewhere, that retained the flaming jealousy in her heart from spreading through her body to make her do things she would regret later was the way his shoulders slumped in defeat and his whole body pulled away from the woman. He didn't want her to invade his personal space, he wasn't interested in her…

Even though she knew that didn't mean anything, it gave Kate an irrational wave of hope. It gave her the push to step up to him and without really thinking about it, open with the line that she had said to him when they first met. Hoping against hope that he would remember it, that he would know who stood behind him.

And he did. He froze the second she spoke the words and turned as if it was slow motion, leaving the woman without a second glance which, although, she wouldn't ever admit it, made Kate squee in joy inside.

And since the second his eyes found hers, he hadn't turned his eyes away only once when her previous job was mentioned. But the sparkle returned quickly into his eyes as Kate told him the news, that she wasn't an assassin anymore. Her heart was beating rapidly in her throat when she saw the way his face fell when he thought that she was still the same person. And her stomach was clenched in nervousness while she told him about the major change in her life. She hoped he would understand that he was the reason of the change. She hoped he would see how big effect he had on her, how important he was to her.

So when they shook hands and instead of letting her go he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the dance floor, her legs were a bit wobbly under her. She fought not to stumble, not wanting embarrass herself right away. She grasped his fingers tightly, afraid of letting go, still not quiet believing her luck. He could have been furious with her and she would have deserved it, she had disappeared without a word, without so much as a note to let him know that she was even alive but he didn't shout at her, he didn't shut her out. No instead, he gave her a second chance.

The music was a mix of jazz and swing, a soft melody that made couples gravitate towards each other and tighten embraces. Rick stopped as they reached the dance floor, not wanting to get inside the crowd. He hesitated before putting his hands on the small of her back, watching her from the corner of his eye to see if it would be too much. Kate resisted the urge to roll her eyes, feeling nervous and clumsy as well. She just rested her hands on his and pulled so as she stepped closer to him his hand slipped around her waist, her body now anchored to his by his arms. She let out a contented sigh and wound her arms around his neck with a shy expression on her face.

He started to move, taking step after step, guiding her along the dance floor, swaying lightly. He never let go of her, he grasped her fingers tightly even when he spun her out. And all the while he had his eyes on her, never wavering, never looking anywhere else. Kate had a feeling that he didn't even blink, which made her chuckle.

"Castle, you're staring. It's creepy…" she told him in a murmur, her smile telling him that even if her voice was annoyed she found it completely endearing.

"Sorry, I just… I never expected to see you here." He said with a smile of his own and she could hear the words that he didn't say out loud. _He never expected to see her ever again. _

They continued to dance throughout two or three more songs without any more talking and Kate's head came to rest on his shoulder.

She was watching him from there, quietly pondering about what had happened and what that could have meant for him... She knew that if she was in his place, she couldn't forgive herself as easily as he seemed to do. Hell, she did not forgive herself! Even though she understood the reason of her decision, knew that it was needed so she could put herself back together in order not to hurt him more. She knew that she wasn't exactly there just yet but she was on the right way, headed straight towards that picture of herself, that woman who she wanted to be. The one he saw in her and made her feel like every time he looked at her.

But he couldn't have known that. All he knew that she left and hid and never reached him. Though it couldn't have been further from reality, he could have thought that he didn't mean anything to her. He could have thought she just used him. Still, there he was, with his arms around her, cradling her to his body like nothing had happened.

"Aren't you mad at me?" she asked after long moments of thinking, her voice trembling as she tried to cover her feelings. Tried not to let him see just how curious she was of what was going on inside his head, just how deadly afraid she was of his answer. He brought his hands to her arms, gently squeezing them as he pushed her back a bit and Kate's heart sank in her chest. Was this the moment he would push her away? Did he realize that what she did wasn't forgivable? She tried to mask the devastation that spread on her face the instant those thoughts entered her mind. She wouldn't show him just how much he still affected her, how he could break her with a single word, a single look.

He didn't move away though, he just stared at her, his eyes traveling her face. He looked deeply into her eyes and at first his stare was questioning and then when he saw how solemn and fearful she suddenly became his look turned thoughtful as well.

"Kate I, uh…" he paused, furrowing his brow as he tried to form his thoughts into sentences but she was momentarily distracted from the way her first name rolled off his tongue. It sounded so soft and confident coming from him. She knew she might just be imagining it, but she felt like nobody has ever said her name like that…

"It's all right, I know I deserve it!" she muttered, turning her eyes away from his to look at the pair dancing next to them and she moved to take a step back, start to distance herself so it wouldn't hurt so bad, cut so deep when he turned his back at her and left, never looking back. He didn't let her go though, he held onto her arm and searched her eyes with his, putting one finger under her chin to lift it when she kept her eyes fixed on the ground.

"No, look! I,uh… Yes, you hurt me. Badly. I had gone through a lot and I'm sure you had as well. However, I know, or at least I believe that you did it with the best intentions, because of the right reasons." They stopped moving entirely by then, standing still on the dance floor with couples swaying around them. She finally met his blue eyes, hers wide as she waited for the verdict, waited for him to tell what was on his mind, let it all out. "So I could try to stay mad at you, though I'm not even sure I was mad in the first place. I think it was more like the pain that was cutting through me mixed with the insecurity of not knowing if you had felt the same way as me, or if I was only a one-night stand for you. Never hearing from you ruined me as a person, as a father but I have to admit, I think it made me a better writer. I poured all my heart, my pain into words and I created something that was kind of a memorial to the short time I had with you. And with a lot of help from my family, I learned to treasure those times and the fact that I got to meet you instead of crying over what we could never have. I came a long way, but I don't feel any anger towards you, or what you did. And maybe it will come up later, I can't promise that you're off the hook…" he said playfully with a glint in his eye. "… but right now, I just feel lucky that we're both here. I can't believe that this is happening. It must be fate, you know. And this time, I don't want to let it go. If you're in, I want to have this second chance…" he finished and Kate swallowed, blinking quickly to repress the tears that threatened to flow down her cheeks.

"I read your books, you know." she finally said, letting herself be pulled back to his chest.

"You did?" he asked, voice laced with astonishment and hopeful curiosity.

"Yeah…" she smiled at his boyish expression and she put her hands back around his shoulders. "Every single one!" she said but her words held so much more meaning to both of them. To her it was her way of letting him know that she didn't forget about him for a second, that she was interested about him, she was following where he was in life and what he was doing through reading his books. With this sentence she told him that she couldn't let him go, she needed him in her life even if only through his books. She tried to let him know how the Nikki Heat books were sort of guides for her how to go on, how to change her life…  
And to Rick, it meant that his secret hopes that maybe she did indeed read the books he dedicated to her, the books he wrote about her, were not just fantasies. She read the books, read his words, she knew everything that he put out there. She knew what he was feeling, she knew what he was thinking and she knew what he so desperately wished to tell her that he made dedications out of it. And with this realization came an even bigger one, realizing that maybe he did play some part in her change of lifestyle. Maybe writing Nikki Heat helped her in the way. He only dared to hope that it was true. He hoped that he had only half as much of an effect on her as she had on him.

"You liked them?" he asked shyly, averting his eyes only to snap them back at her face when he felt her touch on his face. She was cupping his cheek, her eyes so tender that Castle was afraid he would burst out crying like a baby.

"I loved them!" she whispered reassuringly and Rick closed his eyes, savoring her words.

Kate's heart was racing in her chest, fluttering wildly against her ribcage as she stroked the light stubble on his face with her fingertips. His eyes were still closed and she bit her lip before deciding to just go for it, take her chance and hope that she wouldn't screw everything up with it.

So she leaned up and pressed her lips against his. Her blood pressure was high in the air and she felt like the room was spinning with her. She felt him froze and she dreaded the second he would pull back and tell her that that wasn't what he wanted. But the moment never came and Kate felt his arm around her tighten, bringing her body flush against him. After a minute his lips responded, kissing her back sweetly and one of his hands came up to tangle in her hair. Kate moaned into his mouth, scraping her nails through the hair at his nape and she felt her whole body light up and hum in delight and happiness. They kissed passionately until they were gasping for air and then with a few more lingering pecks they broke apart. Castle rested his forehead against Kate's, breathing her in and she felt a happy tear escape her eyes and make its way down her cheek.

They both knew that they had a lot to talk through, a lot to work on but now that they had each other they knew they would make it. They could break through every wall and fight every barrier, sort out any mess life tossed in their way together. They got a second chance and neither of them would let it pass by. They came a long way, changed and learned a lot to became the people they were. To became right for each other. And now that they found each other again they planned to cherish every second…

**And, this was it! I really hope you liked it! I'm dying to know what you thought about this chapter so pretty please leave me a review with your opinion! Every single word from you guys is like a beam of sunlight for me, I hope you know how much I appreciate your support!  
Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing!  
Next chapter, the epilogue will be up in a week! Until then, xxx **


	25. Epilogue

**Hey guys! First of all, thank you all for the amazing feedback on last chapter, and truly on every chapter! I'm extremely grateful for your support, I have never dared to imagine that this story would have such success. You guys made it possible with your nice and encouraging words, on some chapters I really don't know what I would have done without you… The knowledge that you like and enjoy the story and that you are waiting for the next chapter, curious to find out the story I wanted to tell… It was overwhelming and incredible and unbelievable at the same time and I can't even express my gratitude! Wow, I'm getting all kinds of emotional about posting the last chapter of this fanfiction…  
Anyways, thanks to everyone who read this story, put it (or me) into favorites or on alerts, reviewed anonymously or with a name, I hope you know it means the world to me! :)  
Now, onto the epilogue, I really hope you will enjoy it! **

_Disclaimer: Still after 25 chapters and two years of complete adoration towards this show and the cast and crew, I don't own it…_

_Epilogue_

"Rick! Rick wake up!" he heard a familiar murmur cut through the haze of his dream. She sounded urgent and there was a sparkle of tension in her voice that made him open his eyes instead of pulling the blanket over his head and going back to sleep.

He blinked until his eyes got used to the darkness around him and these few moments were enough for his brain to wake up fully and be able to think. He looked to his right and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs dangling off at the side. She was looking down at her hands that rested on her slight baby bump. Castle's heart still started racing when he remembered that this woman was pregnant with his child. His baby. They were going to have a baby together!  
"Kate, what is it? Are you all right?" he asked in a concerned voice, pushing himself up on his elbows and awkwardly shifting in the bed until he was right behind her. He sat up and put his chin on her shoulder, breathing a kiss onto the side of her neck.

"He kicked, Rick!" she whispered and Castle's breath hitched in his lungs. He slowly slid his own hand over hers and spread his fingers to touch her shirt.

"Really?" he asked, all remains of sleepiness gone from his voice, now replaced by eager excitement.

"Yeah… here! Do you feel it? Wait…" she nodded softly, grabbing his hand and pulling it where her hand lay a second ago. Castle held his breath as he waited patiently, feeling Kate's rushing pulse with his cheek at her neck. His heart was beating fast as well as he automatically stroked her belly with small moves of his fingers. "Now! Now you feel it?" she asked in a thin voice.

And he did. He felt the soft nudge that came from within her. His mouth fell open as he felt the kicks of his son, so strong for such a small baby but still feeling only like a flutter of butterfly wings against his palm. His eyes watered so he closed them and dug his nose into Kate's shoulder.

He had been through it all when Meredith had been pregnant with Alexis but this was different. Because it was with Kate. Because even if he loved Meredith, his complete adoration towards Kate was so much stronger, so overwhelming that he couldn't even compare it to his first marriage. He knew for sure that he could never ever live without her. He depended on her, trusted her, needed her, loved her with all his heart and from the look in her eyes whenever she smiled at him he knew that the feeling was mutual.

"Oh Kate..." he whispered in a shaky voice and pressed a tiny, wet kiss under her ear.

"I know..." she chuckled, covering his hand with her own, entwining their fingers on her belly.

"I love you!" he murmured and she turned her face towards him to capture his lips in a sweet, affectionate kiss.

"I love you too!" she whispered back, nuzzling her nose against his cheek.

Rick felt some wetness on his skin and as he pulled back he saw that she was silently crying. He kissed her cheek with a grin and she let a watery smile spread on her face as she averted her eyes shyly. Castle scooted even closer to her, spreading his legs around her and hugged her tightly to his chest as he kissed a trail up her shoulder and neck to her cheek. She pressed her face to his and as Castle glanced sideways at her he saw that her eyes were shut, her expression one of a merry peace. Her beauty never ceased to amaze him, she was more and more breathtaking with every passing day and he felt so lucky to have her. So lucky to call her his wife. His eyes trailed down to her left hand with a white gold wedding ring on her ring finger. It was a modest ring with a small diamond, soldered together from her engagement ring and their wedding band. She almost never took it off and it made his heart swell in pride whenever he looked at it. Whenever he looked at her. She was his now, and he was hers. Forever.

After sitting in a comfortable silence for a few minutes she suddenly stirred and started to pull away and push herself up from the bed.

"Hey, where are you going?" he groaned disapprovingly, putting his hands on her arms in an attempt to keep her close to him but helping her get up at the same time.

"I gotta call Lanie, you know how pissed she would be if I didn't call her right away!" she told him, straightening her back and turning back to him with a small smirk.

"Kate, it's…" he looked at the clock on the bedside table. "…it's four AM." He reminded her, hoping to lure her back into bed and into his embrace.

"I know, but you know how dedicated godmother she is already! She wants to know everything and she bites off my head if I'm late to tell her any small thing…" she chuckled and leaned back to peck his lips once more.

"Okay…" he sighed and stared after her as she sauntered to her bag in the armchair across the room and fished out her phone. An adoring smile played on his lips as he watched her as she perched on the edge of the cushion and dialed. Then he thought of Lanie and their friends and how excited they all were when they found out about the pregnancy. Then his mind wandered back to the day when they found out about Kate and him.

_It was the second day of Christmas and Castle was just leaving his loft with a huge bag of wrapped presents in his hand. His thoughts were, as always these last few months, on one topic. One Kate Beckett. He smiled as he saw her face in his mind's eye. He was so head over heels in love with her…  
They decided not to introduce each other to their respective friends just yet, but he couldn't wait to see what Esposito and Ryan would think of her. He was sure they would love her, she was badass and funny and crazy sexy._

_They spent yesterday together with Alexis and Martha and he had one of the best Christmas Eves of his life but tonight he was invited to Esposito's to dinner. Kate was also invited to her best friend's place for celebrating so they decided they would go separately, both or them spending some time with their own friends and meet up at his place tomorrow morning._

_But Rick knew that he wouldn't be able to get her out of his mind all night. He got into his car and drove to his friend's building, trying and mostly failing to push Kate to the back of his mind. He was curious if she was having a good time with her best friend, if she was thinking of him at all and if she ever mentioned him to her friends. While he took the elevator up to the third floor where Javier lived, he thought about how little he knew of Kate's friends. Though she didn't know much about his either… _

_He took a breath to clear his mind before knocking on the door, hearing the sounds of traditional Christmas music and light laughter from inside the apartment. He didn't have to wait long until the door swung open and he found himself face to face with Javier's grinning girlfriend, Lanie. Castle liked her a lot, she was pretty and friendly but she had a sharp tongue and she loved to make fun of the boys. _

_"There you are, we were waiting only for you!" she greeted him and stepped aside so he could enter. The smell of cinnamon cookies and homemade food instantly flooded his senses and he closed his eyes for a second to breathe it all in._

_"Something smells delicious, Lanie!" he complemented as he pressed a soft kiss on her cheek after dropping his bag of gifts on the floor next to his shoes._

_"Thanks, Rick!" she murmured then motioned towards the living room. "Now, come on, everyone is waiting for you! You can finally get to know my girl, about whom I have been telling you so much…" she told him with a chuckle as they made their ways towards the sounds. Just as they rounded the corner loud laughter broke out and Rick could make out Esposito's roaring laugh. The people in the room were all gathered around the small fireplace with glasses of champagne in their hands, a couple of feet away from the sparkling Christmas tree. Castle observed them all one by one, Esposito who was standing opposite everyone else, facing the door, then the three people who stood with their backs to Rick. He recognized Kevin Ryan, Esposito's partner and the blond locks could only belong to Kevin's wife, Jenny. And next to them stood a tall and lithe brunette whose face Castle couldn't see. However, after running his eyes over her soft curls and champagne colored dress he couldn't help thinking that she reminded him of Kate. Castle grinned as he inwardly scowled at his lovesick brain, thinking how Kate would make fun of him if she knew that he couldn't keep her out of his mind. _

_"Esposito, always one to count on for a good mood!" he spoke up as he entered the room after Lanie and Javier grinned widely as his eyes found Castle. Everyone in the room turned towards him and Castle watched the brunette with interested eyes, curious to find out what her face looked like. He wasn't interested in her as a woman, he didn't even want look at another woman now he had Kate but he was excited to find out about this best friend of Lanie's. And truth be told, he was a writer and the brunette was the only one in that room who was a stranger to him and that meant that his brain was asking him questions. The first, burning one was, would she still remind him of Kate if he saw her face?_

_So he waited and as she turned, he had to realize that with every revealed inch of her face she reminded him more and more of Kate. In fact, when she was completely turned towards him, Castle's mouth dropped open in shock._

_"Kate?" he gasped as he stared at his girlfriend who seemed just as surprised as him._

_"Rick? What are you doing here?" she asked with huge eyes, taking a half step in his direction._

_"What are __**you**__ doing here?" he asked back, chuckling at the stunned expression on her face. Even after the massive surprise of finding here there he noticed how hot she looked. The dress she was wearing hugged all her curves perfectly and somehow brought out the color of her eyes brilliantly. She was absolutely breathtaking…_

_"Wait a minute, you two know each other?" Lanie shrieked and that was when Rick and Kate realized that there were other people in the room too. Lanie spun on her heel to stare at Castle then back at Beckett numerous times and Esposito, Ryan and Jenny seemed equally astonished at the news as well._

_Rick glanced back at Kate and found a comical smirk on her face, one reflecting the amusement he felt. He let a smile spread on his face as their eyes met and both assured the other that even if they didn't plan it like this, it would be okay to let their friends, their shared friends know about them. Not that they had any other choice now… _

_And just like that, laughter burst out of both of them, making them double over from it and causing tears to flow down their cheeks as they tried to catch their breath while their friends were watching them with expressions of confusion and slight concern for their well-being on their faces._

"Hey dreamer boy, where have you been off to?" her soft voice broke him out of his reverie and Castle looked up at her with a grin.

"Just a little trip down memory lane…" he shrugged and slid over so she could slip back into bed. He opened his arms for her and she contentedly settled into his embrace, resting her head on his chest.

"Care to share with the class?" she murmured into his jaw and she pressed a sweet kiss to his throat.

"Just thought of our first Christmas together!" he told her and he squeezed his arms around her gently.

"Christmas Eve or the second night at Espo's?" Kate asked in a mischievous voice and Castle chuckled darkly.

"The second night, but now that you mention Christmas Eve…" he muttered, thinking of how they celebrated after Alexis and Martha left for bed. His blood still started to race, only thinking about it and he leaned down and kissed her feverishly.

"You're so easy…" she laughed at him between kisses.

"You love it!" he growled as he rolled them over and leaned over her to kiss her again.

"Guilty as charged…" she moaned when he nibbled her bottom lip and her fingers slowly crept up his chest and found their ways into his hair.

After making out shamelessly like teenagers until breathing became a major difficulty for both of them, Castle pulled Kate back on his chest and drew relaxing circles on her back with his hand.

"So… what did Lanie say?" he asked quietly, peering down at her from the corner of his eyes.

"Oh…haha! She was kind of mad at first, growling something like 'Girl it's Godknows-only-how-early-AM, why on Earth are you calling?' and then 'it better be something good or I'm going there to kick your shapely bottom!'…" Kate said and both of them shook with laughter as they imagined Lanie's grumpy face as she just woke up in the middle of the night because of a phone call. "Then when I told her about the baby she got all excited and she insisted on coming over first thing tomorrow morning! She said she wanted to feel it for herself…" she finished, making a face and rolling her eyes at the ridiculousness of her best friend.

"I didn't expect anything less from her!" Rick murmured, still grinning and he pressed a tender kiss on her nose. His hands slipped on her belly, settling low to cradle and absently stroke the baby bump. "He's growing so fast..." he sighed. It still amazed him to no end that a baby was growing in Kate's womb, even after 5 month she still had to get used to the idea. But he couldn't deny that he was beyond excited about having a son. The things, the pranks they would do... There was just no way that his second kid would be so perfectly well-behaved as Alexis. No, he would be a boy and boys will always be boys. He would pull the girls' pigtails and break vases with his football and have a real teenage wild child phase with motors and tattoos and many many girls. As this thought entered his mind, another unpleasant thing occurred to him and he groaned. "Dibs on not having the double B talk with him!" he murmured hastily to Kate and felt her head move on his chest so she could look at him. He glanced down at her confused face, her eyebrows high on her forehead, her lips slightly pursed as she tried to figure out what he was talking about.

"What do you mean? What double B talk?" she asked and Castle sighed in mock annoyance, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"The Talk. The birds and bees talk..." he said, mimicking so his eyes widened like saucers, making them look like as if they were about to pop out of his face. Kate laughed quietly, hiding her face in his T-shirt.

"Why, Rick? He's a boy and you're his father..." she started but he interrupted her cheekily.

"I certainly hope so." he muttered, earning a glare and a light swat on the chest from her.

"As I was saying... You're his father and you're supposed to talk to him about these things. If it was a girl, I would have the talk with her." she told him with a little shrug.

"But Kate, that's just not fair." He whined.

"Tell me how is it not fair?" she asked and he could hear that she was bothered by his childishness. After all it was four AM and Castle knew exactly how to push her buttons.

"It's not fair because I already have a daughter and I've already been through the horrors of having The talk. Fortunately Alexis was a piece of cake, I only had to tell her the basics and she got the rest from somewhere else. You know, school, friends, books, internet…" he said, sighing as he thought of his daughter. He couldn't help but smirk when the face of his tiny, twelve-year-old angel came to his mind. How she scrunched up her nose when he tried to explain things to her and it was all kiddie proof.

"You know what?" Kate asked, patting his chest. "If it's really necessary we can have the talk with him together!" she offered and yawned, hiding her mouth behind her hand then muttering a 'sorry'.

"That would be okay…" he agreed, deciding that he was too sleepy to continue this conversation. His eyes started to close in their own accord and he shifted a little so that he could hug Kate more comfortably to his chest.

"And anyways, it's really far away… We will do it all step by step! Together!" she whispered into the darkness of the room, her voice full of hope and love.

"Together…" he agreed again, finally letting his eyes slide shut and he squeezed her gently to himself.

Silence fell and Rick felt his thoughts escaping him, getting blurry by the moment. The rhythmical, slowing movements of his fingers on her back soothed both of them to a near asleep state. He was listening to her even breathing, letting the absolute contentment wash over him. This was what he had always wanted, this was what he had dreamed of. In the earlier days of their relationship there were moments that he was afraid that one day she would get a call with an assignment with such a huge amount of money for payment she couldn't refuse and leave but then as time passed by and she was still there, every day and every night he started to believe the incredible truth that she did love him and even though he was quite rich she didn't care about money… Now he wasn't the least bit worried that something would break them apart, he was sure that whatever life would throw their way they would deal with it, step by step, together.

"Hey Rick?" he heard her faint whisper cut through the haze of his sleepiness.

"Yeah?" he croaked, stroking her arm with his thumb reassuringly.

"Thank you!" she murmured.

"For what?" he asked, bowing his head a bit to look at her but she didn't move her head from his chest.

"For trusting me, for giving me another chance to prove myself, for loving me and letting me love you. For saving me!" she breathed, her tone heavy with emotions and Rick's heart filled with all the love he felt for this woman in his arms. He pressed a tender kiss into her hair, pulled her even closer to himself and silently thanked God for finding her, before whispering:

"Always!"

**And this is the end. Decided to go with the classic 'Always'!  
I really hope you liked it, please leave me one last review and tell me your opinion! Just so you know, every single review, whether it was only a word or a couple of sentences, made my days just that much brighter! :)  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing and making this story officially my most successful fanfiction, I feel so thankful…  
Regarding future stories, I have one idea in my head which I would like to write and since it's the summer holidays I hope I will have enough time to do so. I hope to see you guys at the next story, and if any of you have a story idea or a request, please feel free to contact me! ;)  
I wish all the best for every one of you, you are the greatest and I couldn't have asked for better readers so thanks again! **


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